Second childhood.............

Are you prepared to hand over responsibility for your life to your children when you get older?And conversely....could you make the right choices for an elderly relative once they are no longer capable of independant living...?

My wife's father is 74.He has lived alone for 20 years.Every day it gets harder for him to live a normal life.Walking sticks,heart medication and picking up small objects are all extra challenging to him.We ,his extended family want to help,but are divided as to the best plan to keep his independance and his dignity while preserving our own sanity.Would anybody who has experience in these matters like to share their thoughts?

Sure Mr. Taranaki. My grandmother....70 years young...has Alheizemers. Im sure your familiar with this, but for those that do not know, its the deterioration (spelling) of your brain...for a lack of time and space, thats put simply. Anyway...shes had it for about 5 to 6 years now and its getting very very bad. My parents are doing the best they can to take care of her. she has pretty much put her life, into our hands...the problem is, old people are stubborn, they're not used to listening to a "young wipper-snapper" about how they forgot to take they're pills....suggest your father in law to move in with you and slowly let his life fall into the grasp of your world. This is not an easy thing to do, but what other choice do you have? sit down with him and explain to him that you need to help him out, otherwise, far greater problems could occur and persist. first, i suggest the talk. see what he would like, what you would like, then compermise. i hope this helps at least somewhat, if not, ask what you will...ill do my best to help you out.

Thanks for your kind reply SickLude,truth is,the old fella is a tough old bastard and not yet ready to surrender his lifestyle...for that ,I admire him.He could have a nice space of his own at our place,no cooking,no laundry,no shopping,etc,but he still chooses to live alone.For all that,he lives like a hillbilly...no tv,no washing machine,no microwave....his house has not seen a paintbrush round the inside for at least 20 years and every time we offer to come and patch it up,his answer is"why?".He has a strange notion that because his house is on commercial -zoned land,that it is worth a bundle,and any time we suggest he sells up and moves in,he gets very suspicious and possessive.Truth is,his house is practically falling down,and commercial land in Town is worth less than residential at the moment.I don't want to force my values on him unless failing to do so would put his life at risk,because he seems genuinely happy where he is.At his age,though a relatively small accident could incapacitate him very quickly and I'd rather have it all figured out before the worst happens.

Really would appreciate any input you guys can put in,not just for this specific case,but perhaps from your own points of view on how you would like to be treated!

have you looked into seeing if you have a "senior community" development? it's not a rest home. My dad's painting business does all the painting for the one where we live. They are basically a studio or a one bedroom apartment (other places may have more rooms).. the whole community is elderly people and they have organized events and stuff like that. They are totally independent, but if they need help, they can get it quite easily. I all the neighbor's kinda look out for each other.. it's just something I wanted to throw out there..

Originally posted by marc49
have you looked into seeing if you have a "senior community" development? it's not a rest home. My dad's painting business does all the painting for the one where we live. They are basically a studio or a one bedroom apartment (other places may have more rooms).. the whole community is elderly people and they have organized events and stuff like that. They are totally independent, but if they need help, they can get it quite easily. I all the neighbor's kinda look out for each other.. it's just something I wanted to throw out there..

Marc beat me to it :) My grandmother lived with us for about 2 years before she moved into an "independent living facility". It was hard for us because she comes from the stubborn old school Italian ways. (Those movies about the bossy Italian mother-in-laws are NOT exaggerating). She would not respect our space or our gentle requests to do or not do certain things however she had no problem making her demands known. If you and your father in-law have a good relationship and if he is willing to move in, it may be a good thing. If there is tensions between you, trust me it will be 10x worse living under the same roof.

Originally posted by KatWoman


If you and your father in-law have a good relationship and if he is willing to move in, it may be a good thing. If there is tensions between you, trust me it will be 10x worse living under the same roof.


And with those two short sentences,Kat rips the lid cleanly off of a jumbo super economy size can of worms.............