Relationship Woes

Okay, here goes...

My boyfriend left for Europe like a month ago and he's staying until August 20th... he has only written me 2 emails... and i KNOW that he has access to a computer and internet. He promised he'd write me like at least twice a week. And when he did write me back its like 3 sentences and both emails were stuff that he wanted me to do for him: favors. And to make things worse is that there is a girl there that he has liked since he was little... and she has liked him. ARRRRGGGHH!!!!! I had been sending him an email like every couple days, but the other day i wrote him one that said "Don't write me anymore while you're in Europe, obviously its just a bother. Call me when you get back if you want to." Would you guys take that as a breakup? And girls, what would you take his mixed signals to mean?

(PS: its not like we have a bad relationship either... we spent like 4 months together everyday, all day and weren't tired of each other. He is really sweet and caring.)

Thanks in advance!!!!

-Candice

Something smells fishy. :sly:

I don't think I would take it as a break up, but I would definately take it as a sign that she wants to break up. At least he now knows that you're tired of taking his crap of ignoring you while he's gone. Pay attention to his response to your email you sent him...that email would definately send me a signal, telling me "alert! alert! something's wrong. i better respond." If you get no response, he probably doesn't care anymore. I really don't mean to rain on your parade, but I've had experience with this sort of crap. I'm just saying for you to keep a close look out...wouldn't want to hear you getting hurt cuz of this.

He's just waiting to get back and tell you in person.

He's just waiting to get back and tell you in person.


no he's not because i have his hotmail password and he hasn't even been checking his email... so its like he totally just forgot about me and doesn't even care.

Something smells fishy. :sly:

I don't think I would take it as a break up, but I would definately take it as a sign that she wants to break up. At least he now knows that you're tired of taking his crap of ignoring you while he's gone. Pay attention to his response to your email you sent him...that email would definately send me a signal, telling me "alert! alert! something's wrong. i better respond." If you get no response, he probably doesn't care anymore. I really don't mean to rain on your parade, but I've had experience with this sort of crap. I'm just saying for you to keep a close look out...wouldn't want to hear you getting hurt cuz of this.


PFFT!! Getting hurt?? Me and my last boyfriend went out for almost 2 years and we're still best friends. This was the breakup: We were fine one day and then he just stopped calling the next day.. I called him and he wouldn't return my phone calls. Finally i talked to him and he said that he never wanted me to call him again and he had no feelings for me... but he did two days earlier. And slowly but surely we started talking again... two months later... and alas!! what a surprise: he still has feelings for me... hmmmm.... you guys are so damn confusing!!!

ok, um... a bit controlling arent we? I mean, the guy is on a vacation, and you want him to write all the time? why not let up on the leash a little bit. let him have a little fun. if you said you were fine together, why not give him the benefit of the doubt that he isnt doing anything with this friend of his. you writing him all the time, and wanting to know everything thats going on, is going to drive him nuts, and make him not write you..... wait... isnt that what he is doing now?

It takes 10 fucking minutes to write an email.

That's not a leash, Sniper.

ok, um... a bit controlling arent we? I mean, the guy is on a vacation, and you want him to write all the time? why not let up on the leash a little bit. let him have a little fun. if you said you were fine together, why not give him the benefit of the doubt that he isnt doing anything with this friend of his. you writing him all the time, and wanting to know everything thats going on, is going to drive him nuts, and make him not write you..... wait... isnt that what he is doing now?

Okay, first of all :flipa: ... Second of all, i am not controlling. I mean come on, it does not take that long to write a fucking email. And what pissed me off most was not that he didn't write me, but that when he did he just wanted me to do favors for him. So he doesn't ask how im doing or anything, or tell me how he is. And where do you get that i am wanting to know everything thats going on?? Did I say that.... ummm.... no, not that i remember. And i dont write him all the time, i wrote a few for the first couple weeks and then stopped. So why don't you pull your head outta your ass, read what i said and stop twisting shit around.

