t0nights j0kes
Oz
07-21-2004, 04:37 AM
A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically.
He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid."
The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her and comes over to her to console her.
He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey."
---
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
---
A wild rabbit got caught and was taken to a laboratory. While he was in there he befriended a rabbit who had been in the lab since the day he was born.
Anyway, one evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been properly closed, and decided to make a break for freedom. He asked the lab rabbit if he would like to join him. The lab rabbit was unsure, as he had never been outside the lab. However, the wild rabbit finally convinced him to give it a try.
Once they were free, the wild rabbit said, "I'll show you the number three best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full of lettuce.
After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show you the number two best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full of carrots.
After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show you the number one best field." and took the lab rabbit to a warren full of female bunnies. It was heaven, non-stop bonking most of the evening.
As dawn was beginning to break, the lab rabbit announced that he would have to be getting back to the lab.
"Why?" said the wild rabbit. "I've shown you the number three best field with the lettuce, the number two best field with the carrots, and the number one best field with the bonking. Why do you want to go back to the lab?"
The lab rabbit replied "I can't help it - I'm dying for a cigarette!"
He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid."
The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her and comes over to her to console her.
He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey."
---
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
---
A wild rabbit got caught and was taken to a laboratory. While he was in there he befriended a rabbit who had been in the lab since the day he was born.
Anyway, one evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been properly closed, and decided to make a break for freedom. He asked the lab rabbit if he would like to join him. The lab rabbit was unsure, as he had never been outside the lab. However, the wild rabbit finally convinced him to give it a try.
Once they were free, the wild rabbit said, "I'll show you the number three best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full of lettuce.
After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show you the number two best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full of carrots.
After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show you the number one best field." and took the lab rabbit to a warren full of female bunnies. It was heaven, non-stop bonking most of the evening.
As dawn was beginning to break, the lab rabbit announced that he would have to be getting back to the lab.
"Why?" said the wild rabbit. "I've shown you the number three best field with the lettuce, the number two best field with the carrots, and the number one best field with the bonking. Why do you want to go back to the lab?"
The lab rabbit replied "I can't help it - I'm dying for a cigarette!"
-Davo
07-21-2004, 04:53 AM
haha!! That's halarious! :lol2: Thanks for that!
RSX-S777
07-21-2004, 05:26 AM
First one is great
Jimster
07-21-2004, 05:32 AM
The Second one is the best! :lol:
Jet-Lee
07-21-2004, 08:04 AM
Love the last one :rofl:
YogsVR4
07-21-2004, 09:03 AM
Good stuff :lol:
psychobadboy
07-21-2004, 09:38 AM
I saw it coming in the second one...other than that, :lol:
Raz_Kaz
07-21-2004, 09:45 AM
The first one ruels!!!!
FireBball972
07-21-2004, 11:07 AM
:lol: love the first one :lol:
SiGNAL748
07-21-2004, 02:37 PM
I liked the 4th one.
Sean
07-21-2004, 05:50 PM
I knew what was going to happen in the 2nd one. The 1st and 3rd ones were good. :lol:
tazdev
07-22-2004, 01:01 AM
heard them all before
good effort though
:P
good effort though
:P
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