She's gone... fine.. but now what?

Well here's the deal.. Ok my ex broke up with me, as you all know. Now i'm at the stage where it doesnt bother me so much anymore. But my problem is that i wasn't ready to be single when she ended it. I wanted (still want) someone to care for... and someone to care for me back. You know... women have it so easy. They can just pick and choose who they are with next. While us guys, we have to work our balls off to get the girl that strikes us the most..

Anyway, I want to start dating again ASAP, my only problem is that now, i obviously have a lot of baggage from the recent breakup. But I feel empty by not having someone who can feel for me as i can for them. I find syself bbored and thingking "I wish i could go to *so and so* for comfort".

Maybe all this just means i'm not over kate, but, it just sucks not having someone there for you.

meh.. anyone have any advice?

The next girl you go out with is going to notice all this bagage that you still have. You should find something else to take up your free time until she's just a memory and not the bulk of your focus.













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focus on your other baby.....your RX-7

just wait, you will find the one. take this time to catch up on things you werent able to do. my divorce was finalized 9 months ago, and I am just now starting to see someone. I understand perfectly how the lonliness can be, but just give it time. dont rush into a new relationship.

Take up golf a year-round activity that is fun and relaxing, or relieves stress. Hang out with the guys more often. Whatever takes your mind off of things will be good.

i am in no way highly experienced with girls, considering i am only 15, but i happen to know a thing or two. We have all been where you are, and it is not fun at all. My advice is that you should just be strong and keep meeting girls until you find one that you like. This is one thing that i know will not take five minutes, because i have been tryin for about 6 months.

Good luck Steel, and remember, just be yourself. Let go of the memories of kate just for the amount of time that you are in a club lookin around. It will make you relaxed and desirable.

Definately try to keep busy, that is the main thing...play sports with buddies, or do what ever else you like to do with your friends. Anything to keep your mind off you ex, good luck man

Steel

I don't profess to know all or any of the answers - I still manage to completely crash and burn with relationships.

Someone described it as compulsive serial monogamy: I see, I chase, I stalk, they finally give in, I can't compromise and things turn sour and then I end up doing it again.

For some reason, I can be enduring with friendships and having lasting and loyal ones with women but I seem to have this self-destructive streak with anything more significant.

I don't know, possibly never will. One thing I do know is that I have felt as lousy about things recently than at any other time - perhaps because I'd made a conscious effort to be a better person this time around and it still ended up being a mess. Not that this was unexpected - sometimes things are doomed from the start but you try anyway.

So really unless you want to end up a crusty old misogynist then you have to face the inalienable fact that life isn't fair, it's bloody cruel and unjust - but you get over things and time does heal or make the more obvious scars a little less brazen.

Most guys at my age are facing the growth around the middle (otherwise known as middle age spread or a beer gut) and their mid-life crisis... I'm still coping with the police pulling me over because I look too young to be pedalling my car and the fact that I now have two separate groups of friends - the ones I grew up with and the ones that do the things I do who are ten to twelve years younger...

Anyway, life is just a passport to adventure - just consider this as one of the journeys you've made. Some of them you'll learn from, some it will take time... some of them you want to repeat and some you are fated to...

I don't think I'll ever be completely over three women I've met in my life but part of me knows that some of the best moments I've experienced were with them and possibly the best in me was revealed so I don't really want to let go completely.

hell yes!
it takes a good chunk of bloody time to get over the fear of being lonely for a little. hell i havent dated in aaaaaaaages, but once you start getting used to the feeling of being single ull enjoy it more.
unless of course, someone comes along and youll enjoy your time with them, fully. thats even better.
yea mate, thats all to it aye, takes time and you cant really be searching for answers by asking others what to do or what not, you should just take it as it goes. forcing yourself into a relationship, might even fuck you up even more, who knows. just dont do the whole "back up" shit with another girl (as in using her to make urself feel not alone). you gotta kinda take it as it goes, like i said.

<.< not an expert in relationships. alltho i can tell you that us females do have feelings aswell, so uh think both ways.

My advice is. When you are out there dating, DO NOT let the new girl know the old one broke up with you. Always say that you left her (because it was not working out or she was not willing to grow with you).

That is if the relationship topic comes up.

If they know a girl left you, they see it as "she must have left him for a reason" and her interest level in you will drop.

Hide your baggage, if you can't, wait until you get to the point where you can.

Easier said than done, but you have to do what you have to do to play the game and pass women's little tests they put you through.

In the meantime, get a second job or put more time into your hobbies.

2nd jobs are good at a time like this. It takes up your time, allows you to possibly meet someone, lets you earn more money to save , so when you do find someone, you may be more free to take some time off work to spend with them, 3 day weekends...

Thanks for the words guys. Seems to make sense for the most part. I think a big problem is that I really don't have much to take my mind off of it. I'm stuck here at school, and after the schoolwork, theres nothing to do but ponder about this crap.

I'd love more than anything to be working on zee Rex, but unfortunatley that takes money that I don't have yet. The amount rivals having a girl even! And of course i'm forced to be around this place until I leave, and this place just has bad vibes from what's happened.

Heh, everyday I feel a bit different. Now I sit here and don't even really want a girl, tomorrow I may. All part of getting through this crap I guess.

But again, thanks. You guys *and girl!* can certainly lift spirits :)

edited in light of recent discoveries. :iceslolan

In my opinion baggage isnt all that bad of a thing. I mean say u meet someone, and shes great and funny, and beautiful but then she finds out u have some things still that ur trying to get over and she bails. Well then u really wouldnt want to be with that kind of person anyway. I think in a relationship we should understand that the other has been hurt before and needs a little help and reasurance that its okay to trust again. I think that if one of us is not willing to help the other one then what the hell is the point of relationships and learning. I also believe that trust takes time to build so just try to find someone that understands that and feels the same way. I even think its okay to (every now and then) talk about ur ex with her. And allow her to share her experiences with u. Itll help u both understand what u dont and do like. But whatdo i know im still single, but thats just my opinion on the whole thing.

good points importchick. But i think that I need to get to the point where I'm not thinking aobut it every single day (and consequently talking aobut it every day) before i try looking. I don't think that ANYONE would wanna listen to my damn banter everyday.

yes. steel.
its all about getting over it. takes time, shit it mightnt even take that long mate. honest, get urself busy with work, get urself busy with friends and do things that hoenstly u enjoy ...... errr!!!!! that bloody kookaburra again!! it screams right in front of my window!...
anyway, thats all it takes steel. its like fuck it u know? if she comes along right, then take it if u like it. think of urself as impossible :D

Alright... not to bing up old shit but...

Up until this point, she was connected at the hip with this one guy. Now all of a sudden, she's all friendly (REALLY friendly) with that friend that i mentioned oh so long ago. Tonite that is. Is she really that fuckin easy? I suppose that it just follows the pattern that she set but...damn, I woulda never dated this crap if i'd known.

BLARGH! Nevermind, i'll just not think aobut it\

BLARGH! Nevermind, i'll just not think aobut it\

Steel i know how you feel, just hang in there man. The healing time is different for everyone, but after looking back, I can honestly say I am happier now and everything is going to be ok. I have had some flings here and there to keep myself sane, but just don't jump back into anything to soon. You'll find another one when your least expecting it and not looking for it. Thats usually the way it happens. Don't bust your balls to much playing the desperate role looking for a women to give you the attention that you feel you need now, just wait until you are healed and can be yourself again.

I'm not saying don't go out and have fun, just don't go out and try to find a duplicate of what you had to make yourself feel normal again or like it used to be when you were with kate.

Best of luck to you mate, and keep the chin up.