Okay, first of all :flipa: ... Second of all, i am not controlling. I mean come on, it does not take that long to write a fucking email. And what pissed me off most was not that he didn't write me, but that when he did he just wanted me to do favors for him. So he doesn't ask how im doing or anything, or tell me how he is. And where do you get that i am wanting to know everything thats going on?? Did I say that.... ummm.... no, not that i remember. And i dont write him all the time, i wrote a few for the first couple weeks and then stopped. So why don't you pull your head outta your ass, read what i said and stop twisting shit around.

Hey, take free advice for what it is. It's really not nice to insult and berate Sniper who is suggesting another (quite valid) way of looking at things.

Try to understand men a bit. We don't always pay attention to the social graces of being thoughtful or polite. He may be a bit thoughtless, but this does not mean he does not care.

Likely you are reading too much into the situation. If the two of you got along so well, then when he gets back it will be fine. If not, then, its best to break up now, before you have too much time invested in an unworkable relationship.

BTW if you don't like this advice, you will look better to ignore this post than be insulting.

It's not that i don't want or like getting the advice. I don't like it when people put words in my mouth and twist shit around. Obviously if i didn't want advice i wouldn't have posted this thread. I don't mind receiving positive or negative advice, i just don't appreciate it when people add stuff that i didn't say.

if hes not emailing you, hes obviously busy with someone else. Wait till he gets home and give him a chance to explain, but expect the worse.

You are acting like you are married to the guy?

Disclaimer: The following is from my point of view alone and my personnal opinion. And the views expressed may and may not be of others in this post.

I too think it is a bit too controlling on your part. The reason I say this is because you say you went into his hotmail account to see if there is any activity. First you say "I had been sending him an email like every couple days," then later on you say "And i dont write him all the time, I wrote a few for the first couple weeks and then stopped." Either way its too many in my opinion. Now mind you if he does not respond as many times or how you want then let it be. Don't go crazy over it. You can't do anything about the situation anyway. Just wait it out until he comes back.

Regardless of the controlling part, Did you set the rules before hand? Did you tell him what you expect from him while he is away? Did you ask if hes gonna see that girl? If not, then don't expect it after the fact. The guy is just that, a guy, we tend to lose track, we tend to get caught up in the moment. Whether hes away for business or vacation the fact of the matter is when he gets back, deal with it then and express your views to him, but don't be over demanding about it cause if there is anything a man/guy hates is pressure from the other sex. Is this the first time he is in Europe?, if so then he is probably enjoying the sights and sound of the place with or without that girl. Ease up on the guy for a bit and when he gets back then ask him whats up? Once he is back and his answers are not to your liking then at that point move on to someone better who takes your feelings at heart. Until then don't get worked up about it.

Seems like he only cares when it's convenient for him. My advice is, tell him to go fuck himself. You'll feel much better afterwards. I know I did when I was in a relationship like that.

you have his hotmail password??

stalker girlfriend!! :uhoh:

to the annonymous person who at 5:31pm, decided to act like a child and start name calling in the negative feedback... please, at least have the balls to put your name on it. It's not like I'm a mod, so there isnt anything I can do except pm you and discuss your problem that way, but if you feel the need to hide.....


as for Chevy, I am sorry, but I spoke to my fiance, and wanting someone to email you frequently, is a way to find out whats going on. you may not be saying it, but thats what it is. I am sorry if you feel I am putting words in your mouth, but take it for what it is. I did not stoop to swearing at you, or name calling, so please, I would like to at least expect the same courtesy from a fellow board member. if you would like to continue this, so not to screw your thread up, feel free to pm me. thank you.

Whenever I go away for buisness, I call my g/f pretty well every night.
Not because I have to , but because I want to.
Even if it's just for like 30 secs and just to say that I love you and I miss you. ( I know I'm a sap )
She feels better and I feel better.
I might see something cool or have something happen and want to tell her about it and vice versa.

You didn't say why he was in Europe, is it a vacation?
If so he is probably busy but I would think that he would try to get ahold of you somehow.
You say he has access to a computer, maybe it's not easy for him to get to?
You said you had his password and he hasn't checked his account? Again, maybe he's just too busy?
I don't know you and I don't know him or what sort of relationship you guys have, but for me and mine it's very close and we are usually in pretty close contact.
Some people are not like that and that's fine too.
One thing though, if you gave me the statement that " Don't bother calling while you're in Europe, it's too much of a bother", I would take that as you are really pissed off at me and there is a problem.
I know I'd be getting ahold of you to at least find out what the problem is and to see where we stood.

If you want to drive him towards this chick, tell him off a few more times, that will make the other one seem like a good idea.
If you wanted him to feel like you broke off with him I think you have probably done that and now what's to stop him from acting like he's single.
Nothing like a "well fuck you then" attitude to make a guy feel all warm and fuzzy.
That being said, three emails in a month just wouldn't do it for me. I couldn't stand being out of touch for that long with someone I really cared about unless as I said before I couldn't get to a phone line.

How did it happen that he went away with his childhood crush to Europe anyways?

They all vaild points, I agree with spyke. I like talking to my g/f alot, too. and i would like to know how he is in Europe, a loooooooong way away from you, with is life long crush. But, whatever the reason, GIVE THE GUY A LITTLE TRUST. If he's cheated on you before, that's one thing, but if not, let him be. mabey one of the reason's he there and not with you is because mabey he needs a break form you ( don't hit me, please ). Summary, if thing's were going good, no problem. If not, worry.

Relationships take a lot work on both sides and communication and trust are two of the main factors that will determine whether a relationship will work or not. I know these are pretty much common sense and I'm sure everyone here knows this already. Its really up to you to decide what his mixed signals mean, you know him better than we do. There could be a perfectly good reason that he has not coresponded with you much since he has been gone. His reason good be anything, and if there is something going on such as another women then he should at least show the respect and courtesy of giving you a call to explain things. Had I recieved the last email you sent him I guess I would be a little pissed at first, but wouldn't view it as a sign of the end, also the fact that you have checked his mail account for wrong doing makes me think you are untrusting of him which is not a good sign (ask yourself has he given you a reason not to trust him?, can he be trusted with the old crush while away from you?), however he hasn't done much in the way of reasurring you that everything is ok either. Maybe he is just a really independant person and even though he hasn't taken time to write you he is still thinking of you all the time. Someone mentioned prepare yourself for the worst, I wouldn't go that far yet. Just don't do anything drastic until he gets back and you guys can set down and have a good chat, if he brushes you off when he gets back then I really don't think its anything you did just brush it off and move on.

I'm sure you guys will get things cleared up once he gets back, and everything will be cool.

BTW I suck at advice on relationships this is just my prospective from my recent encounters with them and the whole trust, and communication issue.

Well didn't read through all the reponses but this is what I have to say.

First off, I be going to Europe on the 20th. Myabe I'll see him :lol:

Second, if he is oceans away and not responding to every e-mail you send him, does not mean that he is cheating on you. He's on vacation, he might be busy with other things, let the man relax a bit

Third, you sound pretty controlling and not too trusting, checking his e-mail account? Come on, me and my gf trust eachother, theres no need for hr to have access to my private stuff. NOT LIKE WE'RE MARRIED.

Fourth, let him enjoy his vacation, do not send him threat and hate mail and just relax and take it easy until he gets back and has a chance to explain himself

Amen, preach it bother Raz_Kaz, Holaluha. :ylsuper:

You are acting like you are married to the guy?

Disclaimer: The following is from my point of view alone and my personnal opinion. And the views expressed may and may not be of others in this post.

I too think it is a bit too controlling on your part. The reason I say this is because you say you went into his hotmail account to see if there is any activity. First you say "I had been sending him an email like every couple days," then later on you say "And i dont write him all the time, I wrote a few for the first couple weeks and then stopped." Either way its too many in my opinion. Now mind you if he does not respond as many times or how you want then let it be. Don't go crazy over it. You can't do anything about the situation anyway. Just wait it out until he comes back.

Regardless of the controlling part, Did you set the rules before hand? Did you tell him what you expect from him while he is away? Did you ask if hes gonna see that girl? If not, then don't expect it after the fact. The guy is just that, a guy, we tend to lose track, we tend to get caught up in the moment. Whether hes away for business or vacation the fact of the matter is when he gets back, deal with it then and express your views to him, but don't be over demanding about it cause if there is anything a man/guy hates is pressure from the other sex. Is this the first time he is in Europe?, if so then he is probably enjoying the sights and sound of the place with or without that girl. Ease up on the guy for a bit and when he gets back then ask him whats up? Once he is back and his answers are not to your liking then at that point move on to someone better who takes your feelings at heart. Until then don't get worked up about it.


