Would you pass your P's the second time round?
Oz
01-07-2002, 06:14 AM
This is an ozriceboy original - NOT A FORWARD.
P Plate Theory Examination
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1. Should you greet your examiner with
a. Good Morning
b. Faint murmur while looking pasty
c. Mind if I turn up the base, Lebo?
2. When he asks you to perform a three point turn, is he referring to
a. Beating that Volvo wagon across double unbroken lines to the roundabout before applying the handbrake
b. Turning the car around in 5 or less maneuvers, unless of course you are Asian, in which case less than 28 maneuvers
c. Turning the wheel all the way in the direction of the opposing gutter then applying handbrake and acelerator simultaneously.
3. When he asks you if you have any questions, should you ask
a. Is it still speeding if I keep it in first?
b. Hold on tight, strucutural damage causes your door to occasianaly fly open.
c. Please don't open the glovebox under any circumstances. If you hear groaning just hit the top.
4. When he requests a reverse park, which is the correct procedure?
a. Steer right, steer left, stop the car and pray your examiner and the guy behind you don't notice that you've removed a headlight.
b. Smoke 'em up in reverse and let the road camber sort it out.
c. Close your eyes, spin the wheel, pray for a good result.
5. Which is the correct procedure for a hill start?
a. Redline and sidestep the clutch while distracting your examiner with hilarious hand puppets.
b. Roll back onto the car behind and let it push you up the hill.
c. Ask the examiner to help you out and push.
6. Where should your wheels be for a correct kerbside park?
a. In the pool
b. On the neighbours cat
c. On your examining officers face
7. Upon brake failure, what should you use to chock your wheels?
a. Take-away food trays
b. Strategically placed bed of nails
c. Porsche
8. What is the correct procedure for indicating at roundabouts?
a. Before the roundabout with your high beams
b. Whilst mounting the roundabout with your hazards
c. After the roundabout using your horn and middle finger
9. If a P Plater in a Mummy's credit card funded souped up Hyundai Excel pulls up next to you at a set of lights and revs his fart-pipe, what should you do?
a. Rev back, wait for the light to go green and side-swipe him
b. Get out and hit his car multiple times with a baseball bat
c. Steal his car and take it paddock bashing
10. Please select the correct procedure for merging/changing lanes
a. Stop at the end of the on-ramp and wait for a 4Km gap in traffic before flooring it up to 110Km/h, while ignoring horns behind you.
b. Swerve into the right hand lane whilst waving to those behind you then drive at 50Km/h with your choice of indicators still on
c. Go down the off ramp and drive straight to the centre lane yelling "Your all going the wrong way!" while honking and flashing high beams.
Correct Answers
---
1.B
2.A
3.B
4.A
5.C
6.C
7.C
8.A
9.A
10.A
P Plate Theory Examination
---
1. Should you greet your examiner with
a. Good Morning
b. Faint murmur while looking pasty
c. Mind if I turn up the base, Lebo?
2. When he asks you to perform a three point turn, is he referring to
a. Beating that Volvo wagon across double unbroken lines to the roundabout before applying the handbrake
b. Turning the car around in 5 or less maneuvers, unless of course you are Asian, in which case less than 28 maneuvers
c. Turning the wheel all the way in the direction of the opposing gutter then applying handbrake and acelerator simultaneously.
3. When he asks you if you have any questions, should you ask
a. Is it still speeding if I keep it in first?
b. Hold on tight, strucutural damage causes your door to occasianaly fly open.
c. Please don't open the glovebox under any circumstances. If you hear groaning just hit the top.
4. When he requests a reverse park, which is the correct procedure?
a. Steer right, steer left, stop the car and pray your examiner and the guy behind you don't notice that you've removed a headlight.
b. Smoke 'em up in reverse and let the road camber sort it out.
c. Close your eyes, spin the wheel, pray for a good result.
5. Which is the correct procedure for a hill start?
a. Redline and sidestep the clutch while distracting your examiner with hilarious hand puppets.
b. Roll back onto the car behind and let it push you up the hill.
c. Ask the examiner to help you out and push.
6. Where should your wheels be for a correct kerbside park?
a. In the pool
b. On the neighbours cat
c. On your examining officers face
7. Upon brake failure, what should you use to chock your wheels?
a. Take-away food trays
b. Strategically placed bed of nails
c. Porsche
8. What is the correct procedure for indicating at roundabouts?
a. Before the roundabout with your high beams
b. Whilst mounting the roundabout with your hazards
c. After the roundabout using your horn and middle finger
9. If a P Plater in a Mummy's credit card funded souped up Hyundai Excel pulls up next to you at a set of lights and revs his fart-pipe, what should you do?
a. Rev back, wait for the light to go green and side-swipe him
b. Get out and hit his car multiple times with a baseball bat
c. Steal his car and take it paddock bashing
10. Please select the correct procedure for merging/changing lanes
a. Stop at the end of the on-ramp and wait for a 4Km gap in traffic before flooring it up to 110Km/h, while ignoring horns behind you.
b. Swerve into the right hand lane whilst waving to those behind you then drive at 50Km/h with your choice of indicators still on
c. Go down the off ramp and drive straight to the centre lane yelling "Your all going the wrong way!" while honking and flashing high beams.
Correct Answers
---
1.B
2.A
3.B
4.A
5.C
6.C
7.C
8.A
9.A
10.A
Buzzr
01-07-2002, 07:27 AM
LOL!!!!
Setanta
01-07-2002, 07:31 AM
heheh - good one :)
OT: I know I would fail my Ps - I got them 16 years ago :D
F'k - now I do feel old :p
OT: I know I would fail my Ps - I got them 16 years ago :D
F'k - now I do feel old :p
Oz
01-08-2002, 10:11 PM
hehe. And so it goes on...
jOYRiDe
01-09-2002, 11:27 PM
damn...i failed...
Oz
01-10-2002, 11:26 PM
Don't worry. My personal favourite is the 'chocking the wheels with - Porsche' one.
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