The Official Joke Thread

Alright I got a couple.

A brain walks into the bar and asks for a beer. The bartender responds by saying I can't serve you, you're out of your head.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and gets the giraffe drunk and eventually it passes out. As he gets up to leave the bartender says "Are you just gonna leave that lyin' there?" The man replies saying "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

:disappoin

wow, those are really bad

:iagree: :disappoin

wow..taht was pretty shitty

My Turn!!!!!
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.

At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

:eek: This thread sux!

shorty's joke wasnt too bad... but yeah, how many joke threads are there right now?

yeah I agree too many.

Die Thread, DIE!

One of my favorites...

A man went to the doctor and said, doc, I need your help. I need 3 Viagra's for this weekend. The doctor said, that is too much to take in one weekend. The man said, please, I really need them. The doctor said, why 3? He said, well my girlfriend is coming to see me Friday night, my ex is coming to see me Saturday night, and my wife is coming home Sunday night. So please, you have to help me. The doctor thought about it for a minute and said, ok, only if you come back in on Monday and let me check you out. The man said, ok, I will be here. The man comes in on Monday. The doctor walks in the room and the man is setting there with his arm in a sling. The doctor said, what happened to you. The man said...no on showed up! :iceslolan

^^ :rolleyes: :thumbsdow

A man went to the doctor and said, doc, I need your help. I need 3 Viagra's for this weekend. The doctor said, that is too much to take in one weekend. The man said, please, I really need them. The doctor said, why 3? He said, well my girlfriend is coming to see me Friday night, my ex is coming to see me Saturday night, and my wife is coming home Sunday night. So please, you have to help me. The doctor thought about it for a minute and said, ok, only if you come back in on Monday and let me check you out. The man said, ok, I will be here. The man comes in on Monday. The doctor walks in the room and the man is setting there with his arm in a sling. The doctor said, what happened to you. The man said...no on showed up! :iceslolan
:lol2::rofl:
That's hilarious!!!

^ yeah, that ones the best so far :grinno: :lol:

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel between his legs.
One guy says to the pirate, "hey pirate dude, you got a steering wheel between your legs." And the pirate says "Arr, I know, It's driving me nuts."

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel between his legs.
One guy says to the pirate, "hey pirate dude, you got a steering wheel between your legs." And the pirate says "Arr, I know, It's driving me nuts."


:eek7:













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A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel between his legs.
One guy says to the pirate, "hey pirate dude, you got a steering wheel between your legs." And the pirate says "Arr, I know, It's driving me nuts."

Good one Em! :biggrin:



(tell Blake that Nicholas says hi!!)

I guess this is where we dump all the bad jokes huh?
Wanna hear 2 short jokes and a long joke?






















joke, joke, joooooooooke

man this thread sucks

Now Raz, you liked my joke.

Now Raz, you liked my joke.
Yea thats cuz I like you :naughty:
:lol2:

there was this mollusk...

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a hit man," was the reply. "You're joking!" was the response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that?... Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her. He's naked as well! ...That bitch!" He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson." The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand ....."

good one psycho

I think pycho's is the best so far

:lol: Aw man, that was a GOOD joke...I though this was the BAD joke dump. :icon16:

psycho man that was the best joke in here. not the best joke ever, but damn at least you made me chuckle. what the hell is with the rest of these jokes? seems every time a joke thread is made it gets worse and worse

Way to go Psycho!!! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

There's a phrase that won't be heard much in this world... :p

Yea thats cuz I like you :naughty:
:lol2:
thats sad man... :rofl: :disappoin

/\ You Shaddup and psycho, thats a :repost:
But still hillarious, heard it many many many times

hey its a good repost

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Psalm 129." The priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It read, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

and


An attractive blonde and a handsome man step into the same elevator. The blonde sighs happily and says 'TGIF', and is surprised when the man replies 'SHIT'. The blonde thinks perhaps he didn't hear her correctly, so she repeats it once again: 'TGIF!' and once again the man replies 'S H I T'. Finally, the blonde explains 'Sir, TGIF - Thank God it's Friday!' Stepping out of the elevator, the man smirks and says 'S H I T - Sorry honey, it's Thursday.'

three friends went rock climbing and got to the top the moutain
as they set to ascend from the top they had an encounter with an angel
she tells them that she will be able to grant them anything they wish as long as they have faith
she explains further that if they jump off the side of the mountain, and yell out what it is that they want, it will come true
they were skeptical at first but decided to give it a try
the first guy tkaes a run an jumps off and yells " I wanna be a Billionaire! "
***POOF***
he becomes a billionaire
The second guy becomes very excited and runs and jumps right off and yells: " I wanna be the richest ma on earth! "
***POOF***
He becomes the richest man on earth!
Not to be outdone the last guy thinks about it for w few seconds
" I should find something even better to wish for than the other two guys " he thinks to himself...
he's got it!
he takes a few steps back making sure he'll be able to clear the jump
he runs straight for the edge and suddenly trips over a branch falling over the edge....as he's right about to fall he yells: ...." SH*T!!! "
***POOF***......

How about a parachute to enjoy it?