The Five Levels of Drinking

LEVEL 1: It's 11pm on a weeknight, you've had a few beers.
Just as you get up to leave because you have to work the next day, one of your friends buys another round -- one of your *unemployed* friends. Here, at level one, you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, as long as I get seven hours of sleep, I'll be fine."

LEVEL 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers.

You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against the use of artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours of sleep, I'm cool."

LEVEL 3: 1am. You've abandoned beer for tequila.

You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR the use of artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"

At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom, you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies (like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook."). But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger... and he's buying. And you're thinking, "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours of sleep... and a complete change of blood, I'm cool."

LEVEL 4: 2am. And the devil is bartending.

For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf!

This time, on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an afterhours bar.

Here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well... as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well stay up all night! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow, I'm cool."

LEVEL 5: 5am.

After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Simon!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as... that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is saying, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell by nine."

At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO VEGAS, BABY!!!!!" -- and passes out.

You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level 5 -- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work or worse, jogging. And they look at you and they know. And they say, "Who's Simon?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory -- you've beat the night. But if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight.

We all say the same prayer and then, "I swear, I will never do this again as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!

Cant say that i have reached level five...but i am trying oh so very hard...

Your drinking habits are way worse than mine,thanks for the laugh.:D

College Sudent here.....A party isnt a party if u leave when its still dark out :D

I think i am currently at a level 3

Anything past level one leads to trouble - at least the kind you usually cant recall.

ive been to level 5. not a fun place to be, but its college and we all routinley do it :rolleyes:

That story is so true.

The worst part is getting to work and you still have all your good clothes on that you had on the night before.
Then you have to ask for a half day off because some little bastard is racing a go-cart in side your head :bloated: :bloated:

i hate the sun after stuff like that!

i usually hit level 4 and then i'm like aright.... no more drinks, i think it's time to go pass out somewhere

Nice post... I have been to the ever-dreaded level 5 all too many times, and am extremely guilty of saying I'll never do it again. That never pans out...:)

I am SO glad I dont drink. if thats what it means to "have fun", count me out. I'm probably the only person in this whole forum that dosent drink. kudos to me...:ylsuper

Originally posted by SickLude
I am SO glad I dont drink. if thats what it means to "have fun", count me out. I'm probably the only person in this whole forum that dosent drink. kudos to me...:ylsuper

Good job, SickLude. I'm not much of a drinker, nor do I need to drink to have fun..I am silly enough on my own :p Once in blue moon I will have 1 drink when out for dinner or a 1 drink at a party, but most of the time I am the designated driver so I rarely even get 1 drink at parties. Do I get a kudos, too? :D

Originally posted by SickLude
I am SO glad I dont drink. if thats what it means to "have fun", count me out. I'm probably the only person in this whole forum that dosent drink. kudos to me...:ylsuper


Well, you are wrong. :)

I have been drunk once, and only once, and that was in the military. I will never do that agin.

I will occasionally have a drink here and there though. But not enough to even hit level 1 on that list.

Originally posted by SickLude
I am SO glad I dont drink. if thats what it means to "have fun", count me out. I'm probably the only person in this whole forum that dosent drink. kudos to me...:ylsuper

I have never gave in to substance abuse either. I am not perfect though, no one is...

Might I add I have lots of fun, all the time. I really don't see any fun in drinking anyway, a lot of my friends drink and they don't seem to be having too much fun when drunk.