Okay, HE was the one that said he would write everyday. I told him no because thats like taking up his time, he insisted so i said okay watever. He told me that he probably wouldn't be seeing this girl... but thats a lie because its his next door neighbor. I told him to try to write me like once a week, which is not asking for too much. This is not his first time there, he grew up there until he was 4 and then moved to Alaska. He goes back every summer. He has liked this girl and shes liked him since they were little.

Seems like he only cares when it's convenient for him. My advice is, tell him to go fuck himself. You'll feel much better afterwards. I know I did when I was in a relationship like that.

Thank you, i just might do that.

you have his hotmail password??

stalker girlfriend!! :uhoh:


I have his hotmail password because he lets me use his paypal and eBay account. I need his hotmail password to ask and receieve questions to the sellers on eBay and see the status of stuff on Paypal and make sure payments went through okay.

Whenever I go away for buisness, I call my g/f pretty well every night.
Not because I have to , but because I want to.
Even if it's just for like 30 secs and just to say that I love you and I miss you. ( I know I'm a sap )
She feels better and I feel better.
I might see something cool or have something happen and want to tell her about it and vice versa.

You didn't say why he was in Europe, is it a vacation?
If so he is probably busy but I would think that he would try to get ahold of you somehow.
You say he has access to a computer, maybe it's not easy for him to get to?
You said you had his password and he hasn't checked his account? Again, maybe he's just too busy?
I don't know you and I don't know him or what sort of relationship you guys have, but for me and mine it's very close and we are usually in pretty close contact.
Some people are not like that and that's fine too.
One thing though, if you gave me the statement that " Don't bother calling while you're in Europe, it's too much of a bother", I would take that as you are really pissed off at me and there is a problem.
I know I'd be getting ahold of you to at least find out what the problem is and to see where we stood.

If you want to drive him towards this chick, tell him off a few more times, that will make the other one seem like a good idea.
If you wanted him to feel like you broke off with him I think you have probably done that and now what's to stop him from acting like he's single.
Nothing like a "well fuck you then" attitude to make a guy feel all warm and fuzzy.
That being said, three emails in a month just wouldn't do it for me. I couldn't stand being out of touch for that long with someone I really cared about unless as I said before I couldn't get to a phone line.

How did it happen that he went away with his childhood crush to Europe anyways?

To answer your questions:
He's in Europe because his grandma is sick and dying and he had to go (he goes every year but didn't want to this year because of me but had to because his family would've been mad.)
He does have access to a computer... its in the house where he is staying. And i don't see what could be keeping him so busy... he even told me that there is nothing to do there except walk 5 miles to go to a club... and i know he's not there 24/7. (he's on a farm.)
We had a very close relationship... we were together like all day, everyday for like 4 or 5 months and we didn't get tired of each other. We hardly ever fought and it didn't last long when we did and was about little things. ( I don't know u but u seem kinda like he is when in a relationship; where you like to talk to the person and see how they're doing, and miss them easily.)
And actuallly he's the kind of person that a 'fuck you then' attitude would snap him back to reality and be like 'oh shit'.
And it wasn't three emails... it was two.
Also, He didn't GO there with his childhood crush, he used to live there and then moved to Alaska when he was 4. She still lives there but even if he didn't want to see her she would make it a point.

NavyFord18: ( don't hit me, please ). .[/QUOTE]



:chair: Hahaha, Just kidding... i thought it was funny.

so, ya gona break up or what, tell me, tell me, tell me.eheheheheheheheheheheheheh :naughty:

To answer your questions:
He's in Europe because his grandma is sick and dying and he had to go (he goes every year but didn't want to this year because of me but had to because his family would've been mad.)
He does have access to a computer... its in the house where he is staying. And i don't see what could be keeping him so busy... he even told me that there is nothing to do there except walk 5 miles to go to a club... and i know he's not there 24/7. (he's on a farm.)
We had a very close relationship... we were together like all day, everyday for like 4 or 5 months and we didn't get tired of each other. We hardly ever fought and it didn't last long when we did and was about little things. ( I don't know u but u seem kinda like he is when in a relationship; where you like to talk to the person and see how they're doing, and miss them easily.)
And actuallly he's the kind of person that a 'fuck you then' attitude would snap him back to reality and be like 'oh shit'.
And it wasn't three emails... it was two.
Also, He didn't GO there with his childhood crush, he used to live there and then moved to Alaska when he was 4. She still lives there but even if he didn't want to see her she would make it a point.

