Please Read My Story (Warning A Little Long)

Well I have been working on this for only a day or two. Tell what you guys think of it or what I should change about it. The only reason I'm putting it here is that the main characterhas a car you guys will hopfully like. Here it goes:

The sirens were going and the spotlights were picking out every single car as they attempted to escape. “Resistance if futile, surrender yourselves immediately” roared the chopper as it flew in to land. “Fuck off you bastards” was the only response from the crowds as they raced away down the emergency exit.
Hi, I guess I should explain myself before I get arrested. My name is Steven Folchi. I am the leader of a racing team called the Revolution. We….
Okay I know how to make this simpler, I’ll start from the beginning.

The date is January 31, 2002. I have just turned 16 and am going to get my license. I am the happiest kid in the world as I walk down the hallway to take the written test. I sit down completely ready, pick up my pencil, look at the first question and, my mind goes blank. I can’t remember a thing, and I know I’ve been studying for like two months just to be extra ready. I guess I just had a look of terror on my face because the lady at the desk said that if I needed to that I could come back anytime I felt ready. So I just left with my face in my hands silently asking myself what went wrong with me.
Well, my mom then takes me to school, can’t believe she still makes me go. According to her a day of school will get my mind off the test. I just trudge into second period, turn in my late pass, and sit down in the back of class with my friends. The first thing out of their mouths was “So did you get your license?” I just broke down. My girlfriend Marie gets up walks to the teacher’s desk and asks if we can be excused. The teacher looks at her with an eye of anger. Then Marie whispers something to the teacher who looks at me and finally says yes we can be excused.
She walks me outside to the bleachers at the football field. We sit down and she just puts her arm around me to comfort me. Some might say that I was being to emotional about not getting my license, but the thing is my dad had died when I was younger and before he went he said “I’ll be watching your driving from now on, don’t go filling Heaven and Hell too quick.” Well Marie had been there when it all happened so she new what was wrong. She was always there and always knew what to do to help me. God I’m so thankful for her.
I think at this point I had better tell you all how the people look around here. I’ll start with myself. I am half Asian, quarter Italian, and quarter Scotch/Irish type of mutt as my friend says. I’m 5’10” and on the heavy side, about 210 lbs. To give you a good idea 38’ waist, I wear XL shirts, and I have a gut that sticks out above my pants a little. I have olive toned skin, black hair that is pretty bushy type, mustache, sideburns, and other hair. I have brown eyes that can be cold or warm, depending on how I feel.
Marie is, well she is a jewel I think. 5’10” also, makes me feel short when she wears heels. She is a weird mix that makes her as beautiful as the day I first laid eyes on her. I have no idea how much she weighs though, she just won’t tell me. I do know this though, I can bench her and I bench a max of 150 lbs. She has a very sexy body that looks good no matter what she wears but more so when she wears the right stuff, she likes the subtle look more though. I’m perfectly fine with that, keeps the rest of the guys off of her so I don’t have to go around putting the hurt on some body.
Well, we were sitting there and she finally gets me to calm down enough to go back to class, even though it is time for third. The rest of the day goes by perfectly fine. I go to football practice, then home for dinner. Mom asks if I want to back tomorrow to take the test and I say sure. This time I pass with flying colors, don’t ask why it just happened. I get to school shining like a little star. Marie runs up to me and plants a big one on me, it’s all hugs from the rest of the folks. By the way I guess I should explain the rest of my friends.
First there is Greg. He’s a weird one. Funkiest white boy around. He’s got brown/gray hair and braces. He’s like 5’9” and kind of built. I can still toss him around like a rag doll. Then there is his girlfriend, Whitney. A 5’10”, auburn haired, green eyed, beauty. Nice body on that one to. She is a drama queen though and can be very childish some times. Let’s see who is next, Oh yeah Melody. She is alright for a kid. She is one year younger so I am very protective, but I still rub it in her face. She is pretty and has a nice body, but that is about it. She is a bit of a slut, made out with a lot of boys and more.
Finally, her boyfriend Ian. He is a Korean and stands at 5’8”, but will take on anybody. He is a good fighter and a friend, he is a year younger too, but he makes up for that. Well that is everybody, aren’t we one big happy family.
Well, the weekend comes up and mom takes me out car shopping. I know what car I’m looking for, but can’t find it anywhere. Just then I see it, my dream car, it is on a truck going into the sales lot. “MOM”, I yell “turn around!” The fish tail was great as my mom flipped out. Sorry mom, but my car is here. I get over there to inspect it and find a few things wrong. Nothing I can’t live without. I get the paper work done and I now have my car. I t cost me less than I thought it would, going in with $10,000 and coming out with $5000 still in hand. Between this money and the money in my savings I can do what I want to do to my car.
First thing ordered was a different front end, those lights look so cool. Next was a ProStreet body kit and carbon fiber body parts, very clean. Now for the engine. I was thinking swap the engine like a lot of people are doing, then I found an easier way. Just turbo what is already in there. Also added were upgraded parts all around from intake to exhaust and in between. New suspension and some six-spoke whit rims were in order, 17x8 up front and 18x9 out back. A little tilt and a very aggressive looking car was made. A nice accentuating spoiler for a little down force and not too much gaudiness was added. Now a new paint job was in going to complete the look. A deep, deep blue was covered with a couple clear coats, to make it stand out more some metal flakes were added to make some sparkles. A nice color to go with the blue was green so green neons all around the car.
Sunday I got everything installed and tuned correctly. The dyno ranked in at
around 240 hp and 240 torque give or take a few points from each respectively. All that took the whole day and I didn’t have time to show it to any of my friends, well tomorrow they will see it. As I pulled up into the school parking lot I heard the yells and screams of people in awe. They all looked at my car and just said “DAMN”. Out I step and everyone freaks, people are running up to me asking so many questions I just can’t answer that fast. Than the bell rings and off to class everyone runs, except for myself and my buds.
“So what kind of car is it Steven?” Marie asked. “It’s a Nissan 240SX”, I said matter-of-factly. “No it isn’t, that is an S15. You can tell by the lights”, Ian told me.
“Front and rear conversion, turbo on the engine, new internals, everything you could ask for all in one car. Plus it is rear wheel drive. What do you have to say to that?” I stated.
He just simply said, “Can I ride with you when you go to the quarter mile?” Everyone just laughed and went on to the class they were late for.
We got nothing for being late, except having to explain ourselves. After practice I met up with everybody at the arcade where we hang out. After playing some DDR we head out to the track. We get my car registered and raced. It runs a solid 13 second quarter, very good I believe for someone who just got their car a few days ago. Well, I’m at least doing better than anyone in my group. By the way only four of us can drive, but we bring the others along with us.
"Well that is all for tonight", I say to my friends as we depart for the night. Little did I know that right around the corner waited danger. On my way home I drive down the empty road that leads to my house, and a surprise comes soon. Usually there is nobody on this road except for a few people, but tonight I spy four cars coming down hard at me. They box me in and the driver on my left rolls down his window. “You’re coming with us boy” is all he said.

