Profane dictionary.(Warning: MATURE CONTENT!)

Aeroplane Blonde [n] One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

Anal Boot [n] An anal boot is when you take a jug of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.

Angry Dragon [n] Immediately after you blow your load in a girl’s mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she’ll look like an angry dragon.

Armbreaker [n] A particularly energetic wank.

Arse Spider [n] Tenacious well knotted winnit that cannot be removed without bringing 8 spindly hairs with it.

Audition the Finger Puppets [v] A single-act, one-man show not suitable for children.

Aussie Kiss [n] Similar to a French kiss, but given down under.

Australian Death Grip [n] The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.

Autograph the Gusset [v] To allow the turtle’s head to sign the inside of your underpants.

Bacon Strips [n] External female genitalia.

Badly Packed Kebab [n] a vulgar (but still excellent) term for the 'vagina'

Beef Box [n] A container into which sausages are put.

Beef Curtain [n] The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam (aka Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, Piss Flappers, Quim Nuts, Vertical Bacon Sandwich).

Beer Coat [n] The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

Beer Compass [n] The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a Booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you got there, and where you've come from (aka Beer Scooter).

Beer Goggles [n] Vision impairment caused by the excessive consumption of beer which deceives the wearer into thinking a chick is better looking than she really is. “You must be wearing beer goggles mate, she’s fugly!”

Beeriod [n] Weekly malady suffered by men after a night on the pop. Symptoms include headache, moodiness and a bloated stomach. "Leave me alone, woman, my beeriod started this morning."

Beer Monkey [n] A mythical simian creature which, during a drunken slumber, sneaks into your bed, ruffles your hair, steals your money and shits in your mouth.

Beer Mugger [n] The man you discover has hit you over the head and taken $50 out of your wallet the morning after you "nip out for a couple of pints".

Beer Scooter [n] the ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it - ie. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".

Benny Hill [n] Rhyming slang, female contraceptive. “Did ya use a dinger?” “Not a problem, she was on the Benny”.

Bilge Tanks [n] "Double gut“ effect caused by too tight a belt.

The Blind Dirt Snake [n] A malodorous, legless lizard inhabiting cak canyon which migrates south every morning.

Blocking the Box [v] When you and your pal are double-teaming a chick he's got her from behind, you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later (aka Access Denied Error, Road Closed Due to Bad Conditions).

BOBFOC [n] Acronym, Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

Bongo Mag [n] Rhythm literature, spangle book.

Breaking the Seal [v] Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

Britney Spears [n] Modern Rhyming Slang for 'beers'- eg. "Give us a couple of Britneys will ya Doreen".

Bruce Lee's [n] erect nipples (as in a pair of hard 'nips').

Budgie’s Tongue [n] Descriptive, the female erective bit!!

Bugner’s Eye [n] Flapless female genitalia, resembling Joe Bugner's closed-up eye in any fight he's ever had.

Bum Goblin [n] A gnarled malevolent turd that jumps out behind you casting a painful spell on your ringpiece!

Bum Gravy [n] This one speaks for itself! You may get this after a dodgy curry.

Bunny Boiler [n] an unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in the film "Fatal Attraction" - eg. "I don't like the look of her mate, could be a bunny boiler".

Butterface [n] A woman with a great figure, but the face of a darts players' wife. From the phrase "A good body, but her face...".

BVH [n] Acronym, "Blue Veined Hooligan". A six-inch tall, one-eyed skinhead.

Change at Baker Street [v] During intercourse, to decide to play the b-side. From the only station on the London Underground where it is possible to change from the Pink Line (Hammersmith & City) to the Brown Line (Bakerloo).

Chocolate Cha-Cha [n] Anal Sex. Used in a sentence: "John and George danced the chocolate cha-cha all night." (aka Driving the Hershey Highway, Riding the Dirt Trail, Utilising the Third Input, Poking the Brown Eye)

Chocolate Starfish [n] The arse. “I asked for a bit of Chocolate Starfish action but she said she didn’t take it up the Council.”

Cider Visor [n] Beer goggles for the younger drinker.

Clapping Fish [n] Female genitalia.

Cleveland Steamer [n] The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from tit fucking. (aka Hawaiian Muscle Fuck, Pasadena Mudslide)

Cliterature [n] One handed reading material.

Clown’s Pie [n] A very, very wet fanny. "Finding ourselves alone in the shooting lodge at Balmoral, Her Majesty bade me descend to her ladygarden. After 50 years of widowhood, I found her to be considerably aroused. It was like being hit in the face with a clown's pie".
(From "The memoirs of Queen Victoria's Ghyllie" by John Brown)

Cock Lodger [n] A bloke who lives in his bird's house without paying rent.

Cockoholic [n] One who is addicted to cockahol.

Cones are out [euph] ie. Only one lane in use. Ragweek.

Conkers Deep To be in a state of deep penetration.

Consolation Prize [n] When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking you're going to get laid, and from all of the drinks you've been feeding her all night long, she passes out on the bed right before you get your pants off. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her back. Even though you lost and didn't get laid, the satisfaction you got is almost as good, hence the term consolation prize.

Cough Your Filthy Yoghurt [v] Romantic expression for ejaculation.

Council Gritter [n] Modern Rhyming Slang for 'shitter' - eg. "Does she take it up the council?".

Crunchie [n] A sock worn the morning after being used as a wank-mop.

Cum Dumpster [n] Refers to a girl who has been around the block quite a few times, hence she is full of cum.

Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch [n] The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl’s throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favourite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.

Dangermouse [n] A tampon.

DDF [n] Distance Distortion Factor - refers to someone who may seem attractive from far away but is ugly upon closer inspection - "good from far, far from good". Used in a sentence: "Woah, she's hot... wait a sec...ugggh major DDF!"

Dirty Sanchez [n] While fucking a girl doggy style, insert a finger in her ass and get it all shitty. Then, reach around to her face and give her a shit moustache, a "shitstache" if you will.

Dirty Schultz [n] Same as Dirty Sanchez, except you give yourself the "shitstache".

Disco Fanny [n] The full strength flavour achieved after 6 hours on a dance floor in PVC trousers.

Ditch Pig [n] Affectionate term for an ugly fat girl.

Dizzy Gillespie [v] A formidable blast from the spunk trumpet where the ladies cheeks puff out like a bullfrog's.

Docker’s Tea Break [n] Descriptive of something very long. "Oh, what a tiny little man", laughed Veruca Salt as she saw the Oompah Loompah. "He may be small", cautioned Mr. Wonka as he turned briskly on his heel, "but he'll have a cock as long as a docker's tea break."
(From 'Charlie and the chocolate sandwich', by Roald Dahl.)

Donald Trump [n] Modern Rhyming Slang for 'dump' (defecate) - eg. "I'm just nipping out for a Donald".

Donkey Punch [v] Whilst banging a girl doggy style and moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her arse, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female’s arse, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.

Double Basing [v] To have sex from behind while fiddling with the ladies left nipple with one hand and her budgies tongue with the other, a position similar to the one adopted for playing the double bass, though the sound is slightly different.

Drink-Link [n] a modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze!

Drop Fudge [v] Pinch a loaf, crimp one off, have a shit!

Drown Some Kittens [v] To drown a litter of small stools.

Eating Sushi Off A Barber Shop Floor [v] Cunnilingus.

Fanny Wank [v] To use an ugly bird's fanny to save wear and tear on your hand.

Feeding the Chickens [v] The 5 fingered knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump.

Feeding the Pony [v] One handed feeding of a lady's toothless gibbon.

Five Pinter [n] A very ugly woman you would only chat-up after five pints.

Fizzy Gravy [n] Rusty water, diarrhoea.

FLAME Acronym, Fanny Like A Mouse’s Ear.

Flaming Amazon [v] This one’s for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you’re screwing some chick, right when you’re about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!

Flogging On [v] Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

The Flying Camel A personal favourite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.

Free the Tadpoles [v] To liberate the residents of one’s wank tanks.

Fuckshitfuckshitsuckshit The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Fugly [adj] Fucking Ugly. Used in a sentence: "Damn that bitch was fugly!"

Fumilingus [v, n] When a man (or woman) performs cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in his face.

Funbagtastic [adj] Exclamation, may be uttered when seeing a large pair of breasts.

Full English Breakfast [n] A very untidy vagina that is frankly too much to face first thing in the morning.

Furry Monkey [n] slang term for vagina.

Game of Smiles [n] This game involves men sitting around a circular table and a woman giving random blow jobs underneath the table. Anyone who smiles has to buy a round of beer for the rest.

Going for a McShit [v] Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member (see Johnny-no-stars, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit with Lies.

Going to the Bullpen [v] The act of fingering the anus prior to having anal sex. It kind of "paves the way".

Granny's Oysters [n] Elderly female genitalia.

Greyhound [n] a very short skirt. From the fact that a greyhound (on a racetrack) is close to the hare (hair) - ie. "Blimey look at the greyhound on that bird!"

Hairy Scallops [n] Furry shellfish to be eaten when bearded clams are out of season.

Half Mongrel [n] a partial erection. When there is movement at the station.

Hand-To-Gland Combat [v] Vigorous three minute bout of gladiatorial combat involving a Spam javelin.

Ick Dick [n] A common condition men experience after a long night of plowing some chick who has a nasty box - usually the town barfly. The undeniable stink and film on your johnson is called "Ick Dick".

Jackson Pollock(s) [n] Modern Rhyming Slang for 'bollocks' (testicles) - eg. "He needs a good kick in the Jackson's".

Jizziotherapy [n] A three-minute one-handed massage that relieves stiffness for up to half an hour.

Johnny-no-stars [n] a young man of substandard intelligence, ie. the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' bit comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear which show their level of training.

Leave-in Conditioner [n] Dollops of semen strategically left in a woman's hairdo at a public gathering following fellatio. A good lesson for those who refuse to swallow the evidence

Lord of the Pies [n] Salad dodger, barge arse.

Matching Drapes [n] Reference to whether or not a woman's pubic hair colour matches the hair on her head. Used in a sentence: "Wow what a hot looking redhead, but I wonder do the curtains match the drapes?"

Mexican Lipstick [n] Embarrassing facial tide mark found after eating out.

Millennium Domes [n] The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.

Monkey Bath [n] A bath so hot when lowering yourself in you go Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!.

Mumblers [n] used when you spot an attractive girl in tight shorts or similar clothes - ie. you can see the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.

Mumrar [v] The act of creeping up on your mother and shouting “Rar!”

Mystery Bus [n] The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

Mystery Taxi [n] The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

NORWICH Acronym, Knickers Off Ready When I Come Home

One in the Departure Lounge To need to defecate immediately.

Opera House [n] A large vagina, with heavy pink safety curtains.

Pat Cash [n] Modern Rhyming Slang for 'slash' (to urinate).

Paying the Rent [n] A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs her ferociously.

Pisshead’s Labourer [n] A barman.

Pencil Sharpener [n] A chick who gives a rough and toothy blowjob that scrapes your willy up something awful.

Picasso Arse [n] A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

Pie-Liner [n] A Femidom.

PIK [n] Acronym, Pig In Knickers.

POLO Acronym "Panties off, legs open!"

Pumpers Lump [n] The condition of enhanced right arm muscle due to excessive wanking.

Quim Chin, Muff Mouth [n] A bearded fellow.

Ragman’s Coat [n] untidy and very hairy vagina - eg. "Yeah, she looks quite fit but I bet she's got one like a Ragman’s Coat!"

Reading the Defence [n] The concept of a guy making a split second decision when in a situation to score with some chick when out without his girlfriend/wife. "Reading the Defence" refers to making all of the proper" game time adjustments" as to not get caught cheating later on at some point. Having Beer Goggles on makes it very hard to Read the Defence.

Refusing to Bar Up [v] The unwritten rule, and mission, when a mate is drawn out of the crowd to receive a lap dance, to the joy of his mates. Despite all acts that are performed on him, it is considered taboo for the subject to Bar Up. N.B. Half Mongrels are allowed.

Release a Chocolate Hostage [v] To liberate Richard the Third, to defecate - eg. "I'm just nipping out to release a chocolate hostage".

Ricockulous [adj] a more extreme version of the word 'ridiculous'. Good for when you want to add more emphasis.

Ripped out Fireplace [n] A much swept out skin chimney.

Rusty Trombone [n] The process by which one person is tossing a guy's salad, and then reaches around and gives them a hand job.

Salad Dodger [n] an excellent phrase for an overweight person.

San Diego Surprise [n] The act of bringing a girl home and while fucking her, having a friend in waiting enter the room naked in hopes of a consensual threesome. Named by Navy guys stationed in San Diego. Rumoured to work about one third of the time.

Schindler’s List [sl] Rhyming slang for pissed; drunk. “Geez mate I was pretty Schindler’s on Saturday night”.

The Screwnicorn {v, n] When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

Skin Chimney [n] excellent (but disgusting of course) term for vagina.

Slag Wellies [n] Knee-high boots.

Snatch Patch [n] A feminine hygiene product.

The Southern Trespass [n, v] The Southern Trespass most frequently occurs when an over zealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman's vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the ass in a rainstorm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern Trespass.

Spam Butterfly [n] A finger assisted close-up pink shot in a bongo mag.

Starfish Trooper [n] An Arsetronaut.

Stroke the Dog through the Letterbox [v] To slide your hand down the front of a lady's knickers.

Swamp Donkey [n] an unattractive woman - eg. "Blimey, have you seen those swamp donkeys sitting in the corner!"

Tart Fuel [n] similar to 'bitch piss', bottled alcopops regularly drank by young women.

The Teabagging [v] The all time classic manoeuvre of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase "Who's your daddy?" See also The Woody Woodpecker.

Tea Towel Holder [n] the anus. Derived from the fact that those round plastic holders that you push tea towels into resemble the anus.

