Retrosexuals

This is for the real blokes out there to pass on to all the blokes who now
days think it is cool to be a metro. Bring back our masculinity - stop being a bunch of pussies who have far too much gel in their hair and smell and look like chicks.

Something to ponder over a skinny decaf frapachino:
Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, Decorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual...
>
> Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your arse, burp, and yell
> "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the Culture
> Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "
>
> The Code:
> - A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
> - A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tyre, break-in into your home,
> or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
> - A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
> - A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you
> live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
> drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.
> - A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
> Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need
> deodorant and shaving gear - that's it!!
> - A Retrosexual does not dress like a homeboy with baggy pants that look
> like he's shat himself, or with a gay chain from pocket to pocket. If
> wearing a hat, wear it correctly - not on the side like a faggot. Blokes
> and necklaces (unless you are an Australian fast bowler) are out!
> - A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need
> be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
> - A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
> - A Retrosexual does not let neighbours screw up rooms in his house on
> national TV.
> - A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for
> women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only
> lead to you becoming a handbag carrying little puss, and in the long run,
> she ain't worth it.
> - A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to
> conceal himself from prey.
> - A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and
> ONLY a Windsor knot.
> - A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about
> getting. This does not include males who have had cosmetic surgery.
> - A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer
> a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or
> be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.
> - A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are
> riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT.
> Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people
> or things that just need a little "wakin' up".
> - Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none
> of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports
> teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release
> is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can
> cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet
> (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or
> loss of major body part on your ute.
> - When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a
> pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and
> offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called
> men still in their seats with a disgusted "you rude pricks" look on his
> face.
> - A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not
> understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset
> the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a
> serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting,
> shooting, cigars, car maintenance and drinking piss with the boys.
> - A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
> - A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.
> Wherever it lands is where he bloody well wanted it to land. Except on his
> ute--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the
> retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.
> - A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but
> any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE:
> The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual
> man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their
> country.
> - A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.
> - A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does
> something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the
> process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

Fuckin A :thumbsup:

:iagree:

Hell yeah!:sunglasse by the way...for a really good cigar, ge a tin of Macanudos from the Dominican Republic!! They go great with shots of Jack Daniels:sunglasse

Fuckin A :thumbsup:

Errmmm...Dave....you're the biggest metrosexual I know. :uhoh:

AMEN! come on brothas, can I get an AMEN!!!

wish there were more people like that in the world. FUCK YES! :thumbsup:

:1: :1: :1:

haha finally, action is being taken against the pompous metros that need to "tan" and get manicures.


i agree wioth everything except the whole bagy pant, a lil baggy is fine, now completely baggy, as well as nothing too tite either

I don't drink piss with the boys, guess I'm gay

:grinyes: Thats the way men should live there lives :evillol:

:grinyes: Thats the way men should live there lives :evillol:

:uhoh: :rolleyes:

Errmmm...Dave....you're the biggest metrosexual I know. :uhoh:

WTF? Just cos I'm not a hick doesn't mean I'm a metrosexual Mr Swandri.

I'm petrosexual :thumbsup:

Anyways, I'm not the one who struts around in Versace cologne *cough*Moss*cough*

I saw the 5gallon bottle of hairgel, oh yes I did.

Leave the Swandri out of this eh :p

Style != metrosexual

Oh well then you're definatly NOT metro then :p

:lol2: So defensive.

lol.

Yeah, well, gotta prove Rhys wrong any time I get...

retrosexual - wears pimp glasses, don's a handle bar moustache, is still convinced INXS is the best thing since sliced bread..

I salute ya Oz, genius, pure genius! :thumpsup:

*Pounds chest*

"Men are here! We make fire! Cook meat! Then put out fire by pissing on it..and not gte inviteed back!"

Struth mate! Chuck another snarler on the Barbie while I go round up the sheep on the ute!

and not forgetting, he drives a V8 or a big six, or somthing supercharged.
nice work OZ

WTF? Just cos I'm not a hick doesn't mean I'm a metrosexual Mr Swandri.

I'm petrosexual :thumbsup:

Anyways, I'm not the one who struts around in Versace cologne *cough*Moss*cough*
More than you can afford pal, VERSACE!!!!! *squirt squirt*

I'm the manliest bastard here. 'Nuff said.

I'm the manliest bastard here. 'Nuff said.

Reality check for moss.

When was the last time you had any of the following items in the back of your car,and known what to do with them?

1/ wild pig carcase
2/chainsaw
3/engine hoist
4/portable generator
5/plate compactor
6/a woman.

:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:
:owned:

Reality check for moss.

When was the last time you had any of the following items in the back of your car,and known what to do with them?

1/ wild pig carcase
I once had a chick that looked like a decaying pig carcase (Friend of a friend, I SWEAR!) in the back of my car back in the Jetta days, does that count?
2/chainsaw
Yes, every person who drives in Auckland or Wellington needs one.
3/engine hoist
If I could afford a B18C then, I'd have an engine hoist in the back
4/portable generator
I'll answer that when we get a power cut
5/plate compactor
The pig carcase looking chick looked like she could compact anything with that big ass, once again does that count?
6/a woman.
This one I can answer confidently. Yes, many a time, I'm the l337 s3xx0rs m4ch1n3. The only woman I know who has not been in my car is Dave.


Now, if you don't mind, please get back to worshipping my manliness. Thanks.

^ :lol: at Moss

:rofl:

Moss, you would have done yourself a big favour to read what was written and bite your tongue. You have been out thought and out witted.

tanaraki questioned my manliness, questioning anything I do is :nono:


Now worship me.


JWT

Now, if you don't mind, please get back to worshipping my manliness. Thanks.
:rofl:!!!! That's a Moss-answer.

FREAKIN' A OZ , :cheers: Emailed to everyone in at work! keep the funny shit coming!

Judging from the list, I'm a full on retrosexual. :wink:

What's a hammer? :)

been waiting for something like this to come along. good job.

two things.
first, what is a ute?
second, getting kicked in the nuts i think counts as a reason to cry.

two things.
first, what is a ute?
second, getting kicked in the nuts i think counts as a reason to cry.
Australian version of a US 'truck'. Front half is like a car body, back half is a tray for workman's gear, etc.

And no, no crying. :nono:

:thefinger

Australian version of a US 'truck'. Front half is like a car body, back half is a tray for workman's gear, etc.

And no, no crying. :nono:

:thefinger
I always think of a Ute as a Hilux, Rodeo or a Navara...... Commodore/Falcon Utes are just a poser-truck, for people who want to look like the construction worker dude from the Villiage people...

El Camino...EL EL Camino. The front is like a car, the back is like a truck...

El Camino, EL EL Camino. The front is where you drive, the back is where you...ah, u finish it!!! :naughty:

Me too, but how do you explain them to the seppos?

Me too, but how do you explain them to the seppos?
Say 3 words: Chevrolet El Camino.


They'll start tripping out on the spot as the memories roll in.

:cheers: NFI what that is - link0r?

I'm pretty sure we have an El Camino forum, but I'm prettysure it's very similar to an HQ Holden Ute.

Here Oz, check this out:
http://www.musclecarclub.com/musclecars/chevrolet-elcamino/chevrolet-elcamino-history.shtml

Yep, that's pretty similar to an old Falcon XY Ute.

I'm pretty sure we have an El Camino forum, but I'm prettysure it's very similar to an HQ Holden Ute.

Ford Ranchero back in the 60's was based on the Falcon. Came with the optional V8 goodness.....

[QUOTE=Oz. Retrosexuals need deodorant and shaving gear - that's it!!
[/QUOTE]


Pfft! Shaving is for pussies...I pull it out by the roots. And who needs deodorant when you have steel wool and Comet... :disappoin