Something To Offend Everyone

Since my last thread started a little flaming from Canadians to Americans
I thought it would be better to just get at everyone :D


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only
on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage along
with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern
fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh * t..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

:sly:

The other thread was better.













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hahahahaha, those are hilarious!!

a few of them I laughed out loud :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

wow that was funny :grinno:

great post :thumbsup:

I wondered what happened to the other thread, I was lovin it

These are offensive? to people that cant read?

i like good stuff !!

To those concerned about the other thread....it was deleted because it turned to be a flame war from a j0ke.




Now if anyone else would like to contribute to this thread of offensive jokes, please do :D

WooHoo!!!
US RULES
CANADA SUCKS.




just kidding.

Hey folks, Im back after a 2 month hyatus :) glad to be back to these forums

Welcome back, but appareantly you forgot how AF works...hit new thread instead of reply :lol2:
just messin with ya
where ya been?

hyatus= hiatus.

I have 3 questions:

1. what is a hyatus?

2. what is an Imapla?

3. what is a Camero?

that is all :)

/\ are you joking...?

hiatus is a break from something.

You should so some searching for Impala and Camero yourself....

/\ are you joking...?
No.. what is a Hyatus, Imapla and Camero?

Google will tell you...........

Google will tell you...........
I dont know what else I can do besides bold the mistakes..

Ask your mom.

That some funny shit Raz :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I expect you to have some new ones tommorrow Im gonna need a good laugh :banghead:

point taken. Good eyes

:thefinger You bastards have nothing else to do but to point out typos?
:lol2:
I shall try and come up with some more, maybe others can add too :dunno:

point taken. Good eyes
your mom :rolleyes:

My mom? YOu want to ask her? I got her # if you want it

Those were good. :lol:

My mom? YOu want to ask her? I got her # if you want it
Just stop talking already

lol, yeah i forgot how to use af :) I have been working, and had really slow internet connection at home, as opposed to the fast connection at college :) but now, fast connection at home, every thing is gravy

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

I know one mod who might be mildly offended...

You should know how slow and weak some people are Eversio, give'em a break...

:rolleyes:

Hey, Integra is back!!! Wahoo!

Oh, Raz's jokes. Yeah, good stuff, :cwn27: but they've been posted throughout since long ago...

omg, i love these!!!! w00tage points for you!

:spit: I'll have to remember some of those!


I know one mod who might be mildly offended...

I can think of one who wouldn't be surprised.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbulletin/images/smilies/spit.gif SO TRUE

LAMO, those jokes were great :lol: :rofl:

It's a pickle, no doubt about it. :lol2:

:lol: those were actually better hten i though they would be.

Funny. Too bad about the rest of the thread ( :gay: )

boo this thread!

Since this is for fun and no harm intended I will post if any mod doesn't like them please do delete this post. Here is a couple:
How do you keep a blond secretary occupied? Give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them.

Where did the mexicans come from? The Indians screwed the buffalo.

Why have they never and why will they never have the olympics in mexico? Because all the ones that can run, jump, or swim are already here.

What do you call a black women with braces? A black n decker pecker wrecker.

Oh, burning Jews post!!! What about human rights

Oh, burning Jews post!!! What about human rights

Post edited for the bleeding-heart liberal.:rolleyes:

Oh, burning Jews post!!! What about human rights

Human what?

Oh, burning Jews post!!! What about human rights
I'll explain that one- Only I'm allowed them.

How do you keep black kids from jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

How do you babysit black kids? Wet their lips and stick 'em to the window.

How do you find the population of Mexico? Drop a quarter.

How do you find the richest person in Mexico? It's the one who got the quarter.

A one armed blond is hanging in a tree, how do you get her down? Wave.

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll all just sit in the dark and bitch about it till a woman comes along and changes it.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? 3, one to hold the bulb and two to turn the chair.

(Again) How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? 1, he just stand there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How do you fit 50 Jews in a VW beetle? The ashtray.

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch-&-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

What do you call 10 blondes lined up ear-to-ear? A wind tunnel.

How do you confuse a blonde? Write "over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

I got a lot more, but can't think of them at the moment.

Mods, edit as you see fit.

How do you keep black kids from jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.




How do you get them down?

Invite over a mexican family and tell them its a pinata party


(not my joke, heard it at work)

/\ That's f*ckin hilarious!!! :spit:

Keep 'em coming boys!


What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice
What is worse than 4 babies in one trash can?
One baby in 4 trash cans
What do you call a bunch of spanish people holding hands around a house?
A spicket fence
What do you call 1 white guy surrounded by 50 black guys?
The warden
A redneck takes his 13 year old daughter to the Gynecologist. The Dr asks if she is sexually active! The redneck replies, "No she just lies there like her mother!"
Whats the difference between a lawyer and a cat-fish?
One's a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish
Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear zippers from miles away
Last one for today...
A black guy, a mexican, a white guy, a jew, and a muslim are standing around a filthy toilet, which one cleans it?





























None of them, it's a woman's job
:lol2:

What is worse than 4 babies in one trash can?
One baby in 4 trash cans







:eek:

Loved the last one Raz!!! Did not see that one comin! :rofl:

ok i got one
how do you keep a mexican from finding your money?
put it under the soap

How do you make a dead baby float?

















One part root beer, one part dead baby.