Texas Hot Plate [n] The "receiver" either gets under a glass table or holds a piece of glass over their head while the "giver" defecates from above onto the glass.

Throwing A Pickle Down A Hallway [v] An expression for when you've just layed the pipe to some chick (usually fat) who has a big loose box. Used in a sentence: I may as well have just thrown a pickle down the hallway instead of fucking Fat Fanny's loose gash.

Times Square Shuttle [n] You have two girls with you and they are in the 69 position with each other. You then alternately fuck each of them while they chow each other. You go from the missionary position on one and run to the other side and work in doggie style on the other one. Repeat as many times as necessary/possible (aka Burning the Candle at Both Ends, Playing Ping Pong, The Gunga Din).

Titanic [n] A Date who goes down first time out.

Tit Pants [n] A Bra.

Todger Dodger [n] A lesbian.

Tongue Punchbag [n] Small man in a boat: See Budgie's Tongue.

Tossing Salad [n] Licking another's anus. Done in prison as payment for drugs.

Tupperware Party [n] When three guys are triple-teaming a chick... one with his penis in her mouth, another in her vagina, and the third in her anus. So named because she is sealed airtight.

Twinkler [n, v] When you are 69-ing with a hunee and she gags on your member and you can see her bunghole pucker up.

Two Bagger [n] Someone so ugly that two bags are required, one to cover their head and one to cover yours in case theirs falls off.

Up on Blocks - having a period (menstruating). ie Out of action, a bit like a car in a garage - eg. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".

UTBNB Acronym, Up The Bum, No Babies!

Valsalva [n] The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be going forward.

Wallace and Gromit [n] Modern Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.

Walnut Whip A minor operation that removes the cream but leaves the nuts intact.

Wet as an Otters Pocket Descriptive as to the moistness of a ladies kipper mitten.

Wigger [n] a white man who is trying to act like a black man. Especially applied to a white rapper, ie Vanilla Ice.

Winona Ryder [n] Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e. g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of tart fuel please Doreen"

Wizard’s Sleeve [n] a large (cavernous) vagina.

The Woody Woodpecker [v, n] When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead. A woman who performs rapid, hands-free horatio. From the movement of the bird's head as she hammers your trunk.

World of Leather (n) The parts of an aged lady. Granny's oysters.

Wyatt Earp [v, n] Modern Rhyming Slang for 'burp'.

X-Piles [n] Unwanted visitors from Uranus

Yummy Mummy [n] 1. A middle-aged woman worthy of a good seeing-to, eg. Helen Mirren. 2. A young mother with a fantastic arse pushing a buggy.

The Zombie Mask [v, n] While getting head from your favourite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week’s worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

Oh Damn...

lol hip-hop slang, for everyday use...http://www.rapdict.org/terms/a (http://http://www.rapdict.org/terms/a)

Title edited due to possible offensive content. Please use the proper courtesy to inform AF members when posting content that may be inappropriate.

The Houdini - whilst doing a girl doggy style, pull it out and spit on her back. proclaim you are finished, and once she turns around to face you, blow it in her face. TA-DAAAA!

The Rodeo - whilst doing a girl doggy style, lean forward and whisper "you're almost as good as your sister" into her ear. stay on for as long as possible.

The Strawberry Shortcake - blow it into a girls mouth, then punch her in the nose. the resulting double-discharge should resemble a strawberry shortcake.


DISCLAIMER: me posting these does not mean i condone them. i merely heard them around and decided i'd add them in.

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OMG, thats nuts. :lol2:

OMG, thats nuts. :lol2:

wait...aren't you the one that posted it?

:eek7:

I was laughing at the now non-existent laughing beer bottle.

LOL :grinno: That just made my day! :icon16:

I was laughing at the now non-existent laughing beer bottle.

yeah i deleted it cause it didn't turn out looking right.

the smileys that made up the "neck" of the bottle kept aligning to the left instead of staying in the centre.

*shrugs*

fun stuff :smile:

Those range from :sly: to :rofl:

I'm with Yogs...some higly disturbing and others were great! :grinno:

well, i learned a whole heck of a lot. thanks.

The Zombie Mask [v, n] While getting head from your favourite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week’s worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

I just spit my soda at the monitor.

this is the kind of useful information they OUGHT to be teaching us in school

trash-barrel whore, .


my type of ladayyyy :naughty:

nice, posting all 11 pages of this around res.

Note: Cleveland steamer off family Guy skit, finally found out what it means.

Wow, that took a long time to read. But anyways that was really funny! :lol: I learned alot.

ive heard some of those before but the ones i havent... wow, :rofl:

that stuff is bananas man great find:rofl: