College Entrance Essay

This is supposedly true, but I cannot confirm nor am I going to confirm it. It is, however, very funny if it happened.

This is an actual essay written by a college applicant to NYU. The author was accepted and is now attending NYU.

3A. IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

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I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.

Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.

The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

No wonder they let him in to NYU, that guy is really talented...;)

I can tell you right now that any college Admission counselor would be a fool not to admit this person. That's one of the most creative pieces of writing I have ever read. Note to all: It's okay to be daring on college essays, but very few can pull it off as well as the anonymous author above. ;)

someones never had a girlfreind...........

Originally posted by Towlie
someones never had a girlfreind...........

Wow, that was a brilliant statement. :rolleyes: Just jealous I suppose that you lack the creativity of the author? Hmm...I suppose that your lot in life has you jealous of a lot. And so, we at AF suffer your half-ass attempts to sound smart and superior to those around you.

It's okay Towlie, I'm here for you...let it out, let it aaalllll out. ;) :right:

That was pretty good. :D It stopped just in time as well. Any longer and its humorous value would have dropped.

Originally posted by DantesInferno


Wow, that was a brilliant statement. :rolleyes: Just jealous I suppose that you lack the creativity of the author? Hmm...I suppose that your lot in life has you jealous of a lot. And so, we at AF suffer your half-ass attempts to sound smart and superior to those around you.

It's okay Towlie, I'm here for you...let it out, let it aaalllll out. ;) :right:


so I suppose that means you've never had a girlfriend cuz you like boys?

:flipa: ;)

Originally posted by OisinT
so I suppose that means you've never had a girlfriend cuz you like boys?
:flipa: ;)

Well...I didn't expect such a comment from someone from a great city like Portland (close to my heart and my second home). I am thoroughly dissappointed. :(

:) No...I haven't. ;)

i was simply implying that someone with that much time on there hands to make up an essay like that......and even if the essay is true..........probably has never had a girlfreind

Originally posted by OisinT



so I suppose that means you've never had a girlfriend cuz you like boys?

:flipa: ;)

so what if she likes boys, what's wrong with that? :confused:

love the essay, not sure where the thread's going.....:(

Originally posted by taranaki
love the essay, not sure where the thread's going.....:(


Ill second that.

Towlie and Dante I dont care what little private joke your pulling but please cut it out! :devil:

Your ruining the Docs thread and upsetting other members. :mad:


:cool:

WHHHAAAAAAA!!!!! MOPPIE!!!!! MAKE THEM STOP THIS INSIDE JOKE!!!!!!!

(yawn)....closes door on way out

Originally posted by RevHappy Cowboy®


so what if she likes boys, what's wrong with that? :confused:

nothing.. I think that was my point.. ???

I'm CONFUSED.... Moppie, make them stop confusing me! :confused:

I've seen that somewhere else before, but it still keeps its appeal!

Now if only I could write something that spectacular!!!

i dont get what i did......all i did was post my thoughts on it?


my thought being that whoever wrote it had too much time on there hands thus having no girlfreinds in there previous time

Thanks for ruining my thread folks.:mad: