microsoft car
LjasonL
01-18-2002, 11:15 PM
i thought this was funny...
If Microsoft Built Cars
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.
7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be supurb.
10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.
14. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.
16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!
17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!
18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.
19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.
20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.
If Microsoft Built Cars
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.
7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be supurb.
10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.
14. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.
16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!
17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!
18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.
19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.
20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.
Sanchi
01-18-2002, 11:28 PM
:eek: :spit: :cwn27: HAHAAHA thats the funnies thing ive read today.
OHH OHH u can't forget about CAR XP!!.. u'll have to call them every year so u can drive it, and if u upgrade u have to call them so u can drive it also:alien:
But u shouldnt make fun of MICROSOFT .... BILL GATE's is god and he is watching U!!!!!:silly2: :silly2::D
OHH OHH u can't forget about CAR XP!!.. u'll have to call them every year so u can drive it, and if u upgrade u have to call them so u can drive it also:alien:
But u shouldnt make fun of MICROSOFT .... BILL GATE's is god and he is watching U!!!!!:silly2: :silly2::D
taranaki
01-19-2002, 12:35 AM
That one just refuses to die.....
Went out to the site wher Ioriginally found it....
:p :p :p
Etch-A-Sketch rescues us from the Y2K problem. (thanks Lynne)
Management has determined that there is no longer any need for network or software applications support. (See below) The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for re booting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Classic calls to computer tech support help lines....
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
********************************
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
*******************************************
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
*******************************************
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
*******************************************
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
*******************************************
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
*******************************************
Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
*******************************************
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
*******************************************
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows--because of the icons. I'm Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to. . . ."
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet. . . . Is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [Click]
*******************************************
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash, . . . it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [Pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
Went out to the site wher Ioriginally found it....
:p :p :p
Etch-A-Sketch rescues us from the Y2K problem. (thanks Lynne)
Management has determined that there is no longer any need for network or software applications support. (See below) The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for re booting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Classic calls to computer tech support help lines....
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
********************************
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
*******************************************
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
*******************************************
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
*******************************************
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
*******************************************
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
*******************************************
Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
*******************************************
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
*******************************************
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows--because of the icons. I'm Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to. . . ."
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet. . . . Is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [Click]
*******************************************
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash, . . . it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [Pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
Heep
01-19-2002, 12:43 AM
Originally posted by taranaki
Etch-A-Sketch rescues us from the Y2K problem. (thanks Lynne)
Management has determined that there is no longer any need for network or software applications support. (See below) The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for re booting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
*******************************************
LOL :lol2::lol2:
Etch-A-Sketch rescues us from the Y2K problem. (thanks Lynne)
Management has determined that there is no longer any need for network or software applications support. (See below) The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for re booting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
*******************************************
LOL :lol2::lol2:
LjasonL
01-19-2002, 01:01 AM
haha those are funny
taranaki
01-19-2002, 01:04 AM
Originally posted by taranaki
...............by December 31, 1999.
AND OLD.:p :p :p :p :p
...............by December 31, 1999.
AND OLD.:p :p :p :p :p
LjasonL
01-19-2002, 01:12 AM
NEW TO ME!!! :bathroom:
MBTN
01-19-2002, 01:13 AM
This forum must be like 3 years behind in humor, I swear...:rolleyes:
taranaki
01-19-2002, 01:26 AM
Originally posted by MBTN
This forum must be like 3 years behind in humor, I swear...:rolleyes:
Quityerbitchin and bring on some new stuff then!!!!!!!!
This forum must be like 3 years behind in humor, I swear...:rolleyes:
Quityerbitchin and bring on some new stuff then!!!!!!!!
MBTN
01-19-2002, 11:00 AM
You mean old stuff? Obviously, you guys haven't heard the old 3+ year old jokes. Maybe I can find some on my 5-1/4" floppy drives...:rolleyes:
Heep
01-19-2002, 11:40 AM
Originally posted by MBTN
You mean old stuff? Obviously, you guys haven't heard the old 3+ year old jokes. Maybe I can find some on my 5-1/4" floppy drives...:rolleyes:
I'd heard the first 10 of the MS Car, but not the other 10. I'd also heard some of taranaki's, but the rest were new to me....
You mean old stuff? Obviously, you guys haven't heard the old 3+ year old jokes. Maybe I can find some on my 5-1/4" floppy drives...:rolleyes:
I'd heard the first 10 of the MS Car, but not the other 10. I'd also heard some of taranaki's, but the rest were new to me....
CamaroGirl86
01-19-2002, 02:02 PM
All new to me :)
speediva
01-19-2002, 03:44 PM
Oldies but goodies, and some newbies too! :D
kris
01-19-2002, 06:19 PM
taranaki
01-19-2002, 07:43 PM
Originally posted by kbslacker
http://www.automotiveforums.com/kris/kris/+junk/stop_repost.jpg
GO AHEAD PUNK...MAKE MY DAY!!!!!!!!:finger: :finger: :finger:
http://www.automotiveforums.com/kris/kris/+junk/stop_repost.jpg
GO AHEAD PUNK...MAKE MY DAY!!!!!!!!:finger: :finger: :finger:
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