Best resignation letter ever
matada
03-01-2004, 07:21 PM
This was forwarded to me by a good friend. I am not sure if it has been circulating already, but it does make a pretty good read:
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA,
to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Cecelia
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA,
to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Cecelia
deadlight
03-01-2004, 07:25 PM
Oh my dear sweet jesus, almost sounds like she was an employee in office space. Is that seriously real?
Zcaithaca
03-01-2004, 07:55 PM
yes...it is seriously real repetitively redundent man
deadlight
03-01-2004, 08:13 PM
yes...it is seriously real repetitively redundent man
You misspelled redundant. :D
You misspelled redundant. :D
ci5ic
03-01-2004, 08:37 PM
Fake but funny none-the-less...
ac427cpe
03-01-2004, 08:41 PM
omg.... that was amazing
blindside.AMG
03-01-2004, 08:57 PM
I thought it was real until this paragraph here:
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
That seems a little far fetched to me.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
That seems a little far fetched to me.
taranaki
03-01-2004, 09:58 PM
I could write a better one.Sounds like my boss.
kittedb18bt
03-01-2004, 10:05 PM
i liked it at first, then lost interest soon after.
MagicRat
03-01-2004, 11:08 PM
It's funny, but likely not real. This letter fits the definition of 'extortion' and would be too risky to submit.
How effective are threats of naked pictures when you are up on criminal charges?
How effective are threats of naked pictures when you are up on criminal charges?
publicenemy137
03-02-2004, 12:23 AM
i don't think it's real. that naked pictures sounds really fake
Toksin
03-02-2004, 01:38 AM
Mine was better.
"I AM TEH QUIT!!1"
"I AM TEH QUIT!!1"
crayzayjay
03-02-2004, 04:51 AM
Hoax... i got the same email forwarded to me a few weeks ago and the guy supposedly worked at "Zantex Computers" Australia, not Zantex USA.. look up zantec computers you wont find shit, apart from the fact that "the boss supposedly resigned soon after"... my ass
YogsVR4
03-02-2004, 11:27 AM
That wasn't all that creative.
goat_launcher
03-02-2004, 01:23 PM
My resignation was also better...well it shouldn't count as a resignation, because I did it after I got fired. But at the fulfillment warehouse I got fired from, after I was terminated, I walked right up to the main paging phone, and pressed #4 for the entire building speaker system. I heard a extremly loud beep that filled the warehouse. Now I could do damage. I let loose a 12 second double B flat ultra-low belch, then yelled "BLOOOWJOOOOB"! at the top of my lungs, then "EAT SHIT AND DIE, DOUCHEBAGS!" I had completed my reign of terror at Merrill Corp. Warehouse. :evillol:
crayzayjay
03-02-2004, 02:08 PM
My resignation was also better...well it shouldn't count as a resignation, because I did it after I got fired. But at the fulfillment warehouse I got fired from, after I was terminated, I walked right up to the main paging phone, and pressed #4 for the entire building speaker system. I heard a extremly loud beep that filled the warehouse. Now I could do damage. I let loose a 12 second double B flat ultra-low belch, then yelled "BLOOOWJOOOOB"! at the top of my lungs, then "EAT SHIT AND DIE, DOUCHEBAGS!" I had completed my reign of terror at Merrill Corp. Warehouse. :evillol:
Not exactly creative but good nonetheless. kudos :bigthumb:
Not exactly creative but good nonetheless. kudos :bigthumb:
Oz
03-02-2004, 06:00 PM
Funny. If it was an Australian company it would be 'Mum' not 'Mom'.
Zcaithaca
03-02-2004, 06:03 PM
Funny. If it was an Australian company it would be 'Mum' not 'Mom'. crazy australians:screwy:
Zcaithaca
03-02-2004, 06:05 PM
its fake...same letter but from a different employee: http://www.uselessjunk.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=179
goat_launcher
03-03-2004, 01:09 PM
Yeah, try looking up Zantex Computers on Google, all you get is the story about letter itself and no company site at all. God, some people have too much time on their hands making shit up. :loser:
By the way, on my resignation thingy I did, I was drunk, and fired for showing up drunk. Ah who the fuck cares. :screwy:
By the way, on my resignation thingy I did, I was drunk, and fired for showing up drunk. Ah who the fuck cares. :screwy:
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