Work Funny

So I come into work today to find the following message posted on every cubicle...appareantly HR seems to have too much time on their hands.

Memo
To: All Employees
From: Human Resources
CC:
Date: 07/22/04
Re: Important Message from HR

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our company.

ATTIRE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Overweight people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

SURGERY:
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed to the Unemployment Offices.

Have a nice day.
Human Resources Dept.




:grinno:

lol

lol, the best is the doctor line :lol:

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
Haha! :lol:

Thats funny. I should copy it and send it to the shops. :rofl:

haha, nice list :lol:

That's going up on the bulletin board today!!

I'm going to print this out on our official business memo and post it up...that is freakin hilarious

I've read that before, pretty cool seeing it again.

Theres even a funnier one about spanish curse words at the office, but it wouldn't be funny if you never heard or understand the words.

absolutely loved it.

i should throw that in my boss's mailbox

lol, that's great Raz!!! Only if I still worked a t a place like that...


:lol2: