Married Life
Oz
08-10-2003, 07:47 AM
Why We Didn't Do It
To My Dear Wife,
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I
have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed
often.
1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times
2. It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times
3. Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . . . 49 times
4. It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times
5. It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
6. Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
7. The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . .3 times
8. Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes
9. Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 times
10. Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 times
11. Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 times
12. You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . 17 times
13. Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 6 times
14. New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 times
15. Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 times
16. Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
17. Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 times
Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because 2 times you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that there
was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it
over with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had
finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
To My Dear Husband,
I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the
real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.
1. Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat. . . . . . 15 times
2. Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
3. Did not cum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 times
4. Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times
5. Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . . . . .33 times
6. Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times
7. Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times
8. Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . . . . . . 29 times
9. Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls. . . 2 times
10. Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . . . . . . .4 times
11. Caught a cold and your nose kept running. . . . . . .3 times
12. Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . . . .3 times
13. You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . . . 2 times
14. Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book. . . . .16 times
15. Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 times
16. Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times
Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because
you were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the
ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling.
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
breathe!!
To My Dear Wife,
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I
have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed
often.
1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times
2. It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times
3. Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . . . 49 times
4. It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times
5. It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
6. Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
7. The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . .3 times
8. Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes
9. Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 times
10. Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 times
11. Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 times
12. You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . 17 times
13. Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 6 times
14. New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 times
15. Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 times
16. Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
17. Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 times
Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because 2 times you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that there
was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it
over with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had
finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
To My Dear Husband,
I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the
real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.
1. Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat. . . . . . 15 times
2. Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
3. Did not cum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 times
4. Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times
5. Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . . . . .33 times
6. Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times
7. Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times
8. Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . . . . . . 29 times
9. Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls. . . 2 times
10. Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . . . . . . .4 times
11. Caught a cold and your nose kept running. . . . . . .3 times
12. Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . . . .3 times
13. You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . . . 2 times
14. Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book. . . . .16 times
15. Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 times
16. Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times
Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because
you were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the
ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling.
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
breathe!!
dayna240sx
08-10-2003, 12:59 PM
sucks to be you.
Or atleast whoever wrote this...
Or atleast whoever wrote this...
YogsVR4
08-10-2003, 09:01 PM
:smile: classic :icon16:
Haibane
08-10-2003, 09:37 PM
:repost:
RazorGTR
08-10-2003, 10:53 PM
Originally posted by Haibane
:repost:
WHO CARES!!!!! :nutkick:
OZ bloody funny mate :iceslolan
:repost:
WHO CARES!!!!! :nutkick:
OZ bloody funny mate :iceslolan
slave
08-11-2003, 01:24 AM
Looks like my journal!
Oz
08-11-2003, 02:58 AM
Originally posted by Haibane
:repost:
:repost:
RazorGTR
08-11-2003, 11:49 AM
teh OZ :owned: JoO!
KatWoman
08-11-2003, 12:32 PM
:lol2: @ the letters and the license plate on that car :spit:
tonioseven
08-11-2003, 10:49 PM
:spit: @Oz!:bigthumb: How ironic that I read this post on my second wedding anniversary!!:icon16: I get punched when I fart in the bed!:dunno:
90EX
08-12-2003, 03:47 PM
I loved the wife's reply, I had to explain to the guy in the next cube why I was laughing out loud.
LanEvo
08-12-2003, 05:02 PM
Hhahahahaa, that was soo funny.
Haibane, you got
C:\My Documents\My Pictures\OWN3D.jpg
Hahaha, the original joke was pretty funny, but the STFU PLZ img was better.
did anyone actauly check the math on the number of days?
Haibane, you got
C:\My Documents\My Pictures\OWN3D.jpg
Hahaha, the original joke was pretty funny, but the STFU PLZ img was better.
did anyone actauly check the math on the number of days?
TheNotoriousMogg
08-12-2003, 05:16 PM
seen it before....but still a good one :iceslolan
Automotive Network, Inc., Copyright ©2026