Things I Know Because of TV...

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover
in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up
to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man
lying beside her.

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of
French bread.

5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.

6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while
scuba diving.

7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect
hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in
there and you can travel l to any other part of the building
without difficulty.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer,
it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German
accent will do.

9. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any
building in Paris.

10. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his
wounds.

11. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you
take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over.
It will always be the exact fare.

12. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm
to grow by 15cm.

13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary
to visit a strip club at least once.

14. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their
family every morning, even though the husband and children
never have time to eat them.

15. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into
flames.

16. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the
size of a football stadium.

17. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
18. All single women have a cat.

19. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

20. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing
them all than 20 men firing at one.

21. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be
closely investigated.

22. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings -
especially if any of their family or friends has died in a
strange boating accident.

23. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait
patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a
threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessor.

24. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing
the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand
behind them and talk to their back.

25. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in
your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

26. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

27. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

28. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to
kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving
fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating
sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

29. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget
their son's eighth birthday.

30. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments
and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

31. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to
go off.

32. It is always possible to park directly outside the
building you are visiting.

33. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

34. A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.

35. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
you bump into will know all the steps.

haha good stuff

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.



Now isn't that very true.

23. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait
patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a
threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessor.

:lol::lol2: HA HA HA aint that the truth

:repost:

An old one too...Tonio, I'm disappointed...

Still funny though!

15. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into
flames.

I've always noticed and have had a problem with this one :rofl: :grinno:

:repost:

An old one too...Tonio, I'm disappointed...

Still funny though!
I know; I posted it before but I've seen so many bad movies lately that I couldn't help myself!! :p :lol:

13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary
to visit a strip club at least once.




Ahhh, the Z3 Method.

Funny as hell, but true.

:lol2:

Those are great :rofl:

#23!!

:evillol:

:lol2:

:lol:

loved them

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.


Well,I guess that means we are safe if our house ever gets haunted.Most of my wife's underwear would send the average ghost running screaming from the building. :22yikes:

^^:spit::lol::lol:

You can do anything in five minutes or less in the form of a montage.

when alone, one must always speak out loud as if there were sombody else in the room

:rofl:


btw- In my experiences, most single women actually do possess a cat of some kind :eek:


PPS: 7500 post= 3/4 of the way to 10,000. Not that I give a shit, but it's a nice little pointless observation.

The bad guys are amazing shots.They can fire off hundreds of rounds in your direction and miss you completely.In the unlikely evern that you are hit,you may bleed profusely,but and lose some muscle control,but if you grimace a lot,you will still be able to complete your mission without carking it.

lol, those are great. i needed a laugh today. :-)

damn L-shaped bed sheets :lol: