Retarded shit of my roommate's
speediva
06-22-2004, 06:14 PM
Okay, so I moved out of the house and into an apartment with a friend of a friend for the summer and fall semesters. I figured it couldn't be THAT bad, right? At least I knew who she was. I'd gone out to eat in a group with her before, and while maybe not the brightest crayon in the box, she didn't SEEM too terribly dumb. BOY WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE.
So I go over to help get the apartment ready for us to live in b/c even though she's paying for the apartment, she'd been living next door at her b/f's for months. Okay, so I come over with my b/f, and she says she has NO idea how to put up a wallpaper border in the bathroom. Oh, and she's like "I hope you like dolphins cause that's the theme of the BR". I usually couldn't care less, but after you see the list of dolphin SHIT she has EVERYWHERE, you'll understand why I want to go on a shooting spree. Okay, so b/c she can't read the directions on the wallpaper to put it up, my b/f and I do it all. It's not a big BR, so it wasn't really a big deal. About 2 weeks later I move in officially. Here is the list of retarded dolphin shit in the BATHROOM ALONE: the border, bath mat, shower curtain, SHOWER CURTAIN RINGS!?!?!, hand towel, window curtains, this stupid ass wax-covered stuffed animal whale thing (see later in rant), trash can, TOILET BRUSH?!?!, soap dish, light switch. Yeah, so... Other stupid shit in the bathroom includes THREE combs (all the same style), 3 curling hair brushes as well as a paddle brush, 2 hair dryers, 2 curling irons (okay, at least they are 2 different sizes), and a crimping iron that has like 800 different crimping styles only for her to leave the flattening irons on. I have mentioned that she doesn't even live in the apartment, right?
Speaking of not living in the apartment, she still spends 99.9% of her time over there. She only comes over to make sure her cat is fed and to drop off shopping bags full of shit to pile on her bed. The bed, my friends, has NEVER been slept in in the 3 or so weeks she's had it. Why? b/c she has shit piled LITERALLY 2 feet high on it, and has had a pile of shit on it from day one. She also has a computer over here that she has used TWICE in 2 months... She prefers to use one of the 8 or so computers in her b/f's apartment. (He's an IT graduate, but still).
Continuing on the bedroom rant, she told me the "theme" was going to be celestial... you know, suns and stars and shit. Okay, fine, whatever. I have a celetial themed bedroom at my parents, so whatever. So what is the REAL theme in the bedroom? Well, besides my flower bedspread, the window curtains are celestial, her bed sheets are celestial, and the rest of the shit in there is WINNIE THE POOH AND DOLPHINS!!!!! :mad: Care to read all the shit she has that is Winnie the Pooh? Here: In the kitchen, a bowl set; In the living room, a clock; In the hallway, 2 balloons (she got them for her TWENTY FIRST birthday... they say happy 1st birthday, but they wrote a 2 in front... they've been there for a week); In the bathroom, a box of dixie paper cups; and finally In the BEDROOM, a statuette, 2 framed posters, 5+ stuffed animals, a pillow, her dirty clothes hamper, a flashlight, and only God knows how many bits of clothes.
Okay, so I live with a fucking 21 year old WINNIE THE POOH FREAK!!! But that's not enough. The dolphins are not only found in the bathroom. Oh no, the theme couldn't be consolidated... there are 2 statuettes and a calendar in the living room as well as 5 pictures and a nightlight in the bedroom. Lemme tell ya, we're stylin. :eek7:
Oh, I am supposed to tell you about these small stuffed animals covered in WAX. They are soooooo gross, it's not even right. She got them b/c they smell pretty... yeah, okay. So what they are is stuffed animals with SMELLY, CHUNKY CANDLE WAX on them. :icon16: Yeah, that's right, they are frozen solid with candle wax.
So basically, I live with a dolphin and Pooh-freak who is fat and ugly with a crappy personality. Former cheerleader gone bad... enough said?
So I go over to help get the apartment ready for us to live in b/c even though she's paying for the apartment, she'd been living next door at her b/f's for months. Okay, so I come over with my b/f, and she says she has NO idea how to put up a wallpaper border in the bathroom. Oh, and she's like "I hope you like dolphins cause that's the theme of the BR". I usually couldn't care less, but after you see the list of dolphin SHIT she has EVERYWHERE, you'll understand why I want to go on a shooting spree. Okay, so b/c she can't read the directions on the wallpaper to put it up, my b/f and I do it all. It's not a big BR, so it wasn't really a big deal. About 2 weeks later I move in officially. Here is the list of retarded dolphin shit in the BATHROOM ALONE: the border, bath mat, shower curtain, SHOWER CURTAIN RINGS!?!?!, hand towel, window curtains, this stupid ass wax-covered stuffed animal whale thing (see later in rant), trash can, TOILET BRUSH?!?!, soap dish, light switch. Yeah, so... Other stupid shit in the bathroom includes THREE combs (all the same style), 3 curling hair brushes as well as a paddle brush, 2 hair dryers, 2 curling irons (okay, at least they are 2 different sizes), and a crimping iron that has like 800 different crimping styles only for her to leave the flattening irons on. I have mentioned that she doesn't even live in the apartment, right?
Speaking of not living in the apartment, she still spends 99.9% of her time over there. She only comes over to make sure her cat is fed and to drop off shopping bags full of shit to pile on her bed. The bed, my friends, has NEVER been slept in in the 3 or so weeks she's had it. Why? b/c she has shit piled LITERALLY 2 feet high on it, and has had a pile of shit on it from day one. She also has a computer over here that she has used TWICE in 2 months... She prefers to use one of the 8 or so computers in her b/f's apartment. (He's an IT graduate, but still).
Continuing on the bedroom rant, she told me the "theme" was going to be celestial... you know, suns and stars and shit. Okay, fine, whatever. I have a celetial themed bedroom at my parents, so whatever. So what is the REAL theme in the bedroom? Well, besides my flower bedspread, the window curtains are celestial, her bed sheets are celestial, and the rest of the shit in there is WINNIE THE POOH AND DOLPHINS!!!!! :mad: Care to read all the shit she has that is Winnie the Pooh? Here: In the kitchen, a bowl set; In the living room, a clock; In the hallway, 2 balloons (she got them for her TWENTY FIRST birthday... they say happy 1st birthday, but they wrote a 2 in front... they've been there for a week); In the bathroom, a box of dixie paper cups; and finally In the BEDROOM, a statuette, 2 framed posters, 5+ stuffed animals, a pillow, her dirty clothes hamper, a flashlight, and only God knows how many bits of clothes.
Okay, so I live with a fucking 21 year old WINNIE THE POOH FREAK!!! But that's not enough. The dolphins are not only found in the bathroom. Oh no, the theme couldn't be consolidated... there are 2 statuettes and a calendar in the living room as well as 5 pictures and a nightlight in the bedroom. Lemme tell ya, we're stylin. :eek7:
Oh, I am supposed to tell you about these small stuffed animals covered in WAX. They are soooooo gross, it's not even right. She got them b/c they smell pretty... yeah, okay. So what they are is stuffed animals with SMELLY, CHUNKY CANDLE WAX on them. :icon16: Yeah, that's right, they are frozen solid with candle wax.
So basically, I live with a dolphin and Pooh-freak who is fat and ugly with a crappy personality. Former cheerleader gone bad... enough said?
l33tc4k30fd00m
06-22-2004, 06:23 PM
Tell her you punched a dolphin in the face once for looking at you funny.
Then tell her it died.
Then tell her it died.
Toksin
06-22-2004, 06:49 PM
Get a length of string, sizeable thickness. Actually, make it two. Ask Dave to tie hangman's nooses in each one. Hang a dolphin and a pooh outside. Just leave em dangling. When she asks about em, tell her they're windchimes.
speediva
06-22-2004, 06:52 PM
Tell her you punched a dolphin in the face once for looking at you funny.
Then tell her it died.
I might not do that, but once our 2 cats become friends (I just brought my cat up last night), I'm gonna train them to attack her on sight! :lol2:
Then tell her it died.
I might not do that, but once our 2 cats become friends (I just brought my cat up last night), I'm gonna train them to attack her on sight! :lol2:
2strokebloke
06-22-2004, 07:04 PM
So, you don't like dolphins?
Afrofent
06-22-2004, 07:04 PM
Haha, wow. Sound's like one crazy person your living with/not living with.
TexasF355F1
06-22-2004, 07:42 PM
I think I would go insane. She sounds kind of obsessive compulsive.
