Jokes

A married couple are driving along a motorway doing 60 MPH, the husband
behind the wheel.

His wife suddenly looks over at him and says, Honey, I know we've been
married for twenty years, but I want a divorce"

The husband says nothing but slowly increases his speed to 70 MPH. She
then says, "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, because I've
been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a lot better at
sex
than you."
Again the husband stays quiet but speeds up more as his anger increases.

"I want the house," she insists, pushing her luck.

Again the husband speeds up, now to 80 MPH. She says "I want the car
too !
" but he just keeps driving faster and
faster. By now he's up to 90 MPH. "And I want the bank accounts and all
the credit cards"

The husband starts to veer towards the central reservation. This makes
her a little nervous so she asks nervously
"Isn't there anything you want dear?"

The husband replies "No, I've got everything I need darling"

"Oh really," she says, "so what have you got?"

Just before they smash into the central reservation at 100 MPH, the
husband smiles and says "The f***ing airbag !

__________________________________________________ ___


A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he
is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint.

"Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?"
The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you."

So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope."

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this, go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog,

"Will you marry me?"

The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO."

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. "WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!"

But it was still too long at 20 inches, so he decided to ask the frog to marry him again. "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"

The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was
another 5 inches shorter.

The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis
again,15 inches long, and reflected for a moment.

Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal.

Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"

The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you?

NO, NO, NO!!!"

NO! NO! NO!



LOL
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA:biggrin:

I bet that guy ended up like me :frown:

LOL, that frog one was great :bigthumb: :lol: