Can you choose?

Inspired by a movie I watched tonight...

Can you choose who you love?

nope, well maybe. thats a pretty deep question i think im goin to bed, too tired and worn out to think now.
Rich

I belive that you can choose. That comes from experience.

I think its possible to make yourself fall into or out of love, so in that way, you can choose. But I think there are more times when you just find yourself in love, and you can't really control it.

man.....am I the only one around here that experiments with thier own feelings and emotions...?:bandit:

The answer is yes. I know several couples who are from arranged marriages. They only met a couple times before getting married and and they are most definately fell in love.

ive thought about this a little more and now i would say you can choose but most of the time its chooses you. a nice middle of the road answer for ya
Rich

I wanted to wait before posting, and sadly I'm still left rather stymied...

I know several couples who are from arranged marriages. They only met a couple times before getting married and and they are most definately fell in love.
I don't think that's necessarily choosing whom you love... that's more like making the best out of a given situation. And in the cases where they have fallen in love, that MAY be a mere coincidence that their personalities match despite the fact that they had never previously met.

I am hard pressed to choose one answer here, even though the response should be black or white. I have chosen to fall out of love with people, but when I tried to fall in love with someone, I failed miserably. I even tried to convince myself by writing it down, thus psychologically making it more believable. I tried using the "validity effect" by which the more you hear something, the more you tend to believe it to be true, and that didn't even work.

I didn't choose to fall in love with the one person I believe I share a true love with... but I had to force myself to change my love once we broke up. I suppose that means that I do not believe that love can be chosen by the giver or recipient...

But it's still a great question, so I'm going to answer even though nobody's checked this post in weeks.

I don't think you can choose to fall in love. Love is one of those "things" that either happens or doesn't, and it's anything but based upon our intellect. That is where our free will and choices lie, outside those boundaries things either are or are not, and their state is based upon things at least mostly outside our conscious control. To illustrate... have you ever had an overpowering chemisty with someone? I once had a girlfirend with whom I had astounding chemistry, we couldn't keep our hands off one another. It only took about 3 weeks before we were discussing the serious side of relationships, yet the relationship in whole only lasted 3 months. We drove each other crazy in every way, she tried my last nerve and yet I have never been in love with someone so completely (and vice versa). In that instance, love was something that hit me like a ton of bricks, I so wanted to move on to other things but was inexorably drawn to her by forces outside my control. Emotion, lust, love... these were the things that posessed me to the point of my being beyond control. It wasn't looks, she was good looking but not the best I have been with; it wasn't personality or circumstance or intelligence either; it was just that thing called love. When it hits it can be the strongest force in the world, and that alone should prove it's more than a match for free will on it's best day, IMO. Anyways, that's my 2 cents.

you guys forget the one and only thing that makes us who we are and why we are. FREE WILL . everything we do is based on a choice we make. i don't believe in fate, or in destiny. coz if i don't have control over my own life, then i don't care to know who does. free will is the greatest and worst gift we have. it created us and it will kill us.

Originally posted by DantesInferno

Can you choose who you love?



No.

Originally posted by Moppie

No.

I tend to agree.

Life would be a shit load easier if you could control it though.

but then if life was easy it would be boring.

:cool:

Get the Sims. Its a whole lot easier than RL. :D

Not at all. Ever. You cant chose it nor get rid of it. I never asked to fall in love with Nina, but I did, and I don't want it.

You see, IMO, love is just like a tiny living mouse in your heart. It comes from nowhere. But you like it, it's warm and fuzzy- as long as it's fed properly. Without food - or - love back, your mouse slowly dies, turns into a scruffy rat and tears at the inside of your heart for more food. Circumstances like finding out your significant other has been cheating on you, or something, is like putting a .22 to the little mousies head. It can kill it, or it can survive. There can also be more than one mouse living in there, but they always end up fighting, and only one or none are left alive. The fighting in itself tears up your heart. But when it does finally die, there is always a little part that becomes part of your own heart that you will never lose. Ever.

Ever.


I never asked to fall in love with my ex, and i realized that my little mouse was inside me only after we broke up. It's getting weaker, tearing up my heart. I wish i could just euthinate the poor sucker, but I can't. But I know his little heart will always stay in me, and be locked away.......<sigh>

Originally posted by Steel
You see, IMO, love is just like a tiny living mouse in your heart. It comes from nowhere. But you like it, it's warm and fuzzy- as long as it's fed properly. Without food - or - love back, your mouse slowly dies, turns into a scruffy rat and tears at the inside of your heart for more food. Circumstances like finding out your significant other has been cheating on you, or something, is like putting a .22 to the little mousies head. It can kill it, or it can survive. There can also be more than one mouse living in there, but they always end up fighting, and only one or none are left alive. The fighting in itself tears up your heart. But when it does finally die, there is always a little part that becomes part of your own heart that you will never lose. Ever.

Ever.



Steel, I haven't heard it described more accurately. Two thumbs up Steel, two thumbs up. :(

Originally posted by 1989 DX R
Get the Sims. Its a whole lot easier than RL. :D

The single best investment I've ever made on a computer video game :D

Some great insights here. I'm of the school of thought that falling in love is something completely beyond your control (though I have heard of instances like the ones you sited, Yogs). I've had people in my life that I wanted so badly to love, so much to end this ridiculous struggle to find love, "the supposed answer to everything" (taking John Lennon at his word when he said "love is the answer"). But who am I kidding? Only myself, when I tried to convince myself that I was in love before. The problem is that you are supposed to know it when it hits. Well I've never known it. I just remind myself that you can't look for it - it will strike when I least expect it, just like a moment of clarity.

So, I guess if and when I actually do fall in love, I'll have a little more insightful commentary to share. Since the proof is in the pudding, I guess I still have got no fucking pudding. Because right now all I have is this image of the mythical carrot dangling in front of me.

JD I like your style of thinking, you must be a philosopher ;)

AF's "defender of rational thought" :ylsuper

Originally posted by JD@af
AF's "defender of rational thought" :ylsuper


JD is awesome, when it comes to stuff like this.:D:D:D:D

Originally posted by Moppie




No.

My Thoughts Exactly

Love:

If she looks good, she moves to the next round. If not, she is immediatly eliminated. Then I take a look at some of her other qualites. Is she smart (very important factor), maybe rich (not as important as she will be if she becomes mine ;) don't mean to brag), and so and so...

Then I can easily make a decision whether I love her or not. I can proudly say that I can choose my own love.

nonetheless, people usually choose who they love because of a specific "feature" that the person possesess, not the person in general. c'mon ladies, how many of you would choose a guy just because he looks like a brad pitt, or because he's got money to spend left and right.

I think I have made my point pretty clear, have a nice day :)

Love is blind. Looks don't factor in as much as i thought they did. Take my ex for example, now I usually hold really high looks standards when it comes to girls....but...with Nina, she really isn't the best looking girl in the school, not to say that she's ugly! just something i might normally not go for, and yet to ME she struck me with awe. She was (still is) gorgeous to me. (if anyone wants to see a pic, just say the word, im still proud of the fact that she was once mine, and so im willing to flaunt it)

anyhoo..i just lost my train of thought. Went down memory lane, ya know.

Originally posted by Moppie
No.
Originally posted by Moppie
Life would be a shit load easier if you could control it though.

but then if life was easy it would be boring.

:cool:
I concur... :)
It (like sh*t) happens... such as life. ;)

Originally posted by DantesInferno
Inspired by a movie I watched tonight...

Can you choose who you love?

Nope, it's all fate ;)