This joke is a repost

I posted this a long long time ago, but I think its time for a comeback. Feel free to post up some other humor and we'll keep it going long as its not something posted in the last few months
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A missionary was out in the heart of the jungles of Africa all alone when he suddenly realized that he was surrounded by an entire tribe of cannibals. He says, "Oh god, I'm fucked now!"

Then he hears this deep, heavenly voice in his mind that says, "No you're not! Grab that spear from the nearest cannibal and run it through the heart of that big man with all the feathers on his head."

The missionary, in his desperate situation, does as he is told and waits, "Now what?" he says...

Then he hears the voice again, "NOW, you're fucked!"

:lol: Thats a pretty good :repost: Yogs.

:rofl: :rofl: that's a good one'not a repost for me. :rofl:

:rofl: :lol2:

Insurance claims on how the accident happen…

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother in law and headed over the embankment.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for a plant all day and was on my way home. As I reached an inter-section a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident and damage my big end.

As I approached the intersection a sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I stuck a pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, stuck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run. So I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out the way when I struck the front end.

The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.

I knocked over a man, he admitted it was his fault as he'd been knocked over before.

I posted this a long long time ago, but I think its time for a comeback. Feel free to post up some other humor and we'll keep it going long as its not something posted in the last few months
--------------------------------------------------------------


A missionary was out in the heart of the jungles of Africa all alone when he suddenly realized that he was surrounded by an entire tribe of cannibals. He says, "Oh god, I'm fucked now!"

Then he hears this deep, heavenly voice in his mind that says, "No you're not! Grab that spear from the nearest cannibal and run it through the heart of that big man with all the feathers on his head."

The missionary, in his desperate situation, does as he is told and waits, "Now what?" he says...

Then he hears the voice again, "NOW, you're fucked!"

I kinda found that funny. For the short time that I have been around, its not a repost for me.

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new
Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal
to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a
highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren
blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and
he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then
110, 120 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this
kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked
up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you

were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a
Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and says "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?"

"I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

I posted this a long long time ago, but I think its time for a comeback. Feel free to post up some other humor and we'll keep it going long as its not something posted in the last few months
--------------------------------------------------------------


A missionary was out in the heart of the jungles of Africa all alone when he suddenly realized that he was surrounded by an entire tribe of cannibals. He says, "Oh god, I'm fucked now!"

Then he hears this deep, heavenly voice in his mind that says, "No you're not! Grab that spear from the nearest cannibal and run it through the heart of that big man with all the feathers on his head."

The missionary, in his desperate situation, does as he is told and waits, "Now what?" he says...

Then he hears the voice again, "NOW, you're fucked!"
never would happen...

I like carrrnuttt's post

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and says "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?"

"I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

:lol2:

never would happen...



Humour is lost on you :disappoin