Depression

depression...what a word. I dont even know where to begin. This all came back last night, after having a converstaion with someone who finally understood what it's like. I dont know why it hurts so much, like to look back on what's happened to me in my life. It's not like it's hard for me to remember, but it is in some ways. It's hard to know what I did and why I did it. It's hard to know that my life is just one jumbled mess. Many of you think that I have an alcohol problem, well, I guess in some cases that's true, but I was getting better to tell you the truth. Now, someone told me today that I drink for the wrong reasons. And I gues that I do, i mean, yeah I do drink for the wrong reasons, but for those 12 hours, everything is fine. I dont have to think about my future, my past or even my present. All that i have to think about is where did I put my drink down and where can i go to get another. that's the only thing. And I hate the feeling when i'm sobering up b/c its like "why did I do this last night?" "why did i drink?" "what did I do to myself?" I know that I'm killing my liver and brain cells but I don tknow. I guess it just helps me deal. I know a week or so ago i said that chemical help isnt the answer...or somethign to that effect and i still believe that but alcohol is helping pretty well right now I think and I'm gonna continue to use it until this goes away. I just hate to be depressed, its almost like i can't find any good in life......

I know this makes no sense but I had to get it out i think :screwy:

Well, you admitted to yourself about the problems, so that is the first step, which is the biggest.

Sober for over 7yr's now. Nothing.. Beer,booze,drugs, nothing.. I remember everything bad I did, but I can not change it, so I make sure I DONT make the same mistakes twice... Forgiving yourself is the hardest part, but it gets better....

Vent all you want.. Better to talk , than not say anything at all.

The problem is that you will get stuck in a rut with the use of the alcohol. You will never be happy when you are not drinking until you quit. Alcohol is a depressant which is why you become dependant on being drunk to feel good

Kate, I think that your going to alcohol for a "pick-me-up" which I can say is good but only occasionally. Abuse of this chemical is life threatening, and I'm sure your aware of this. Seems like your not getting what you want from life, that what your living isn't good enough for you.
What I want you to do is write down a list of things you like, your dreams and then post or PM me, I'll see what I can do for ya ;)

Now, someone told me today that I drink for the wrong reasons.
I really didn't mean to upset you...check your PM.

Hope you get things together for yourself Kate, I went through basically the same thing after my divorce and its no fun... drinking every single night, I still drink but only on the weekends, and I don't do it until I pass out anymore. Alcohol caused me to lose my job, my house, and nearly my life this year, don't let it get this bad for you. Get some help, thats about all I can say I don't like talking about it, I just know that excessive drinking is not the answer and if you don't stop or slow down it only gets worse.

I really didn't mean to upset you...check your PM.
Oh crap this could get comfusing, I was talking to her about that too.
Well anyways to the more pressing mattrer, Your addmitting you have a problem and thats the biggest step. Now you need to confront the emotional problems that cause you to drink. Find someone you trust who you can talk too about it, you will feel much better if you do. Trust me keeping it inside is the worst thing you can do.

get off the so called "safe" legal drugs like alcohol. Oh sure its pushed in your face 24/7, but realise that there are better drugs and more important things then drugs..

Just because everyone else drinks doesnt make it the right. Hell i got incredibly drunk 2days ago got kicked out of 2 pubs and i still feel like shit after. Where as if I took some e's and went out all i would lose is some sleep..

but thats off topic..

end of the day, if you are an alcoholic go to a seminar for quitting. possible rehab? its up to you

You should not drink because you hate the way you feel... you should drink while your with friends and having a good time. I go out with friends and drink beer with them all night and thats great. But downing half a bottle of vodka and puking your guts out the next afternoon is not something to look forward to.

Drink while being happy. Never drink to make yourself happy... it doesn't work that way. :(

Best of luck with that damn feeling.

I started a thread a little while back about everything feeling all wrong and now I'm taking a mild anti-depresent called "St. Johns Wort" and I have been getting these feelings that I have never had since I was a kid and it just gives you hope and self-esteme.

I could sit here like everyone else and tell you what you should do, but that would just be like everyone else. So, I'm not going to tell you that you need to do this, or that. You know what you need to do to make this go away, otherwise you wouldn't have said anything in the first place. You're stronger than you think, you just need to realize it. Good luck with everything Kate, I hope it works out for you.

Well Kate everyone said what I was going to say. But we are all here for ya if you need us. Good luck as posted above your alot stronger then you think you are. I have gone threw deep depressions several times. I handled each one differently. I you ever wanna talk pm, email, or im me.

Same thing happens to me when I'm driving my car... nothing else matters.

Face life head on, youre just using alcohol as a scape goat. Just my two cents.

I am sure that everyone here wishes to help. No one should judge you and I am sure no judgement was intended.
Many of us are in the same boat, (better or worse, it doen't matter). Sometimes, we believe what worked for us should work for you.
I won't tell you what to do, except, keep on talking and communicating whats on your mind.
We all have trouble. Believe me, I have experienced many terrible things, some is bad luck, but so much was my poor decisions and judgement. Depression is like an old foe, pretending to be my friend. It's been there for 25 years.
There are some very decent people on this board, so talk to us. My PM box always has room in it for you.

ok I'm gonna give you a little something to think about here...

you've seen a black and white picture right? they can be pretty cool with all the shadows they have.

well have you ever seen an all white picture? probably not, and if you did I'm sure it wasn't cool because it was all white.

now relate white with good and black with evil

you see, like in a black and white photo, you can't realise the good without seeing the bad because without the bad you don't know what good is...


basically what I'm saying is that you have to understand that life sucks a lot of the time, but theres so many good thigns about it that your over looking... I mean, you have the internet obviously, you probably have cable tv or satelite(sp? sorry its 5 a.m.) you have money if you can spend it on beer to get drunk, and afford the internet, etc. you probably have a car seeing as how this is an automotive web site... you seem to have a friend named Tina judging by your signature...

just know that everyone has bad times, some wore than other, and it doesn't seem fair but theres always something to be thankful for

alcohol is a depressant(sp? again, its 5 a.m.), it seems to make thigns better but really it just puts it off to the side... so while your drinking your wasting time that you could be making your life better instead of feeling bad for yourself...



sorry if any of this seems rude.. I went through depression for a little over a year a couple years back so I know what your going through... but I'm just trying to give you advice that will help you see things the right way...

oh and I hope my picture story came out right... like I said, its 5 a.m. :)

Soyo, that was deep.

Well Kate, Im here for you no matter what, I cant speak for everyone else but im sure they are here for you too (*offers Kate a big hug)

If anyone else is willing to help her speak up and let her know what shes got going for her

Thanks for the support everyone...I'm getting better, I think. I'm trying at least...Took myself away from this place for a while, away from the alcohol but I'm back now, just got back a few minutes ago. We will see what will happen. Thank you so much for all that you've said. It's greatly appreciated.





Thank you so much adam, you are such a big help! :smooch:

Anytime! glad your ok :)

Look at WHY you drink/do substances. They should ALWAYS be to enhance an already good experience, not make good from bad or escape.

Oh, and I hear that PMing me topless pics should give you a nice rush of endorphins and seratonin ;):D :evillol:

So THAT'S why you left. I'm glad that you're back now. We're all here for you babe, let us help you. I guess we should all take a step back and see that we helped feed this problem. It'll all get better now that you're back, we're all going to stop.

I'm a little late on posting, but anyway. I know how you feel Kate. Depression hits me quite often. It's just something I've kind of learned to deal with and work out. Something will click in my head and make me depressed. Then I start thinking of how I want to kill myself and yada yada yada. Then I realize how stupid that would be, and I remain depressed for the day and usually better by the next. I refuse to take any prescribed depression medication b/c I feel those medicines are not good for you and hurt you emotionally and physically in the long run.

I do take an herbal pill called St. John's Wart though. It's a mood enhancer which I'm not exactly sure what it does but it helps control my depression. You may want to try a small bottle just to see if it does anything for you. Best wishes.

.....I know I said I was getting better.....yeah, I think it just got real bad real quick....thanks for your help guys, i guess I'm just meant to be like this :screwy:

Edit:(trying not to be a post whore)
People say that depression is a state of mind. to tell you the truth, most states of mind i can get out of. but this, doesnt seem to go away. I can sit here and just stare at one spot, thinking about absolutely nothing. not anything inparticular, maybe a spot on the carpet or the whiteness of the printer. i dont think about anything, i just stare. When i was younger, i didnt understand depression. I didn't understand how people could just sit in 1 spot all day and not move or say anything. I just didn't see how it was possible. Hell just a few weeks ago, i was saying how I had add and couldnt sit still and all. Now, tonight, i've spent more time staring at one spot not thinking about anything and once again its leading me to drink. What i thought was going to get me out of this is looking more and more grim every passing second and nothing seems to be getting me out of this. I wish that there was something to make this better but i guess its just a fact of life that i get to live with.....




just me venting again

.....I know I said I was getting better.....yeah, I think it just got real bad real quick....thanks for your help guys, i guess I'm just meant to be like this :screwy:

Edit:(trying not to be a post whore)
People say that depression is a state of mind. to tell you the truth, most states of mind i can get out of. but this, doesnt seem to go away. I can sit here and just stare at one spot, thinking about absolutely nothing. not anything inparticular, maybe a spot on the carpet or the whiteness of the printer. i dont think about anything, i just stare. When i was younger, i didnt understand depression. I didn't understand how people could just sit in 1 spot all day and not move or say anything. I just didn't see how it was possible. Hell just a few weeks ago, i was saying how I had add and couldnt sit still and all. Now, tonight, i've spent more time staring at one spot not thinking about anything and once again its leading me to drink. What i thought was going to get me out of this is looking more and more grim every passing second and nothing seems to be getting me out of this. I wish that there was something to make this better but i guess its just a fact of life that i get to live with.....




just me venting again

Might I make a another option. I say, your doing all this because your bored. I know when I'm bored I get into trouble. Sooooooo...do something extreme, crazy, eye opening. not like drugs or anything. Those thing's just burn you out. Do sky driving, base jumping, snake charming...ANYTHING. Do something that most people look at and say "Why in the hell would they do that." The reason I say that is because when you do it, and see that you lived through it, the depresstion is scared right out of you. Paintball is one of my adrenaline junky hoppies. think about, it's simple science, booze is a depressate, thus you feel depressed. Adrenaline is a simulant, witch feels you with life. Afterwards, after you realize your still living, or body REWARDS you with feel good chemicals. and rewards are good. P.S.-PM me anytime and I'll be more than happy to talk to you.

.....I know I said I was getting better.....yeah, I think it just got real bad real quick....thanks for your help guys, i guess I'm just meant to be like this :screwy:

Edit:(trying not to be a post whore)
People say that depression is a state of mind. to tell you the truth, most states of mind i can get out of. but this, doesnt seem to go away. I can sit here and just stare at one spot, thinking about absolutely nothing. not anything inparticular, maybe a spot on the carpet or the whiteness of the printer. i dont think about anything, i just stare. When i was younger, i didnt understand depression. I didn't understand how people could just sit in 1 spot all day and not move or say anything. I just didn't see how it was possible. Hell just a few weeks ago, i was saying how I had add and couldnt sit still and all. Now, tonight, i've spent more time staring at one spot not thinking about anything and once again its leading me to drink. What i thought was going to get me out of this is looking more and more grim every passing second and nothing seems to be getting me out of this. I wish that there was something to make this better but i guess its just a fact of life that i get to live with.....




just me venting again
There is no button you can just push to make everything go away, you have to realize why drinking became a problem in the first place. This wont be easy, I wish I could tell you it is but its not. Youve already admitted that you want help and you are trying, to me that means inside you do have the strength to quite drinking. You are a very kind, sweet person who just had some hard times. Everyone goes through something in there lives. Im sure we all have already. I think you stare because you subconciously you are thinking, you just havent reached a conclusion yet. Whatever happens Im here for you.
Love,
Adam