The dumbest girl I ever met: We were sitting around eating and one of my buddies says, "I guess your not the sharpest pencil in the box." She replies, "What, are you calling me fat?" :lol2:
The dumbest girl I ever met: We were sitting around eating and one of my buddies says, "I guess your not the sharpest pencil in the box." She replies, "What, are you calling me fat?" :lol2:
HogieGT-R
06-22-2004, 07:48 PM
21 and she's crazy about winnie the pooh?! wow...i could understand Ninja Turtles, but winnie the pooh?! I'm feelin for you....that'd freak me out. yup i say go with toksin's idea:evillol:
RSX-S777
06-22-2004, 08:46 PM
Can any male here imagine DATING this roommate? *Shudder*
Tell her her new "theme" should be 'fat mental patient'. Straight jackets, steel-screened windows, tubs of chocolate frosting...it'll be precious!
Tell her her new "theme" should be 'fat mental patient'. Straight jackets, steel-screened windows, tubs of chocolate frosting...it'll be precious!
Oz
06-22-2004, 09:21 PM
Sounds like you need some therapy. This page should help you:
http://flatemater.blogspot.com/
Authored by someone I know on another board from Adelaide.
http://flatemater.blogspot.com/
Authored by someone I know on another board from Adelaide.
Jimster
06-22-2004, 09:36 PM
Sounds like fun! :naughty:
speediva
06-22-2004, 10:56 PM
This just in: My fucking roommate is giving the goddamn cats CATNIP at 11pm. Yay... just as I want to go to sleep. Fuckin bitch.
MagicRat
06-22-2004, 11:03 PM
Tell the room mate that you love dolphins.....they taste like chicken!!
zebrathree
06-22-2004, 11:33 PM
I recommend the HK USP :
http://www.streetpro.com/usp/images/uspbrass.jpg
Insert magazine, release safety, pull slide back (and release) and tell her you want a bullet hole theme.
http://www.streetpro.com/usp/images/uspbrass.jpg
Insert magazine, release safety, pull slide back (and release) and tell her you want a bullet hole theme.
Oz
06-22-2004, 11:41 PM
:lol:
Integra06
06-23-2004, 12:17 AM
I recommend the HK USP :
http://www.streetpro.com/usp/images/uspbrass.jpg
Insert magazine, release safety, pull slide back (and release) and tell her you want a bullet hole theme.
Throw in a few fragmentation grenades and you've got a shrapnel theme as well.
http://www.streetpro.com/usp/images/uspbrass.jpg
Insert magazine, release safety, pull slide back (and release) and tell her you want a bullet hole theme.
Throw in a few fragmentation grenades and you've got a shrapnel theme as well.
Dublinguy
06-23-2004, 06:23 AM
Okay, so I live with a fucking 21 year old WINNIE THE POOH FREAK!!! ......
You think you got it bad...my Fiance is 26 next Tuesday and she is still a Winnie the Pooh Freak. God Help anyone who wants to stay in our spare bedroom cause they will have to fight their way through Pooh bears to get into the bed and then wake up with one in their face. On top of that, silly romantic old me is bringing her to Belfast on Saturday, (its about an hour and half drive from where we live) to go shopping for her birthday. Of course what did silly old me forget, Oh Yeah there is a Disney store in Belfast, So who will be the gimp carrying Pooh around Belfast!!!!!!!!
Although who am I to talk I got the box room for my model cars...lol
You think you got it bad...my Fiance is 26 next Tuesday and she is still a Winnie the Pooh Freak. God Help anyone who wants to stay in our spare bedroom cause they will have to fight their way through Pooh bears to get into the bed and then wake up with one in their face. On top of that, silly romantic old me is bringing her to Belfast on Saturday, (its about an hour and half drive from where we live) to go shopping for her birthday. Of course what did silly old me forget, Oh Yeah there is a Disney store in Belfast, So who will be the gimp carrying Pooh around Belfast!!!!!!!!
Although who am I to talk I got the box room for my model cars...lol
CarSuperfreak
06-23-2004, 08:25 AM
haha, combine all ideas: punching the dolphin, dolphin and pooh effiges (sp?), eating dolphin, fat mental patient theme, and bullet hole theme
all these ideas are priceless :lol::lol::lol:
all these ideas are priceless :lol::lol::lol:
ac427cpe
06-23-2004, 08:56 AM
lmao @ rhys!!!!
but tangie, y not just tell you roommate that it messes with your Feng Shui and unless the apartment is made "nicer" (i.e. lack of her shit) the negative chi will cause her b/f to dump her and her breasts to fall off. ...or something like that?
or, since she's never there you could slowly and gradually just BOX everything of her's that's out and random... i'm sure it would take her a while to notice
but tangie, y not just tell you roommate that it messes with your Feng Shui and unless the apartment is made "nicer" (i.e. lack of her shit) the negative chi will cause her b/f to dump her and her breasts to fall off. ...or something like that?
or, since she's never there you could slowly and gradually just BOX everything of her's that's out and random... i'm sure it would take her a while to notice
ghostguy6
06-23-2004, 09:40 AM
I recommend the HK USP :
http://www.streetpro.com/usp/images/uspbrass.jpg
Insert magazine, release safety, pull slide back (and release) and tell her you want a bullet hole theme.
I recommend something just a we bit bigger
http://www.hkpro.com/image/gmgcover.jpg Then after your done redecorating perhaps you should offer your room mate a nice tuna sandwich as a peace offering, the odds are if she loves dolphins that much you can bet shes agains that whole fishing the ocean with nets BS
http://www.streetpro.com/usp/images/uspbrass.jpg
Insert magazine, release safety, pull slide back (and release) and tell her you want a bullet hole theme.
I recommend something just a we bit bigger
http://www.hkpro.com/image/gmgcover.jpg Then after your done redecorating perhaps you should offer your room mate a nice tuna sandwich as a peace offering, the odds are if she loves dolphins that much you can bet shes agains that whole fishing the ocean with nets BS
lamehonda
06-23-2004, 01:34 PM
didn't you say she was paying?
If she is, consider the pain as payment for the apt
If she is, consider the pain as payment for the apt
speediva
06-23-2004, 02:28 PM
She pays 1/2 of the rent... I pay 1/2 of the rent... I get about 1/4 of the space in the apartment b/c her shit is EVERYWHERE.
Today, she CLAIMS she'll clean up her shit. I have to go home tonight for an early doc appt. in the morning... We'll see how "clean" things get.
Today, she CLAIMS she'll clean up her shit. I have to go home tonight for an early doc appt. in the morning... We'll see how "clean" things get.
kittedb18bt
06-23-2004, 04:36 PM
...she's paying for the apartment...
paying for the whole thing? shoot i wouldn't complain then. i am at work, so maybe i read that wrong.
someone has some serious issues here. i love the comments i have read so far about getting the message across that you dont like what you see.
paying for the whole thing? shoot i wouldn't complain then. i am at work, so maybe i read that wrong.
someone has some serious issues here. i love the comments i have read so far about getting the message across that you dont like what you see.
lamehonda
06-23-2004, 05:24 PM
She pays 1/2 of the rent... I pay 1/2 of the rent... I get about 1/4 of the space in the apartment b/c her shit is EVERYWHERE.
Today, she CLAIMS she'll clean up her shit. I have to go home tonight for an early doc appt. in the morning... We'll see how "clean" things get.
stop paying for your half untile she picks up her sh*t
Today, she CLAIMS she'll clean up her shit. I have to go home tonight for an early doc appt. in the morning... We'll see how "clean" things get.
stop paying for your half untile she picks up her sh*t
speediva
06-23-2004, 06:07 PM
OH MY GOSH!!!! Did anyone feel the ground shake??? She actually started to clean up her shit!!! I can see her bed!!!
publicenemy137
06-23-2004, 06:19 PM
^ hahhahaha. She sounds like a hoarder, a pack rat who keeps everything and lets it pile up.
zebrathree
06-24-2004, 03:22 AM
OH MY GOSH!!!! Did anyone feel the ground shake??? She actually started to clean up her shit!!! I can see her bed!!!
I did, but it thought you had pulled out the MK19 like Ghostguy posted :icon16:
I did, but it thought you had pulled out the MK19 like Ghostguy posted :icon16:
pickle
06-24-2004, 04:47 AM
Garage Sale?
CarSuperfreak
06-24-2004, 08:50 AM
^while shes gone! :naughty:
speediva
06-24-2004, 03:42 PM
^while shes gone! :naughty:
She's out of town this weekend.... THIS COULD BE THE BEST 2 DAYS OF MY LIFE!!!! :evillol:
She's out of town this weekend.... THIS COULD BE THE BEST 2 DAYS OF MY LIFE!!!! :evillol:
RicR_wana_B
06-25-2004, 05:28 AM
it never works out that way, you'll spend alot of those two days "cleaning" her shit(my brother is kind of like her) and when she gets back she will find and bring it all back out... but hey enjoy
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