holy crap this is so f'n true
Ricochet
09-18-2003, 11:49 AM
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN COLUMBUS
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Columbus driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Ohio, a no-fault insurance state, and the other guy don't have anything
to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in Columbus during rush hour.
9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Columbus driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Columbus is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the City Street Department, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
12. It is traditional in Columbus to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green.
13. Remember that the goal of every Columbus driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.
14. In the Columbus area, "flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite Ohio salute. This gesture should always be returned.
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Columbus driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Ohio, a no-fault insurance state, and the other guy don't have anything
to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in Columbus during rush hour.
9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Columbus driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Columbus is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the City Street Department, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
12. It is traditional in Columbus to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green.
13. Remember that the goal of every Columbus driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.
14. In the Columbus area, "flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite Ohio salute. This gesture should always be returned.
sugarcaddy
09-18-2003, 04:50 PM
And this is relevent to everyone here, who by my guess is not located in Ohio....
:uhoh::loser:
Scott
:uhoh::loser:
Scott
YogsVR4
09-18-2003, 04:50 PM
I've seen those rules before but for a different group of people. Still quite funny though :smile:
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