Break-up letter

well i dont think this is a repost but if it is sue me!!! worth the read... :iceslolan






Dear Susan :

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an *** like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some ****ling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She’s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can you let me know where the remote control is.

John

:repost: but a funny one!

That never ceases me make me laugh :lol2: :)

.......and the guy has the same name as me. Funny as hell! :lol:

:lol2:

Funny :repost:

And where was this note when i broke up with my ex. ? Oh i can see her face now if i gave her a copy of that! :lol2:

funny....lol....but i think i'd have to go beat the living hell out of that guy if i was given that note

lol thats teh funniest shit ever.

I think my ex-g/f deserves a letter like that...

Lmfao.

Makes me laugh every time :lol:

hahaha :rofl:

:spit: It's not a repost to me. I'm saving that!

throat yogurt :lol:

lol...seen it a few times before, but it's still great

i sent that to my ex as a joke...yeah,, worked like a charm!!!














Never talkin to her again! :ylsuper :D

hmmm... i wanna use it.. but should i edit the letter to my prefrence?

classic

throat yogurt and cinnamin ring... too freaking funny

LMAO thats great!

Fantastic.

Dear John :

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other either during our "cooling off" period, but I understand that you couldn't wait, you never could. The day I left, I swore I'd never talk to you again, but then again how would I get the alimony checks? I knew you would be the first one to make contact, you never could keep your big mouth shut.

In my fantasies, it was always Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt that was crawling up to me, never you. I know you don't care about looking bad anymore, you never did. As for who makes the first move that will be you, I am taking the house. My heart is speaking also. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, John."Thank God. No one will ever treat me like you did and that's a plus! Two weeks ago, I met this guy in my new Aerobics class. Did I mention I've lost 40 pounds? I brought him home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my newly found sexual desires. He was young, maybe 22, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe 4 hours a day of working out can give you. I mean, he was cut. He had a six pack...you wouldn't know what that was because you have never had one of those...he looked like a greek God. Every woman's dream, right? As I was taken into my third orgasm I lay on our bed and stared up at the ceiling and thought...so that's what an orgasm is!

Does it make him better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. Does it make him a better person? Does he have a better heart than my semi attractive middle aged John who only cares about himself? Yes. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd let him toss me about a half a pint of throat yogurt, which I never let you do, I found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" Oh yeah...it was the multiple orgasms he gave me earlier...It wasn't just his flawless technique or desire to have sex over and over and over again...or his shameless hunger, but something else he had that you didn't have.... And then it hit me. He had a bigger C$#@....

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, John to ruin the moment for me. Do you know what I mean? Everything feels so good now that your not here....

Do you remember Frank, the Little League Coach? Well, he dropped by last week and wanted to know if I wanted to go out on a date. I told him sure...we didn't get out of the house...it's funny but he prefers your side of the bed too. Anyway, we had a few glasses of your wine and the next thing I know he's banging me on the kitchen table, on the counter, on the living room floor...I swear we descrated every room in the house, and you called me a prude! If only you could have kept "Little Willy" in your pants and shown me some attention things may have worked out. Anyway that mirror you spoke about...it's nothing compared to the vanity in the bathroom...and then he got kinky...we used the shower head in more ways than I could ever think imaginable...

Saturday, your best friend Jerry dropped by to give me your note...he's been a real friend to me too during this painful time, actually he has been a really good friend to me during our entire marriage...by the way...Tommy is not your son...he's Jerry's...

I don't you think we could start over! Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh... I was thinking more along the lines of posting the pictures of you in drag on the internet and calling it a day!

If you really really want to know where the remote is...it's in storage with the rest of your stuff...

Sincerely
Susan

OMG this thread is so fucking funny! :rofl:

I think this thread should be pinned

Funny Repost !! he he

lol the reply letter, not as good as the first but still hilarious

Nice addition...John got the first hit, that's the key point! :lol2:


And one can always get new friends after u deal with the current :evillol:

1st...Susan didn't care about the other women...:flipa:
2nd...John was only sportin a 4" Dick anyway... :greddy2:
3rd...Susan got the House...:banhim:
4th...Susan got alimony...:slap:
5th...and the satisfaction of posting pictures of John in drag on the internet...4" inches and all...

http://files.automotiveforums.com/gallery/watermark.php?file=/500/200798dragqueen.JPG

Wait...anyone else make the connection of this bein' between John and Ms. Susan???

hahahaha- holy shit, that was soo funny. My friends loved it too. The anal part with the sister is funny as hell.

Wait...anyone else make the connection of this bein' between John and Ms. Susan???


LMFAO!!! Toksin... i didnt know that about you!!! :lol2::lol:

Someone Got It!!! Good Grief....