offensive jokes

Yes, the title says it all. If you get offended, it is your fault and not mine.

32 Offensive Jokes

1.Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded

2. Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia

3. Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her

4. Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time?
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

5. Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

6. Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

7. Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea

8. Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

9. Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

10. Q. Why do gays like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.

11. Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

12. Q. What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.

13. Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.

14. Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.

15. Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

16. Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

17. Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.

18. Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

19. Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

20. Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

21. Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

22. Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.

23. Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

24. Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
A. You push it to the side before you start eating.

25. Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.

26. Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the
same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

27. Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

28. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

29. Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is
bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

30. Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a dick, it's not time.

31. Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

32. Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it

Q what do Micheal Jackson and a shopping bag have in common?

A they're both made of plastic and should be kept away from small children.

:lol2::lol2::lol2:

Nice!!!!! :lol:

Truelly offensive - and funny :lol:

Q: what's good on pizza, but not on pussy?
A: crust

ugh... not really as offensive as it gross.

Q:What's long and green and smells like pork?


A:Kermit the Frog's finger.

8. Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

BWAHAHAHA! :devil:

holy shit i never laughed so hard, showed all my friends and they laughed really hard also

30. Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a dick, it's not time.

:rofl:

I'm using this one at the next party/social event. :iceslolan

^ watch the girls cut your dick off then, then they will make you wash the dishes.

:iagree:

:lol::lol::lol:

Jokes like that are great for the chicks that won't just fuck off, just keep those memorized and rattle them off when they won't shut the fuck up. I remember some chick in High School was being a total bitch to me so I said, "How do you turn a lawnmower into a dishwasher?" Give her a sponge and tell her to get back in the kitchen.

Q: what's good on pizza, but not on pussy?
A: crust
lol:lol2:.. they can be crusty?:uhoh:

Q what's the worst part about sex first thing in the morning?

A well, have you ever tried to pry open a grilled cheese sandwhich?


:lol: :eek7:

LOL!!! I haven't LMAO like thit for a while!! :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: