horrible jokes
D[X]P
03-20-2004, 01:28 AM
Well, here is my second attempt to take away tonios "worst joke poster" award
these jokes arent mine but they are
still funny :smooch:
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what happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair? -- you rock to the beat.
how do you mend a broken jack o lantern? -- with a pumpkin patch.
what do you call a lease of false teeth? -- a dental rental
Where did the kittens go on the class trip -- to the meow-seum.
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? -- a watchdog
What did the art dealer say when a mann asked what a picture was supposed to be? -- a reflection of you.
what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? -- shore
What falls down but never gets hurt -- snow
What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee's hair? -- a honey comb
How do you get a peanut to laugh? -- you crack it up
Who greets you at a haunted house? -- a host ghost
Why did the farmer bury all his money? -- to make his soil rich
Where can you find an ocean without water? -- on a map
What do you call a horse that likes arts & crafts? -- a hobby horse
Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles
What do you call an avid gardener? -- herb
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? -- a poul-tree
What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion? -- a grape nobody picks on
What did the tree say to the mountain? -- stop peaking at me
What are sailors' favorite fruits? -- naval oranges
Where does a penguin keep his money? -- in a snow bank
What did the boy chip say to the girl chip (crisp for the brits)? -- Lets dance and I'll dip you
Why do bees have sticky hair -- they use honeycombs
Why did the reporter go into the icecream shop? -- he wanted to get the
scoop
Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk? -- she broke her angle
What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? -- a chipmonk
What kind of trees sew? -- pine trees, they always have needles around
What did the plate say to the other plate? -- lunch is on me.
What did the man say whin the picture fell on his head? -- I've been framed
did you hear about the mummies who went to the theater? -- They gave the actors stage fright
How do you turn soup into gold? -- add 24 carrots (karats)
What do sneezes wear on their feet? -- ahh-shoes
What do wolves say when they are introduced? -- howl do you do.
What does a car run on? -- wheels
What did the sink say to the water faucet? -- you're a real drip
where do pigs park ther cars? -- in a porking lot
Why did the banana leave the cinema-the film didn't appeal to him
Why did the little cookie (biscut) cry? -- because his mother was a wafer so long
What do you call a hot dog in a bun? -- an in betweenie weenie
Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink -- He found a leek there
How do you make a witch itch? -- take away her W
What do you call two guys fighting over a prostitute? -- tug of whore
*ok, so that was mine. Just threw it in to see if you were paying attention*
What do you call a crab who plays baseball -- a pinch-hitter
What is the clumsiest bee? -- a bumbling bee
What kind of bean can't grow? -- a jelly bean
Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars -- a martian mellow
how does a man on the moon get his hair cut? -- eclipse it
What do you do when you have no rubber bands? -- find a plastic orchestra
-- -- -- -- and some old favorites -- -- -- -- -- -
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? -- time to get a new fence
What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? -- a frog in a blender
What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? -- a dead school bus
Why did the man throw his margarine? -- he wanted to see the butter fly
What did the finger say to the thumb? -- I'm in glove with you (heather's favorite)
whats brown and sticky? -- a stick
whats red and not there -- no tomatoes
Whats white and flies through the sky? -- the coming of the lord
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin? -- a very cross penguin
10. How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
9. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam".
8. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
7. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
6. What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
5. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
4. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
3. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
2. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
1. Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
these jokes arent mine but they are
still funny :smooch:
------------------------
what happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair? -- you rock to the beat.
how do you mend a broken jack o lantern? -- with a pumpkin patch.
what do you call a lease of false teeth? -- a dental rental
Where did the kittens go on the class trip -- to the meow-seum.
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? -- a watchdog
What did the art dealer say when a mann asked what a picture was supposed to be? -- a reflection of you.
what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? -- shore
What falls down but never gets hurt -- snow
What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee's hair? -- a honey comb
How do you get a peanut to laugh? -- you crack it up
Who greets you at a haunted house? -- a host ghost
Why did the farmer bury all his money? -- to make his soil rich
Where can you find an ocean without water? -- on a map
What do you call a horse that likes arts & crafts? -- a hobby horse
Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles
What do you call an avid gardener? -- herb
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? -- a poul-tree
What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion? -- a grape nobody picks on
What did the tree say to the mountain? -- stop peaking at me
What are sailors' favorite fruits? -- naval oranges
Where does a penguin keep his money? -- in a snow bank
What did the boy chip say to the girl chip (crisp for the brits)? -- Lets dance and I'll dip you
Why do bees have sticky hair -- they use honeycombs
Why did the reporter go into the icecream shop? -- he wanted to get the
scoop
Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk? -- she broke her angle
What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? -- a chipmonk
What kind of trees sew? -- pine trees, they always have needles around
What did the plate say to the other plate? -- lunch is on me.
What did the man say whin the picture fell on his head? -- I've been framed
did you hear about the mummies who went to the theater? -- They gave the actors stage fright
How do you turn soup into gold? -- add 24 carrots (karats)
What do sneezes wear on their feet? -- ahh-shoes
What do wolves say when they are introduced? -- howl do you do.
What does a car run on? -- wheels
What did the sink say to the water faucet? -- you're a real drip
where do pigs park ther cars? -- in a porking lot
Why did the banana leave the cinema-the film didn't appeal to him
Why did the little cookie (biscut) cry? -- because his mother was a wafer so long
What do you call a hot dog in a bun? -- an in betweenie weenie
Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink -- He found a leek there
How do you make a witch itch? -- take away her W
What do you call two guys fighting over a prostitute? -- tug of whore
*ok, so that was mine. Just threw it in to see if you were paying attention*
What do you call a crab who plays baseball -- a pinch-hitter
What is the clumsiest bee? -- a bumbling bee
What kind of bean can't grow? -- a jelly bean
Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars -- a martian mellow
how does a man on the moon get his hair cut? -- eclipse it
What do you do when you have no rubber bands? -- find a plastic orchestra
-- -- -- -- and some old favorites -- -- -- -- -- -
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? -- time to get a new fence
What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? -- a frog in a blender
What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? -- a dead school bus
Why did the man throw his margarine? -- he wanted to see the butter fly
What did the finger say to the thumb? -- I'm in glove with you (heather's favorite)
whats brown and sticky? -- a stick
whats red and not there -- no tomatoes
Whats white and flies through the sky? -- the coming of the lord
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin? -- a very cross penguin
10. How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
9. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam".
8. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
7. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
6. What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
5. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
4. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
3. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
2. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
1. Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
ac427cpe
03-20-2004, 12:35 PM
well, you win for worst jokes.... mainly because the majority of Tonio's are funny ;)
some of those were funny...
some of those were funny...
Damien
03-20-2004, 12:38 PM
You just tryin' to cancel his out with numbers??? :p
Definitely a lot of :grinnos:
Definitely a lot of :grinnos:
kittedb18bt
03-20-2004, 12:39 PM
must read title
D[X]P
03-20-2004, 01:03 PM
Well whoever liked them :smooch:
ShortyDTP
03-20-2004, 02:47 PM
I forgive You!! .j/k they where pretty good !!
I think this was funny.: "What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? -- a frog in a blender":)
I think this was funny.: "What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? -- a frog in a blender":)
D[X]P
03-20-2004, 06:06 PM
I think that one is the best one there :)
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