The 100 highs and 10 lows of being a guy
Jimster
06-02-2003, 05:36 AM
10 THINGS THAT ROXXORS ABOUT BEING A GUY
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don’t give a shit whether you’ve lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall at every shot of someone crying.
Your ass is never a factor in job interviews.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut doesn’t make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you (unless you hit them into the boards).
You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff everywhere you go.
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticised, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humour in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
You never have to clean a toilet.
You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
The National Cheerleading Championship.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry.
You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
If you’re 34 and single, nobody even notices.
You can write your own name in the snow.
You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face gets to stay its original colour.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president (In this lifetime).
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything ("Wow, my balls really hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn’t live in our universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader’s coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth (most of the time anyway).
You don’t give a rat’s ass if anyone notices your haircut.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me".
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover’s about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time!
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another gas station just because this one’s just too icky.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you’re wearing.
Same work… more pay!
Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.
You don’t have to leave the room for an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding dress: $2000; Tuxedo rental: $75.
You don’t care if someone’s talking about you behind your back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don’t mooch of others’ desserts.
If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
The remote control is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
ESPN’s Sportscenter.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
Bachelor parties whoop ass over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the storekeeper imagining you naked.
You don't need to pretend you’re "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your other friend you’ve changed.
Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "Fuck it".
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Di’s death is just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
New shoes don’t blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person doesn’t preclude having great sex with them.
Your friends can be trusted never to trap you with: "So… notice anything different?"
Baywatch.
There’s always a game on somewhere.
10 THINGS THAT SUCK ABOUT BEING A GUY
You have to take out the garbage.
The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000 US.
No sofas in your restrooms.
External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.
Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood chipper, you’re not allowed to cry.
James Bond movies only come out every two years.
Ribbed for her pleasure – not yours.
You have to wear ties.
You can’t flirt your way out of a jam.
"Women and children first
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don’t give a shit whether you’ve lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall at every shot of someone crying.
Your ass is never a factor in job interviews.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut doesn’t make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you (unless you hit them into the boards).
You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff everywhere you go.
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticised, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humour in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
You never have to clean a toilet.
You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
The National Cheerleading Championship.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry.
You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
If you’re 34 and single, nobody even notices.
You can write your own name in the snow.
You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face gets to stay its original colour.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president (In this lifetime).
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything ("Wow, my balls really hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn’t live in our universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader’s coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth (most of the time anyway).
You don’t give a rat’s ass if anyone notices your haircut.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me".
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover’s about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time!
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another gas station just because this one’s just too icky.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you’re wearing.
Same work… more pay!
Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.
You don’t have to leave the room for an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding dress: $2000; Tuxedo rental: $75.
You don’t care if someone’s talking about you behind your back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don’t mooch of others’ desserts.
If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
The remote control is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
ESPN’s Sportscenter.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
Bachelor parties whoop ass over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the storekeeper imagining you naked.
You don't need to pretend you’re "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your other friend you’ve changed.
Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "Fuck it".
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Di’s death is just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
New shoes don’t blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person doesn’t preclude having great sex with them.
Your friends can be trusted never to trap you with: "So… notice anything different?"
Baywatch.
There’s always a game on somewhere.
10 THINGS THAT SUCK ABOUT BEING A GUY
You have to take out the garbage.
The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000 US.
No sofas in your restrooms.
External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.
Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood chipper, you’re not allowed to cry.
James Bond movies only come out every two years.
Ribbed for her pleasure – not yours.
You have to wear ties.
You can’t flirt your way out of a jam.
"Women and children first
Oz
06-02-2003, 05:40 AM
:lol2::ylsuper
Absolutely on the money.
Absolutely on the money.
Toksin
06-02-2003, 05:51 AM
W3rd.
Neutrino
06-02-2003, 06:03 AM
Originally posted by Oz
:lol2::ylsuper
Absolutely on the money.
ditto
:lol2::ylsuper
Absolutely on the money.
ditto
drklver
06-02-2003, 11:21 AM
:thumbup:
stubacca
06-02-2003, 11:37 AM
r0XX0rZ!!!
esp
06-02-2003, 11:43 AM
oh so true.
B16 SiRII
06-02-2003, 06:10 PM
:cwn27: right on! Not much is bad about being a guy!
KatWoman
06-02-2003, 07:21 PM
I guess God broke the mold when he made me :D :D :D
You have to take out the garbage. - I take out the garbage :p
The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000 US. - If I had the money first, I'd get Alex one.
Ribbed for her pleasure – not yours. - He is the kind of guy who would put it on inside out for HIS pleasure. See below.
You can’t flirt your way out of a jam. - He has a way of making me crack up so an argument never lasts more than 30 seconds.
You have to take out the garbage. - I take out the garbage :p
The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000 US. - If I had the money first, I'd get Alex one.
Ribbed for her pleasure – not yours. - He is the kind of guy who would put it on inside out for HIS pleasure. See below.
You can’t flirt your way out of a jam. - He has a way of making me crack up so an argument never lasts more than 30 seconds.
2strokebloke
06-02-2003, 07:42 PM
Not everyboyd gets the garage to himself:( ("do you want us to look like rednecks?...")
But you do know how to use a screwdriver (I found myself explaining to the fairer sex today that you have to turn it left to loose...:D )
But you do know how to use a screwdriver (I found myself explaining to the fairer sex today that you have to turn it left to loose...:D )
Heep
06-02-2003, 07:53 PM
Originally posted by Jimster
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
I don't get the Stripes one :confused:
But that second one applies to both genders in the lovely province of Ontario :D
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
I don't get the Stripes one :confused:
But that second one applies to both genders in the lovely province of Ontario :D
Sean
06-02-2003, 07:58 PM
getting my external genetalia stuck in an idustrail wood chipper is my worst fear... :(
Originally posted by 2strokebloke
But you do know how to use a screwdriver (I found myself explaining to the fairer sex today that you have to turn it left to loose...:D )
thats easy! Left Loose, Right Tight!
Originally posted by 2strokebloke
But you do know how to use a screwdriver (I found myself explaining to the fairer sex today that you have to turn it left to loose...:D )
thats easy! Left Loose, Right Tight!
S Brake
06-02-2003, 08:42 PM
slave
06-02-2003, 09:06 PM
Ha ha, thats great. I like the one "You know stuff about tanks" thats a great one cause its one of the ones girls dont get. :p
taranaki
06-02-2003, 09:20 PM
If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
Amen.Driveshaft,Mazda Luce,2 hours ago.
Downside#11 -
You get to have your genitals ripped out through your wallet if you ever decide that you want a divorce.
Amen.Driveshaft,Mazda Luce,2 hours ago.
Downside#11 -
You get to have your genitals ripped out through your wallet if you ever decide that you want a divorce.
2strokebloke
06-02-2003, 10:07 PM
... or wrap it with a couple yards of duct-tape. (no has nothing to do with #11, before that, pervert...)
Haibane
06-02-2003, 10:33 PM
I think you forgot one thing that sucks,
Girls can twist your nipples and get away with it
you do something like that to them and it is sexual assault.
and along the same lines of being vulnerable, it sucks if a girl is PMSing one day and just feels like hitting a guy in the balls. Lucky for me the second one only happens to my friend.
Girls can twist your nipples and get away with it
you do something like that to them and it is sexual assault.
and along the same lines of being vulnerable, it sucks if a girl is PMSing one day and just feels like hitting a guy in the balls. Lucky for me the second one only happens to my friend.
Suislide
06-02-2003, 10:34 PM
Originally posted by Haibane
I think you forgot one thing that sucks,
Girls can twist your nipples and get away with it
you do something like that to them and it is sexual assault.
and along the same lines of being vulnerable, it sucks if a girl is PMSing one day and just feels like hitting a guy in the balls. Lucky for me the second one only happens to my friend.
i can twist nipples and get away with it unscathed, so long as i know the girl prior to said twisting. she might smack be back, but that's usually all i get for it. :devil:
I think you forgot one thing that sucks,
Girls can twist your nipples and get away with it
you do something like that to them and it is sexual assault.
and along the same lines of being vulnerable, it sucks if a girl is PMSing one day and just feels like hitting a guy in the balls. Lucky for me the second one only happens to my friend.
i can twist nipples and get away with it unscathed, so long as i know the girl prior to said twisting. she might smack be back, but that's usually all i get for it. :devil:
Graphik Styles
06-02-2003, 10:40 PM
just a question........isnt there a law that says if a girl hits you three times that you can hit them back then...........
Heep
06-02-2003, 11:26 PM
Originally posted by De$i Gank$ta
just a question........isnt there a law that says if a girl hits you three times that you can hit them back then...........
I don't think that's a law, I think that's like a Fight Club quote or something :p
just a question........isnt there a law that says if a girl hits you three times that you can hit them back then...........
I don't think that's a law, I think that's like a Fight Club quote or something :p
YellowMaranello
06-02-2003, 11:28 PM
Originally posted by De$i Gank$ta
just a question........isnt there a law that says if a girl hits you three times that you can hit them back then...........
I vaugely remember hearing that too....
just a question........isnt there a law that says if a girl hits you three times that you can hit them back then...........
I vaugely remember hearing that too....
Heep
06-02-2003, 11:36 PM
Originally posted by YellowMaranello
I vaugely remember hearing that too....
Actually I think it was me that said it...
lol
I vaugely remember hearing that too....
Actually I think it was me that said it...
lol
Oz
06-03-2003, 01:50 AM
Originally posted by Haibane
I think you forgot one thing that sucks,
Girls can twist your nipples and get away with it
you do something like that to them and it is sexual assault.
and along the same lines of being vulnerable, it sucks if a girl is PMSing one day and just feels like hitting a guy in the balls. Lucky for me the second one only happens to my friend.
Do it to a cow, it's an occupation. Do it to a cow who can speak English and walk upright and it's assault. :confused:
Teh Oz is confused.
I think you forgot one thing that sucks,
Girls can twist your nipples and get away with it
you do something like that to them and it is sexual assault.
and along the same lines of being vulnerable, it sucks if a girl is PMSing one day and just feels like hitting a guy in the balls. Lucky for me the second one only happens to my friend.
Do it to a cow, it's an occupation. Do it to a cow who can speak English and walk upright and it's assault. :confused:
Teh Oz is confused.
YogsVR4
06-03-2003, 09:58 AM
Who has to wear ties? :D
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Haibane
06-03-2003, 09:59 AM
Originally posted by YogsVR4
Who has to wear ties? :D
last i checked, ties are worth it.
Tie+suit= hot chick coming your way
Who has to wear ties? :D
last i checked, ties are worth it.
Tie+suit= hot chick coming your way
taranaki
06-03-2003, 10:08 AM
If I'm not wearing a tie,I look like a scruffy old git.:(
If I am wearing a tie,I look like a scruffy old git in a tie.........:D
If I am wearing a tie,I look like a scruffy old git in a tie.........:D
LSR
06-03-2003, 12:20 PM
Did you mentione that most of p*rn on the net is for men :D
Oh, and men can handle power - powerful cars.
Oh, and men can handle power - powerful cars.
Heep
06-03-2003, 02:09 PM
Originally posted by taranaki
If I'm not wearing a tie,I look like a scruffy old git.:(
If I am wearing a tie,I look like a scruffy old git in a tie.........:D
Haha, nice one :lol2:
If I'm not wearing a tie,I look like a scruffy old git.:(
If I am wearing a tie,I look like a scruffy old git in a tie.........:D
Haha, nice one :lol2:
Toksin
06-03-2003, 04:10 PM
Originally posted by De$i Gank$ta
just a question........isnt there a law that says if a girl hits you three times that you can hit them back then...........
I say that a guy better run like hell if I ever see him hitting a girl,no matter how many times she hits him.
just a question........isnt there a law that says if a girl hits you three times that you can hit them back then...........
I say that a guy better run like hell if I ever see him hitting a girl,no matter how many times she hits him.
freakray
06-03-2003, 04:30 PM
Originally posted by Toksin
I say that a guy better run like hell if I ever see him hitting a girl,no matter how many times she hits him.
:thumbup:
knobkieries at dawn?
Damn South Africans always think they're tougher than they are :finger:
I say that a guy better run like hell if I ever see him hitting a girl,no matter how many times she hits him.
:thumbup:
knobkieries at dawn?
Damn South Africans always think they're tougher than they are :finger:
Haibane
06-03-2003, 04:35 PM
Originally posted by freakray
knobkieries at dawn?
What does that mean?
knobkieries at dawn?
What does that mean?
gigatron
06-03-2003, 05:35 PM
LoL that's a great list ;) What about a list about what's great about being a girl rofl (parody plz)
freakray
06-03-2003, 06:51 PM
Originally posted by Haibane
What does that mean?
Mind your own business nOOb, you couldn't understand not to post in that other thread, what makes you think you will understand what it means?
[ on knees ]Please God, make the dumb n00b's go away [ /on knees ]
What does that mean?
Mind your own business nOOb, you couldn't understand not to post in that other thread, what makes you think you will understand what it means?
[ on knees ]Please God, make the dumb n00b's go away [ /on knees ]
Jozie
06-03-2003, 07:16 PM
hahaha! That is funny... now someone needs to make a list for the us ladies... :D
grimmy
06-03-2003, 09:29 PM
now now freakray, my calendar says that june is be nice to n00b month. Or at least tolerate them. :D
freakray
06-03-2003, 09:37 PM
Originally posted by grimmy
now now freakray, my calendar says that june is be nice to n00b month. Or at least tolerate them. :D
*checks grimmy's calendar*
Dude, you got it on 2004 already, you're looking at the wrong year :rolleyes:
now now freakray, my calendar says that june is be nice to n00b month. Or at least tolerate them. :D
*checks grimmy's calendar*
Dude, you got it on 2004 already, you're looking at the wrong year :rolleyes:
Damien
06-03-2003, 10:11 PM
Nice to n00bs!?! I'm compused... :confused:
Hey..when childern do come, garbage isn't an issue anymore...well, for awhile it is :bloated:
Hey..when childern do come, garbage isn't an issue anymore...well, for awhile it is :bloated:
tonioseven
06-03-2003, 10:33 PM
Originally posted by snowboarder
http://files.automotiveforums.com/uploads/596436cbg.jpg :coolguy: :coolguy: :coolguy: :coolguy: :coolguy:
http://files.automotiveforums.com/uploads/596436cbg.jpg :coolguy: :coolguy: :coolguy: :coolguy: :coolguy:
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