Torn...

It's nearly Christmas, a time to be with family and friends and celebrate what is good in the world.

I know I am exceptionally fortunate to have arrived where I am now - I've carved out a well paying career, I live and own a house near the beach and a late model new car, I continue to enjoy experiences that most folk can only dream about or watch on documentaries (scuba diving sunken wrecks, skiing in the mountains, sailing on the high seas and doing stuff in the outdoors that push back frontiers for me) as well as having a circle of friends from many walks of life, interests, countries and experiences that are at once stimulating and enjoyable that I share a mutual feeling of respect and care.

I have my health - some would say despite all of the pressure I place upon it and that of my family and friends too.

But as I sat upon the deck of the retreat this Saturday morning on a clifftop looking over the Pacific Ocean that spanned the horizon in an uninterrupted arc I felt something I had not in a while. It was like something had stolen a breath from me and I realised that despite all of the fortune and hard work that I got me to this place that there was this longing that somehow needs to satisfied.

I felt torn. I have laid down roots and security - finding my place amongst all of those that I been fortunate to have seen - to make this place my home but yet I long for distant shores. I feel compelled and drawn to other places, other people that I care for and to leave some of the people I care most about... even my voice betrays the fact that I have been touched by the places I have been - my accent being mid-Tasman - somewhere in the space between Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland and Vancouver.

This feeling lingers - simmers beneath the surface. I can often feel it well up like a geyser or bubble away malevolently... sometimes it troubles me not but often I can almost taste how it troubles me...

wow, someone intellectually comparable to myself. that was a beautiful post. you are a wonderful writer. is there a love in your life? i can see how this gap could be inane. this gap is irreplaceable, i hope you find your way.

You have concrete security here. Take some time off and travel, see more of the world, places you haven't seen yet, Rep. You can always come back to the home you have here.

Alternately, move the hell out of Auckland and come to Wellington ;)