j0kes
Oz
08-06-2004, 07:20 AM
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?
---
Australian girls.
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house.
He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.
He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
---
A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. Johnny Howard was on his morning run, accompanied by some Protective Service workers. Johnny asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box.
The little boy said, "Liberals."
The Priminister beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Atta boy!"
A few weeks later Johnny was jogging again, this time with Alexander Downer in tow. Johnny stopped at the boy's house, winked at Alex and said, "Hey kid, what kind of pupies are in the box?"
The boy said, "Labour voters"
Johnny looked crushed, saying, "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Liberals!"
The boy said, "Well, the puppies opened their eyes."
---
Bush, Einstein and Picasso
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.
And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?"
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in.
When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, "Well heck, I dont know."
St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?"
Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?"
St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."
---
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?
---
Australian girls.
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house.
He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.
He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
---
A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. Johnny Howard was on his morning run, accompanied by some Protective Service workers. Johnny asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box.
The little boy said, "Liberals."
The Priminister beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Atta boy!"
A few weeks later Johnny was jogging again, this time with Alexander Downer in tow. Johnny stopped at the boy's house, winked at Alex and said, "Hey kid, what kind of pupies are in the box?"
The boy said, "Labour voters"
Johnny looked crushed, saying, "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Liberals!"
The boy said, "Well, the puppies opened their eyes."
---
Bush, Einstein and Picasso
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.
And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?"
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in.
When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, "Well heck, I dont know."
St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?"
Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?"
St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."
---
zebrathree
08-06-2004, 07:26 AM
:rofl: :lol:
The Rhys likes.
The Rhys likes.
Jimster
08-06-2004, 07:32 AM
The last one is the best! :lol:
crayzayjay
08-06-2004, 07:42 AM
bahahaha.... :lol2:
EclipseRST
08-06-2004, 07:53 AM
:repost: but :lol: :rofl:
Raz_Kaz
08-06-2004, 10:39 AM
Funney!
psychobadboy
08-06-2004, 11:43 AM
Yup, love the last one! :lol:
FireBball972
08-06-2004, 02:33 PM
:lol: last one is great!
dugie6551
08-09-2004, 10:41 AM
Five reasons not to be a penis:
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an asshole.
And my personal favorite...
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint
-------------------------------------------------
>Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they
>learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
>"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,"
>she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
>Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get
>mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
>"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
>"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks, in shock.
>"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
>could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think
>that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little."
>"And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love
>everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
>everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
>Her father's heart swells with pride and he looks at his daughter
>with new found pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard!"
>"I know," Melissa says. "And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines
>could blow the shit out of him."
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an asshole.
And my personal favorite...
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint
-------------------------------------------------
>Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they
>learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
>"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,"
>she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
>Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get
>mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
>"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
>"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks, in shock.
>"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl
>could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think
>that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little."
>"And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love
>everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
>everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
>Her father's heart swells with pride and he looks at his daughter
>with new found pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard!"
>"I know," Melissa says. "And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines
>could blow the shit out of him."
kittedb18bt
08-09-2004, 04:23 PM
lovely fellow
Oz
08-09-2004, 07:11 PM
:lol2:
jcz1987
08-09-2004, 07:20 PM
LMAO! The last one really made me laugh! :rofl:
Damien
08-10-2004, 03:15 AM
:rofl:
Liked Oz's last one but Dugue, clever! :grinno:
Liked Oz's last one but Dugue, clever! :grinno:
Automotive Network, Inc., Copyright ©2026