busted!! caught in a lie......help???

Here is the situation.......

Boyfriend and I broke up, we were still working on things (nothing really changed except seeing less of each other). we both agreed not to sleep with anyone or see anyone else.

needless to say, i caught him almost red handed. i found one condom missing. ( i knew there were two left after the last time we used them). how i found out one was missing is that i just looked. it was gone, well i found the used condom in the trash. i was devastated. not only did i feel bad for snooping but i felt worse that my feelings had been disregarded and that i felt disrespected.

when i confronted him, he lied about it. came up with some story blah blah blah. it took him less than a week to admit he did but when he did he said, " i lied, i was wrong". he also said, "what i did (sleeping with someone) wasn't wrong".
he thinks that b/c we weren't BF & GF that it wasn't wrong but what matters is how i feel. yet again i feel my feelings are being disregarded.

i'm so confused right now.........i really like this guy and want things to work out but my mind tells me if things have gotten this bad and gone in this direction that perhaps i should just move on.

heres my question's.........

how wrong is he for sleeping with her even though we were broke up yet still working on things??

should i just really move on, not give this relationship a 2nd chance??

please provide opinions and thoughts........be open and honest as you like.

Everybody makes mistakes and a life with out forgiveness is a life of loneliness

Well I think this rule of "hey we're broken up, but you still can't have sex with other girls" hits alot of people. I'm sure all guys are going to say that if you are broken up then, other girls are free game while all girls are going to say exactly the opposite. My opinion is that girls need to tell guys what the rules are flat out. Guys aren't good at reading minds or picking up on read between the line kind of things, and most of the time they don't even try. I don't think anyone here can tell you what to do about this guy because they don't know how you feel about him, but I would say that this offense is forgivable. If you do want to pursue a relationship with him you need to find out who this girl was and what theyre relationship is. If it was just a one night thing because he was lonely and didn't have a gf, I wouldn't think she is a threat. Make sure this guy does have feelings for you though and is not just keeping you around as a constant source of booty while still having the opportunity to pick up other girls. :disappoin

BTW This sounds a lot like the infamous "we we're on a break" episode of friends.

lol, very good advice. thank you.


well, i do care a lot about this guy and i have forgiven him for the lie but the thought that he slept with someone else haunts me. now, it's about forgetting but the saying goes....forgive and forget relive and regreat. i'm just torn, hurt and confused b/c i do care so much about him.

i've agreed that the act of sleeping with someone else wasn't really wrong b/c of the situation, it's the fact that i feel my feelings were ignored. i guess i just have to deal with it and move on if i want things to work out.

i believe he has feelings for me and really does care. we've only had sex 2 or 3 times since the break up over 2 months ago. so i know i'm not a booty call b/c we've seen each other more than those 2 or 3 times. he does do things that make me believe he still cares.

thanks again........

I'm sorry, but I have the opinion, if you're broken up, you can't say "no sex with other people". You're no longer together to make rules. I think the only thing he was in the wrong for was his disregard for your feelings, but as far as sleeping with another girl while you aren't together...nothing wrong there. Sorry.
:2cents:

Staple it to his door. :icon16:

And..well..you guys arent a couple anymore, so..really..he is a "free man"

^dude chill; she might not have had time, or she might have been offline at the time.

razzle dazzle is another example of why we need "banners"
back on topic, I don't think what he did was wrong in a way. You weren't seeing him so there was no reason for him not to. If he agreed not to then he broke the bond, but my question to you is why did you agree not to sleep with anyone else if you guy's arent going out?

^(ignoring all his posts, and back to the topic at hand)


While its fair to say that you were hurt by this, you can't really get mad at him about it. I think you should talk to him, and find out how he really feels. You should talk and get a feeling for where each other stands. if youre not on the same page, maybe its time to move on

i was away and didn't get to your PM's razzle.

going to read them now, freak!!! ;-)

razzle dazzle is another example of why we need "banners"
back on topic, I don't think what he did was wrong in a way. You weren't seeing him so there was no reason for him not to. If he agreed not to then he broke the bond, but my question to you is why did you agree not to sleep with anyone else if you guy's arent going out?

the agreement was set by him at first when i mentioned something about feeling down and needing some affection. he asked me not to go looking for it elswhere.......then the agreement was made we both wouldn't look elsewhere for anything.



i do this to a lot of girls
and i have almost all of them convinced that i love them
its easier to get ass that way when what you really want (as far as a new girl) falls through
dump him...get away, and the only reason i'm telling you this is because i don't ever have to see you in person
be smart
listen to your head
i believe that someday i'll find the right person, but now i have little remorse for screwing someone over who allows it to happen to themselves... DON"T BE IGNORANT, you are only setting yourself up to be hurt


funny thing is i know guys are like this and i'm worried i might be getting burned. yet again, my head and heart believes two different things here. one being i'm getting burnt, the other that this guy really does care about me.

i appreciate everyones advice and opinions. this is what i asked for, it helps me to determine what i'm unable to on my own. thanks!!!!

from here, i'll continue to be his friend b/c right now, our relationship stuff is on hold. whatever happens, i guess will happen. only time will tell. and from this point, i refuse to let this topic bother me, i have fogiven him, now i shall try hard to forget and move on, with or with out him.

for future reference, do not take any of razzle-dazzle's idea into consideration, just a head's up if you want to continue living normally.
Well if he started the idea of seperating in a way, than you should be mad, because you kept your end of the deal which he insited on

breaking up and "working on it"? what does that mean. You cant leave him and come back later and not expect him to chase tail in between.

My opinion is it was wrong. It would be different if yall were not working on things. But since you were he should have respected you. Since it happened so fast too, does it make you wonder if he ever cheated on you while you were a copule?

You need to talk to your guy about this, be totaly open and honoust, dont hold anything back. Trust me on this I just broke up with my G/F, the relationship could have been saved if we had talked about what was going on. The term "just friends" can mean alot of different things, sometimes it means just that, but in many cases its a polite way of saying "its over, I just dont have the heart to say it to your face." If you both still have feelings for each other, you should sit down and define some rules. About the sex after you have broken up, I personally think that is a bad idea (WOW, I dont believe I actually would say that :screwy: ). Guys are very bad with emotions, if he is as confused as I was, he might get the wrong Idea and start thinking you two are back together, and in reallity you are not, that will only make things worse. The other girl it seams (to me anyways, I dont have full details) to be a one night stand, something to just help him deal with what is going on. Talk to him let him know exactly how you feel, hold nothing back. It may sould stupid but its the best thing to do. Communication is the key!

It's funny that no girls have replied yet, I bet they would have been like

"nah uh girlfriend, you need to dump that loser and find yourself a real man, girl power!" :loser:

or something like that. :biggrin:

/\ kinda offensive, appologise before it's too late!

/\ kinda offensive, appologise before it's too late!


haha i didnt think it was offensive..but im not one to offend anybody so i's a goin to apalogize in advance..so sorry :icon16:

It's funny that no girls have replied yet, I bet they would have been like

"nah uh girlfriend, you need to dump that loser and find yourself a real man, girl power!" :loser:

or something like that. :biggrin:

True
true
true
I think that maybe we have just seen to much daytime tv

He doesnt learn...it's ok

To be brutally honest, and I don't intend to hurt feelings, here- if he LOVED you and really wanted to work things out, would he have done this to you. If I love a girl- there's no way in hell I'm even thinking about sleeping with someone else. Screwing other girls shows a lack of interest in truly working things out and a lack of respect for your feelings. Find a man who respects you. When he realizes that he sacrificed a good woman for cheap tail, he'll be sorry...

To be brutally honest, and I don't intend to hurt feelings, here- if he LOVED you and really wanted to work things out, would he have done this to you. If I love a girl- there's no way in hell I'm even thinking about sleeping with someone else. Screwing other girls shows a lack of interest in truly working things out and a lack of respect for your feelings. Find a man who respects you. When he realizes that he sacrificed a good woman for cheap tail, he'll be sorry...

i agree and your honest opinion is what i was looking for.

i'm going to just not worry about it and move on. i know i deserve to be with someone who will treat me with the same respect and dignity that i give them.

thanks again for all advice.........the more the marry'er.

hey hotgrlzracin......im single!
hope that helped........
lol...
sorry, that's always a tough subject, but I think if he did it to you like that, he'll probley do it again...but it's your life, and you know him better than I do (obviously)...basically, do what you want, and I hope it goes good for you. Talking always seems to help one way or another....Good luck!

To be brutally honest, and I don't intend to hurt feelings, here- if he LOVED you and really wanted to work things out, would he have done this to you. If I love a girl- there's no way in hell I'm even thinking about sleeping with someone else. Screwing other girls shows a lack of interest in truly working things out and a lack of respect for your feelings. Find a man who respects you. When he realizes that he sacrificed a good woman for cheap tail, he'll be sorry...
:eek2: That's not RSX-S7777 talking!!! It's an imposter, get him!!!

*Lifts wig and to reveal horns, removes giant, mirrored aviator sunglasses to reveal glowing, red eyes*

"Keep it down, Kaz...I'm undercover...jeeez..."

my bad
*shuts mouth up and leaves the room*

i'm going to just not worry about it and move on.

I personally have never really bought that whole forgive and forget thing. When something like this is really bothering me, nothing makes it linger more than trying to just shrug it off and forget about it. Forgiveness may come with time, but these are things that you NEVER forget about.

If you feel pissed off and hurt, be pissed off and hurt. Don't let something that really upsets you slide just because some stupid cliche says you're supposed to.

I've been in a position similar to the one in question here, and I screwed it up in a manner similar to what he did because I was naive. My whole world got turned upside down, and I was hating life for quite a while. Of course I came out on the other side a stronger, slightly less dumb guy, so even though it was painful as hell I'm sure I'm better off for it. The point of this is that I think many guys are a little bit clueless about these things, and it takes an earth-shattering event to make them realize some of the things they were doing that they didn't know were wrong, and to know a little more about what loving someone is really about.

Forgive and forget if you want things to stay exactly the same way they have always been. Give him a hard punch in the nose (figuratively speaking), leave his ego on the ground crying like a little girl and you stand a chance at making some good come out of this. Sometimes that's what it takes with us...

Here is the situation.......

Boyfriend and I broke up, we were still working on things (nothing really changed except seeing less of each other). we both agreed not to sleep with anyone or see anyone else.

needless to say, i caught him almost red handed. i found one condom missing. ( i knew there were two left after the last time we used them). how i found out one was missing is that i just looked. it was gone, well i found the used condom in the trash. i was devastated. not only did i feel bad for snooping but i felt worse that my feelings had been disregarded and that i felt disrespected.

when i confronted him, he lied about it. came up with some story blah blah blah. it took him less than a week to admit he did but when he did he said, " i lied, i was wrong". he also said, "what i did (sleeping with someone) wasn't wrong".
he thinks that b/c we weren't BF & GF that it wasn't wrong but what matters is how i feel. yet again i feel my feelings are being disregarded.

i'm so confused right now.........i really like this guy and want things to work out but my mind tells me if things have gotten this bad and gone in this direction that perhaps i should just move on.

heres my question's.........

how wrong is he for sleeping with her even though we were broke up yet still working on things??

should i just really move on, not give this relationship a 2nd chance??

please provide opinions and thoughts........be open and honest as you like.

Everybody makes mistakes and a life with out forgiveness is a life of loneliness

Your fault for trusting him

the "we're broken up, but i still don't want you to sleep with anyone" is stupid.
It's like saying "You're fired, but I still want you to work for me"!?!?! WTF!?!?

you must realise, YOU BROKE UP.
If you can't understand what that means, then you shouldn't be seing people

I agree with the dude. It doesn't matter.
You're saying it's your feelings. Did you ever stop to think, or even ask how he feels?
He might think "we broke up because she stoped liking me anymore so I'll do what I want" and I agree with that.
Fuck it. If you do not share the same bond anymore, stop trying to control him.