This is just the first chapter, so you have more to look forward to if you guys would like. Not a lot of racing or any thing just introduction to it. I'm working on the next chapter now so it'll hopefully be posted by tomorrow. A lot more racing coming in this next chapter, so stay tuned.

Chapter Two is here and done. Hope you enjoy the whole thing. Oh yeah read both the first and the second chapters, it makes alot ore sence that way. Well here it is:

Ten minutes later of driving in this formation, we arrive at the Raceway of Legends. This is the first place that anybody started racing in our city, but it lost funding and closed down. So these guys wanted to race me here, well I was game for anything they had to throw at me. The leader told me to pull up to the line. He said to race down the backstretch, then the whole oval, and finally the road course in the middle. What they didn’t tell me was that I would be racing someone each time.
I had know idea what I was in for, all I knew was that I was going to do the best that I could to beat these jokers at their own game. As I got ready for the first part of the race, a quarter mile race down the back, an early model red Nissan 300ZX pulled up next to me. As I looked over to see who the driver was we locked eyes, he gave me the good luck head nod and then we set up.
I could see the others getting ready for their parts of the gauntlet yet to come. The lights slowly flashed downward toward the green, then click…the first yellow light, click…the second, CLICK…the third and, then…… vroooooooomskreeeeeee as our two cars flew down the strip. Clutch, second….. Clutch, third. I was gaining on him. Clutch, fourth. I pull even with him and look over to see him with a look of awe. Clutch and fifth. I pull ahead of him and past the line to ready for the next section.
My next challenge is against an old black Toyota Celica GT4. I’m a little worried as to what this car can do versus my newly built 240SX. Then I think back to the 300ZX, it was supposed to be faster by a lot, what happened there, this can’t be much different.
The Signal is given and we start off at a roll. We hit the mark and off we go. Me pulling a head until I have to shift, as she pulls on me a little. I gain back my ground and pull a good bit ahead of her, which is soon lost do to me shifting as she’s still accelerating. We round the first turn with me on the inside swinging out. I can keep this up, I think to my self as I shift yet again. I look in my mirror and see her closing in fast. What the hell is going on? The next turn comes up and SHE takes the inside forcing me to the outside pulling her through the turn faster. She swings out far though so I have see my chance for the next turn. I finally shift into fifth and wait for my moment. Turn three comes up, I go for it but she blocks me from getting through. I had to slow down to just not hit her, so going on low rpm. Fourth turn and the home stretch. We turn, I down shift, I pull through just as we finish the turn and beat her as she slowly catches up to me. Too close for comfort, and to the max for my car’s engine.
The final piece and I can get out of this crazy mess and go home. I pull onto the course in the middle of the oval and prepare for battle. As I look over the course, with its many twists and turns pushing you your handling limits, a white Mitsubishi Eclipse pulls up next to me. The window rolls down and the driver asks me if I think I’m ready for it.
I turn to her and say “Bring it hard . or don’t bring it at all.” She just laughs and says to get ready. The flag is waved and the game starts.
We start with her leading down a straight and then a hairpin left, then a right, left, right, left, right, then the coolest straight followed by a wide right turn upon which I pulled on her. Now the fun part came. You know those turns that look like a lollipop, o yeah three of them and then a straight to the finish. She pulls even with me and bumps my right flank causing me to spin out in front of her car. What the fuck man?! I lose the race and have to just roll to the finish in front of the rest of them.
“You lost the challenge and as such your chances of ever entering into the most powerful racing team.” Laughter spreads quickly through them, but I sit in sorrow knowing I lost a sure race to a cheat of all things. “He has lost nothing, but you have lost you dignity I see”, a voice roars over the old speakers. “You have cheated and as such automatically forfeit the race”, boomed the voice again. Footsteps were heard and five people were seen walking out onto the track. Who were these people, what were they doing here, and why were they so intent on keeping something they were not involved in fair?

I don't know if you were grip driving on those turns - probably were - but you make it seem like you were almost "drifting!" That would have been great. Keep it coming, but you should make it quick before the "infamous" forum moderator moves your post because "this has nothing to do with the forum." So get on it boy!

Andrew

/\ After debate in the mods corner this has been moved from the 240 forums to OT by me per Speed Racers request.

On a side note I read it and its not bad.

Cool story, but it does feel like it has a lot of fantasy in it. Keep up the good work! :)