DUI Quotes
-GS-
06-18-2004, 11:22 PM
Most of these jewels were spoken by intoxicated individuals who are trying their best to get away with something. My intentions are not to embarrass anyone, just to show examples of the effects of alcohol. New Quotes Added 01/01/2004
"I am going to arrest you." This was a drunk guy's answer in response to my question of "Do you know what will happen if I can't find someplace for you to stay?" Sometimes, you just have to laugh.
"No! No! No! That's not how the tests went on an episode of COPS!" Said as the driver jumped up and down after performing poorly on the field sobriety test.
"I didn't mean to drive. I was just parking my car." Wasn't the car parked already before you began to drive it drunk?
"No, I don't have an id. How did I get in the bar? They checked my id at the door!" Drunk and 18 years old when I asked her for her id.
"I don't mean to discooperate with you" Hmm, can't find that word in the dictionary. Can you?
"I'm not driving [pointing at the passenger], she is. She has a driver's license, not me." Not only did the passenger have a valid license, it was her car and she was sober. The driver had been drinking and his license was suspended.
"I was going to the bathroom and a slipped and fell on my driver's license."
I asked this drunk fellow 2 questions, what happened (he had a bleeding face) and do you have a driver's license?
"Why don't I have any identification? My dog ate my wallet." I said identification, not homework!
"I want to call my parents before I answer that question." Answer to most questions from an 18 year old DUI driver. I wonder if one of his parents is a lawyer?
"I'll drive a taxi home." An intoxicated individual's response to the question of how he was planning to get home after he was thrown out of the bar.
"I am 19...21" Response to my question of "how old are you?" This fellow was very drunk and fighting his friends. Now, how old do you think he was? Yep, 19.
"Here is my id. Its not my fake one" Gee, since you mentioned it, can I see your fake one to?"
"Dog, you don't have to arrest me again for this. I learned my lesson the first time I was arrested for this"
First mistake, I told him to address us as "sir or officer", not dog. Second mistake, not really learning the first time.
"You haven't read my memorandum yet and I have been arrested for an hour now. That is a serious felony!"
Memorandum? How about Miranda? I think that is what he has on his mind. Drunks can be funny.
"I am Humidified" This is a secret code meaning, " I am drunk" This is a response I got from a fellow when I asked him if he was ok after watching him try to break into a car.
"My girlfriend drinks." Response to the question, "How much have you drank tonight?"
"Where do I live? I don't know." Another intoxicated person can't remember vital info
"I don't have a 21 drinking ID." Answer to my request to see some identification.
"I don't need to take an breathalyzer test. I took an alcohol and drug screen test two days ago. You can just use that one instead. I'll bring it to court because it is clean." Spoken by yet another DUI suspect after she was arrested.
"I keep both my license and registration here, officer." Spoken by a DUI suspect as he began to remove the bolts that attached his license plate to his vehicle after I asked to see his registration. This fellow later registered a .25 (two and half times the legal limit) on the breathalyzer. He was only nineteen years old.
"I was just stupid." Now that's a good reason to drive the wrong way on the interstate while the police are chasing you. Thank god nobody was seriously hurt in the resulting accident. The driver was charged with DUI, evading arrest, and reckless endangerment.
"No, I didn't, sir." Answer I got when I questioned a car burglar if he was aware our police station was next to a parking garage. Of course, the garage our station is next to is the garage he was burglarizing cars in.
"Why did I run? That's what I do when the police tell me to stop and I haven't done anything wrong, this time."
"Officer, my birthday is March 3, 1992" It is getting bad when you find 8 year olds drinking beer at a bar! Of course, this kids math wasn't up to par. He was really 18 years of age and looked 14. A few moments later, he gave me a false ID to prove he was 22 years old. He ended up in jail after he tried to walk away with the false id. He casually picked it up off the cruiser after signing his citation and put it in his wallet. When I told him he couldn't leave till he got the fake license out of his wallet, he denied having one at all.
"Officer, can you please give me a warning instead of a citation?" This fellow was sitting at a table in a bar with a cup beer on the table. He was honest with me and said he was only 19, but said the beer wasn't his. Since the beer wasn't his or anybody's that he knew, I gave the gave the full cup of un attended beer to the bartender. I then walked out of the bar, waited 45 seconds and returned just in time to see him take the beer of the bar, take a sip, then take it back to his table. After the first break, he asked for yet another warning. Yes, he received a citation, not another warning.
"Officer, I only had one beer, I don't drink."
"I live here on campus, in a dorm, with my parents." I don't think any parents live a dorm with their child.
"My birthday is 06/79/78." Just how many days are there is June? Of course, this person was trying to figure out what her birth date would be if she was 21. I stopped her in a parking lot on campus with an open beer. She was only 19.
"There is nothing wrong with my truck." I was told this by a drunk driver involved in a hit and run. The front end of the truck was demolished and both airbags had deployed. When I first saw this driver, he was driving through campus with front end smashed, the horn blowing, and he was trying to get the airbags out of his way so he could see to drive.
"Could you set my court date in July because I'm leaving town in June?" Gee, wonder if he plans to show up in court?
"Officer, could you follow me through the drive thru while you write my ticket? I don't want to lose my place in line." Priorities. . . The Drive Thru at a fast food restaurant
.
"Officer Dude" Enough Said
"Officer, you can't take me to jail. You don't understand. My probation officer said I could not be arrested again."
I'm thinking those instructions were meant for you, not me.
"I can't believe I have been arrested by a hall monitor." Ahhh, to be back in high school. Said after this student was arrested for the second time within a month for drunk driving.
"How come the police always get so mad at me when I run away from them?" Asked by a auto burglar after he was arrested. The thief jumped off the fourth level of a parking garage in an attempt to get away.
"What is my name? I'm not really sure. . . Why don't I know my own name? It is 3am and I just woke up?"
Spontaneous Amnesia, a common occurrence at night.
"Officer, can I put my beer back in the refrigerator? I don't want it to get warm."
Spoken by another DUI hit and run suspect. We found him hiding in his house a few blocks away. He asked this question when he realized he was going to jail next. I guess it is important to have a cold beer in your fridge for when you get out of jail. An interesting side note. . . the windshield of his car was covered in fliers that were posted on the telephone pole he had hit.
"Why was I running away from you officer? Because I heard that the police are looking for a guy that fits my description."
"Just because I had a few drinks and I am seeing double doesn't mean that I should be locked up with all the other criminals." Spoken by a hit and run DUI driver after she hit a brand new parked car.
"I was going out to my car to go to Wal-Mart and I saw this guy breaking into a car. He also tried to run me over. I'm back from Wal-Mart now and after thinking about it, I decided I should call the police and let them know."
This student actually saw a man inside another car stealing a stereo. He called us about a hour later after returning from shopping. Priorities. The good news was three nights later, we caught the suspect in another garage stealing a stereo. The car he was driving was also stolen from Canada. This student was later quoted by the campus newspaper in an article about how unsafe the parking garages were. The quote was about how he had almost been ran over by a auto burglar. No, the newspaper never printed an article about us arresting the suspect in this case three days later. The article about unsafe garages was printed a week after this incident and arrest.
"Why Did I Run From You? That is just what I do when the police tell me to stop." Hmmm, I guess he has been there, done that before.
"My license plate is not expired. My new registration sticker is at home. I just got it in the mail." Interesting, the state is not issuing renewal registration stickers this year for standard issue plates. The state is issuing NEW PLATES, not renewal stickers. What is really bad was this guy already got a citation for expired plates in October. His plate expired in July, it was November when I stopped him and gave him his second citation.
:rofl::lol2::cwm27:
"I am going to arrest you." This was a drunk guy's answer in response to my question of "Do you know what will happen if I can't find someplace for you to stay?" Sometimes, you just have to laugh.
"No! No! No! That's not how the tests went on an episode of COPS!" Said as the driver jumped up and down after performing poorly on the field sobriety test.
"I didn't mean to drive. I was just parking my car." Wasn't the car parked already before you began to drive it drunk?
"No, I don't have an id. How did I get in the bar? They checked my id at the door!" Drunk and 18 years old when I asked her for her id.
"I don't mean to discooperate with you" Hmm, can't find that word in the dictionary. Can you?
"I'm not driving [pointing at the passenger], she is. She has a driver's license, not me." Not only did the passenger have a valid license, it was her car and she was sober. The driver had been drinking and his license was suspended.
"I was going to the bathroom and a slipped and fell on my driver's license."
I asked this drunk fellow 2 questions, what happened (he had a bleeding face) and do you have a driver's license?
"Why don't I have any identification? My dog ate my wallet." I said identification, not homework!
