What not to say to a cop when you get pulled over.

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Want to race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Hey, you look like that girl I fucked a few days ago...

Aren't you one of the Village People?

Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!

That's some funny stuff . . .

Any time I decide that I'm finished living this life and I'm ready for the afterlife . . . I'll try a few . . .

Heh, my friend Tommy used one pretty simmulair to one of the above but anywayz he got pulled over and the cop proceeded with, "Sir did you know I clocked you at a hundred and twelve in a forty-five" and Tommy countered with, "Well you had to speed to catch up to me so lets call it even"

While being hauled off into the car in cuffs, Tommy reminded the cop numerous times, "I work at Krispy Kreme!"

LOL!

you forgot:
i was going to fast to see that intersection officer.

you forgot : I`m sorry but are you male or female I can`t quite tell:eek7:

I wasn't going that fast officer my car just can't go that fast, here watch....

those are good :D

i like "excuse me, but did you have any idea how fast you were going?!?" "no officer, the speedometer only goes up to 150."

:iceslolan :iceslolan :iceslolan

:lol: :lol: :iceslolan :lol:

:iceslolan :lol: :rofl: :iceslolan :lol2: :lol: :rofl:

says it all

Tommy is God :D

lol :lol2:

i dont think my car CAN go that fast

you forgot : I`m sorry but are you male or female I can`t quite tell:eek7:



:disappoin
lame

you forgot: say the alphabet backwards? i cant do that WHEN im sober.....

Officer: "Your eyes are red, have you been drinking?"
Lawbreaker:" Your eyes are glazed...have you been eating donuts?"

Officer: Where ya goin?
lawbreaker: my wifes house
officer: where you comin from?
lawbreaker: YOUR wifes house

Hey officer,how's your wife's arm?
She fell out of bed last night!

guy 1:you guys shut up back there or you wont get any crack to trade those hookers for sex

guy in trunk:think clear if they see all the empty beer cans back here thele probably arest you and get you on that rape charge they have on you

Ocifer, im not drunks.

I can't get out. you get in. Just let me move some of these bottles

:lol2: :lol2:

What about looking at your passanger and saying "Dude we are so busted!!!!"

How are you doing today officer fucktard.

Could you hurry this up please? This coke isn't gonna deliever itself.

Hey I know you! There was a picture of you next to the bed of this broad i just knocked up.

those are good :D

i like "excuse me, but did you have any idea how fast you were going?!?" "no officer, the speedometer only goes up to 150."
Change the second part: No Officer, but I bet you must be faster than I did to catch up with me.

Meh.....^


Nah, not funny :uhoh:

"Occifer... (ick), I am the dedicated drunk driver tonight..."

Moahahaha!!! ^^' :lol2: :lol2:

It's not what you say to the cop. When a cop comes up to your window, try to grab his gun..... they love that.

Start fumbling around asking "dude were did I put that bag of coke."

"Officer could you please help me find my bag of coke, I need to hide it from you."

"Could you wear my beer helmet while I am looking too; its kinda heavy I have 22 Ozers in there."

"The white powder on my nose is from a sugar donut. Yep a big eightball of sugar donuts."

you see officer, when i reached down to grab my crack pipe, my gun got lodges in my gas pedal forcing me to speed out of control

One time I was on my uncles Audi S3 and we were stopped by a cop and he was like:

"I clocked you at 140 kph"

My Uncle said: You gotta be kidding me, I was doing 190 kph"

I thought it was pretty funny since I heard it all and it did happen. We proceeded by bribing him with a 20 dollar bill.

By the way, Im in Mexico. No bribing or S3s in the USA I know...

Hahahahha! :lol2: :loser:

Bad Cop! No Donut

I've seen people with bumper stickers that say that! Talk about darwinism...

Cheers,
Brian

" Insurance and registration please. "

" Uh, sure no problem....you're not gonna check the trunk are you?"

__________________________________________________ _________

One day, i'm gonna run a stop sign when it's pouring rain out, just to make the cop get out of his car and stand there in a huge puddle and get soaked while writing me up.

Why make the money if you can't enjoy spending it right?

" Alright you, do ya know why i pulled you over? "

" Yeah! Do you know why i ran the sign? "

By Drew Carey.


:iceslolan I love this stuff!!!

Ocifer, im not drunks.

I can't get out. you get in. Just let me move some of these bottles

LOL.
That one rocks!!!!!!

Ok people stop reviving this thread