Ok, here it goes

This is straight out of a damn soap opera. And this is my life. (this is going to get long)

What does life have to deal with? WOMEN! What were you expecting? Football?

Here is the situation. And I know I am completely fucked on this, so you can try to offer advice, but I say good luck to you.

My girl and I have been together for 8 months. She's at the point where she wants to leave me. Not because she doesn't like me, love me, or think i'm not good looking.

She has been Divorced twice. The first husband cheated on her. She loved him, but took her a while to leave. The second husband got cancer at the age of 28, and died 3 weeks ago. He left her end of December '02 so she wouldn't have to watch him pass on. She still loves him now. Which I would expect.

She has a daughter. 3 years old. (Which I personally think is the only thing keeping her alive.) She has been pregnant 2 other times, but lost both babies.

When we started dating, it was just sex. That's all she wanted. We both made it clear to each other that we never wanted to get married, or never wanted to have kids. For about 4 months we were perfect. Never argued. We hung out. Laughed. Had the perfect relationship. At the end of the 4th month she told me "don't you do anything stupid, because i'm getting attached to you." I was like "ok."

At about the 5th month she came home from the doctor. They told her she may have had cancer. Which opened a can of worms that I wish never would have happened. Now to ease things, she doesn't have cancer. But just the thought of this made her think about her life and what she wanted.

She has now said she wants to get married, have a family, and be a homemaker. This is what she wants. But she's too afraid to because of her past experience. Which I can understand completely.

She doesn't want to be with me because he thinks these are not my problems, and she shouldn't have to burden them with me. And when I say problems, there are other ones as well. She's had problems with alcohol, smoking, and the drug vicotin (sp?).

I have told her that I would be there for her. No matter what. I'm fully prepared. But she keeps saying "we should not go on like this."

I don't know how to get this woman to understand. I most certainly don't want to lose her.

For now, I have backed off. I don't try to give advice. I am just support. She hasn't used me for support. So I feel like i'm really not doing anything.

My worse problem is this. I have studied 3 different martial arts for 15 years. I have done this because I want to protect the people around me. I feel so powerless over this. Like I can't do anything. And that is the worse feeling.

I think she is just depressed. I really don't think anything is wrong with our relationship. How do I work through this? I'm struggling for answers.

If anyone has any questions on this, feel free to ask. Or just enjoy the reading I guess.

Peace out.

[QUOTE=The LH]She has now said she wants to get married, have a family, and be a homemaker. This is what she wants. But she's too afraid to because of her past experience. Which I can understand completely./QUOTE]



You haven't stated what you want... we know what she wants. What do you want, as far as the whole marriage thing goes? If she decides for sure this is what she wants, are you willing to jump into this? Man, I don't know exactly what to tell you. You're gonna have to follow either your heart or your gut instinct through this thing. You shouldn't get married if you don't end up feeling as strongly about it as she does... cuz ya both need to feel the same way about it. What about family/friends... have you sought advice from those closest to you? Maybe they could shed some light on this... good luck man, I hope everything works out for the best, however that road may go.
:cheers:

...

I think she is just depressed. I really don't think anything is wrong with our relationship. How do I work through this? I'm struggling for answers.

If anyone has any questions on this, feel free to ask. Or just enjoy the reading I guess.

Peace out.

I have never been anywhere NEAR her situation, so I haven't really got any advice to give.

However I will say she's very lucky to have someone like you who is sticking with her through some very, very rough times.

i really don't want to get married or have kids. i like dating. but since she's rolled in, i've layed the black book down and stopped my clubbing. there's something about her. so i'm not sure.

she worries about everything. my biggest decision in a day is what i'm going to eat.

thank you very much ladies. you all wonder why guys don't like to open up, don't like committment. well it's your fault. my girl has given up and i've joined the single club. never again will i give a girl any type of idea of a long term relationship.

well if she doesnt want your help and protection.... dont give it to her. it's up to her to come around, and realise what she's missing. its just really hard to say tho, shes in a pretty bad(depressing) situation. absence makes the heart grow fonder! i guess for now just try to move on with your life?

how did the relationship start tho? sex sex sex. maybe she feels your not up for this kind of commitment.

i really don't want to get married or have kids. i like dating. but since she's rolled in, i've layed the black book down and stopped my clubbing. there's something about her. so i'm not sure.


i bet she can feel that sense of doubt in you. u need to make a solid choice. follow your gut instincts man, if you need to get outta there, take that road. but if this girl is the one and only............. hopefully it'll work itself out in time.

dirtydx, you're right on the money.

it started out to be just sex. that's all she wanted. but then after a couple of months. it turned into more.

i say "no kids, no marriage." she says "no kids, no marriage." don't get me wrong, she still doesn't. but she wants to. that's her ultimate goal. she's just too afraid of having another miscarriage, or getting divorced again. that make sense?

so even if i make a solid choice and say "let's get married and have kids," she's still going to be freaked out. i'm at a loss.

on a sidenote, i've decided to keep a daily journal. i write for thirty minutes and stop. no matter what. this will be my 3rd day. i guess it's too early to tell if it's working.

and here is some more drama. she thinks she's pregnant. we're going to do the home test tonight. i really wasn't worried about it. but she is. and she's a nurse, and she knows herself pretty well. so now i'm freaking out about this.

i'm so very NOT excited about this. :banghead:

man i dont know what to say. maybe go to a counseller?

u dont have to get married.. u know u love each other, and that's what means the most. just be her partner. my sis has been with a fellow for nearly 10 years, i doubt they'll ever "tie the knot". they just dont see the point.



i dont know if im being much of a help.... i've never experienced anything remotely close to this.. just keep hoping for the best... things can only get better from here.

i don't believe in couselor's.

and anything is a help at this point. i certainly don't have any answers. she wanted to live together, but not right now.

it's very much appreciated.