"I want to call my parents before I answer that question." Answer to most questions from an 18 year old DUI driver. I wonder if one of his parents is a lawyer?
"I'll drive a taxi home." An intoxicated individual's response to the question of how he was planning to get home after he was thrown out of the bar.
"I am 19...21" Response to my question of "how old are you?" This fellow was very drunk and fighting his friends. Now, how old do you think he was? Yep, 19.
"Here is my id. Its not my fake one" Gee, since you mentioned it, can I see your fake one to?"
"Dog, you don't have to arrest me again for this. I learned my lesson the first time I was arrested for this"
First mistake, I told him to address us as "sir or officer", not dog. Second mistake, not really learning the first time.
"You haven't read my memorandum yet and I have been arrested for an hour now. That is a serious felony!"
Memorandum? How about Miranda? I think that is what he has on his mind. Drunks can be funny.
"I am Humidified" This is a secret code meaning, " I am drunk" This is a response I got from a fellow when I asked him if he was ok after watching him try to break into a car.
"My girlfriend drinks." Response to the question, "How much have you drank tonight?"
"Where do I live? I don't know." Another intoxicated person can't remember vital info
"I don't have a 21 drinking ID." Answer to my request to see some identification.
"I don't need to take an breathalyzer test. I took an alcohol and drug screen test two days ago. You can just use that one instead. I'll bring it to court because it is clean." Spoken by yet another DUI suspect after she was arrested.
"I keep both my license and registration here, officer." Spoken by a DUI suspect as he began to remove the bolts that attached his license plate to his vehicle after I asked to see his registration. This fellow later registered a .25 (two and half times the legal limit) on the breathalyzer. He was only nineteen years old.
"I was just stupid." Now that's a good reason to drive the wrong way on the interstate while the police are chasing you. Thank god nobody was seriously hurt in the resulting accident. The driver was charged with DUI, evading arrest, and reckless endangerment.
"No, I didn't, sir." Answer I got when I questioned a car burglar if he was aware our police station was next to a parking garage. Of course, the garage our station is next to is the garage he was burglarizing cars in.
"Why did I run? That's what I do when the police tell me to stop and I haven't done anything wrong, this time."
"Officer, my birthday is March 3, 1992" It is getting bad when you find 8 year olds drinking beer at a bar! Of course, this kids math wasn't up to par. He was really 18 years of age and looked 14. A few moments later, he gave me a false ID to prove he was 22 years old. He ended up in jail after he tried to walk away with the false id. He casually picked it up off the cruiser after signing his citation and put it in his wallet. When I told him he couldn't leave till he got the fake license out of his wallet, he denied having one at all.
"Officer, can you please give me a warning instead of a citation?" This fellow was sitting at a table in a bar with a cup beer on the table. He was honest with me and said he was only 19, but said the beer wasn't his. Since the beer wasn't his or anybody's that he knew, I gave the gave the full cup of un attended beer to the bartender. I then walked out of the bar, waited 45 seconds and returned just in time to see him take the beer of the bar, take a sip, then take it back to his table. After the first break, he asked for yet another warning. Yes, he received a citation, not another warning.
"Officer, I only had one beer, I don't drink."
"I live here on campus, in a dorm, with my parents." I don't think any parents live a dorm with their child.
"My birthday is 06/79/78." Just how many days are there is June? Of course, this person was trying to figure out what her birth date would be if she was 21. I stopped her in a parking lot on campus with an open beer. She was only 19.
"There is nothing wrong with my truck." I was told this by a drunk driver involved in a hit and run. The front end of the truck was demolished and both airbags had deployed. When I first saw this driver, he was driving through campus with front end smashed, the horn blowing, and he was trying to get the airbags out of his way so he could see to drive.
"Could you set my court date in July because I'm leaving town in June?" Gee, wonder if he plans to show up in court?
"Officer, could you follow me through the drive thru while you write my ticket? I don't want to lose my place in line." Priorities. . . The Drive Thru at a fast food restaurant
.
"Officer Dude" Enough Said
"Officer, you can't take me to jail. You don't understand. My probation officer said I could not be arrested again."
I'm thinking those instructions were meant for you, not me.
"I can't believe I have been arrested by a hall monitor." Ahhh, to be back in high school. Said after this student was arrested for the second time within a month for drunk driving.
"How come the police always get so mad at me when I run away from them?" Asked by a auto burglar after he was arrested. The thief jumped off the fourth level of a parking garage in an attempt to get away.
"What is my name? I'm not really sure. . . Why don't I know my own name? It is 3am and I just woke up?"
Spontaneous Amnesia, a common occurrence at night.
"Officer, can I put my beer back in the refrigerator? I don't want it to get warm."
Spoken by another DUI hit and run suspect. We found him hiding in his house a few blocks away. He asked this question when he realized he was going to jail next. I guess it is important to have a cold beer in your fridge for when you get out of jail. An interesting side note. . . the windshield of his car was covered in fliers that were posted on the telephone pole he had hit.
"Why was I running away from you officer? Because I heard that the police are looking for a guy that fits my description."
"Just because I had a few drinks and I am seeing double doesn't mean that I should be locked up with all the other criminals." Spoken by a hit and run DUI driver after she hit a brand new parked car.
"I was going out to my car to go to Wal-Mart and I saw this guy breaking into a car. He also tried to run me over. I'm back from Wal-Mart now and after thinking about it, I decided I should call the police and let them know."
This student actually saw a man inside another car stealing a stereo. He called us about a hour later after returning from shopping. Priorities. The good news was three nights later, we caught the suspect in another garage stealing a stereo. The car he was driving was also stolen from Canada. This student was later quoted by the campus newspaper in an article about how unsafe the parking garages were. The quote was about how he had almost been ran over by a auto burglar. No, the newspaper never printed an article about us arresting the suspect in this case three days later. The article about unsafe garages was printed a week after this incident and arrest.
"Why Did I Run From You? That is just what I do when the police tell me to stop." Hmmm, I guess he has been there, done that before.
"My license plate is not expired. My new registration sticker is at home. I just got it in the mail." Interesting, the state is not issuing renewal registration stickers this year for standard issue plates. The state is issuing NEW PLATES, not renewal stickers. What is really bad was this guy already got a citation for expired plates in October. His plate expired in July, it was November when I stopped him and gave him his second citation.
:rofl::lol2::cwm27:
blindside.AMG
06-18-2004, 11:47 PM
:lol2: Those are pretty good!
Didn't know you were a cop. Hey, how often do you pull people over for having window tint on the front windows? :uhoh:
Didn't know you were a cop. Hey, how often do you pull people over for having window tint on the front windows? :uhoh:
-GS-
06-18-2004, 11:48 PM
heh those arent mine, im only 16.their from site i visitied, sorry for them being in first person heh ;), although i am hoping to become a cop someday.
indyram
06-19-2004, 02:45 AM
That is long, but hilarious.
HogieGT-R
06-19-2004, 03:01 AM
that's some classic stuff if i do say so myself:rofl:
tazdev
06-19-2004, 03:24 AM
"Here is my id. Its not my fake one" Gee, since you mentioned it, can I see your fake one to?"
lol
what a dumbass :uhoh:
lol
what a dumbass :uhoh:
EclipseRST
06-19-2004, 05:14 AM
:repost:
Oz
06-19-2004, 05:18 AM
I Love It! How pissed would you have to be to say that shit? :lol:
Sluttypatton
06-19-2004, 05:30 AM
That was a link off Collegehumor.com, funny stuff.
SniperX13
06-20-2004, 12:28 AM
you should see some of the antics that goes on at the jail I work at when they are brought in drunk. I should start tape recording these people.
Integra06
06-20-2004, 12:37 AM
you should see some of the antics that goes on at the jail I work at when they are brought in drunk. I should start tape recording these people.
Do tell. :biggrin:
Do tell. :biggrin:
Raz_Kaz
06-20-2004, 12:44 AM
/\:lol:
Do It!
Do It!
SniperX13
06-20-2004, 07:19 AM
mainly, alot of them wake up and have no clue where they are, and then they start freaking out. alot have been in the drunk tank, and have pissed themselves. I have had one guy say it was all a plot to get him cause his ex wife was a cop. one guy walked right into the booking area... and then prompty keeled over like a falling tree passed out. sounded like a melon hitting the floor. due to drunks, I have been pissed on, vomited on, and shat on..... gotta love my job, been doing it for over three years.
RSX-S777
06-20-2004, 09:31 AM
one guy walked right into the booking area... and then prompty keeled over like a falling tree passed out. sounded like a melon hitting the floor.
Simply beautiful :biggrin:
Simply beautiful :biggrin:
YogsVR4
06-20-2004, 10:35 AM
:rofl:
thanks for the laugh!
thanks for the laugh!
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