Okay, now maybe its me, but could it possibly be that being that his grand ma is sick and dying that she already died. And being that she is dead could it be that he is just too busy with the hospital/funeral visits arangements. True he can get on the pc at home in europe and email you but what if the pc is not working, what if hes too distraught over the death in the family. Sure he childhood sweetheart is there and probably comforting him in this time but these are all ifs. You can only know for sure until he gets back and explains everything. If its not to your satisfaction then you at that point make the decisions needed to either accept it and him or move on. After I read your more detailed explananton of your relationship I do not think you are that controlling after all like I thought at first, but you still need to take it easy and just wait it out and see.

Good luck

Give it time. Let him come back and talk to him to see what's going on. He may be too involved with the whole family thing. I know when I go out to see my dad, I rarely have time or energy to sit down at a computer and write an email. I know that it only takes a few minutes but its the thought process that gets me. I mean, give him some slack. Maybe there is something going on that you don't know about but it doesn't automatically mean that he's cheating on you. I agree that he should have written like he said. Maybe if he skipped a week or something I'd be ok with that but I mean, like you said, you don't know what's going on. It doesn't mean that he's cheating, it may mean that he's too involved with family issues.

Just my thoughts

I think if you have access to his email account you should try to erase the message that you left him, before he sees it. There are many reasons why he may not have wrote back yet. If indeed his Grandmother did die, how is he gonna feel when he goes to tell you and finds the message that you sent him. He might feel worse and think that he can't count on you. I am going to give you a piece of advice that my boyfriend gives me all of the time. When you assume you make an ass out of yourself and me. A little cliche, but always true. If he doesn't contact you as soon as he gets back from Europe then you know his true feelings. That's when you send the hateful email. :rofl:

I think if you have access to his email account you should try to erase the message that you left him, before he sees it. There are many reasons why he may not have wrote back yet. If indeed his Grandmother did die, how is he gonna feel when he goes to tell you and finds the message that you sent him. He might feel worse and think that he can't count on you. I am going to give you a piece of advice that my boyfriend gives me all of the time. When you assume you make an ass out of yourself and me. A little cliche, but always true. If he doesn't contact you as soon as he gets back from Europe then you know his true feelings. That's when you send the hateful email. :rofl:


That saying is very true. And i did not delete the email (didn't want to) and he read it (finally) and emailed me back.... he didn't say he was sorry or anything. He said that his grandma is doing pretty good, and that the vacation is not that fun.... so he just pretty much told me that he has no reason (other than "i didn't want to") as to why he hasn't written. Obviously he isn't busy with his grandma and he isn't out having fun 24/7 so i've decided not to deal with his shit. Im leaving it up to him to contact me if he wants and if he doesn't then i've decided im not gonna let it bother me.

Thanks for all the responses you guys.

That saying is very true. And i did not delete the email (didn't want to) and he read it (finally) and emailed me back.... he didn't say he was sorry or anything. He said that his grandma is doing pretty good, and that the vacation is not that fun.... so he just pretty much told me that he has no reason (other than "i didn't want to") as to why he hasn't written. Obviously he isn't busy with his grandma and he isn't out having fun 24/7 so i've decided not to deal with his shit. Im leaving it up to him to contact me if he wants and if he doesn't then i've decided im not gonna let it bother me.

Thanks for all the responses you guys.


well, best of luck to you then. I hope for his sake he realizes then what he is giving up, and hopefully if he does call you when he gets back, you get forgive and gorget his not emailing you. just remember, if it doesnt work out, dont rush around looking for another person. the right one will fall into your lap and smack you upside your head when you least expect it.