Difference between a mans and a womans oil change...
kris
11-07-2001, 02:42 AM
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00.
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: Gets hot oil on you in
process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992
in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4150.00
But you know the job was done right!
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00.
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: Gets hot oil on you in
process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992
in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4150.00
But you know the job was done right!
primera man
11-07-2001, 05:43 AM
:D :D ....ITS ALMOST THAT TRUE YOU HAVE TO LAUGH !!!
DVSNCYNIKL
11-07-2001, 08:55 AM
I agree!:D:D
Rich
11-07-2001, 09:18 AM
Its All soo true.
Originally posted by kbslacker
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
Ive actually had to do this. The oil wasnt in a hole in the yard, but it was in a 5 gallon pail that was almost full of oil.
My idea....Use a funnel with a screen and pour the oil in until the plug is found in the funnel. Problem. The screen was soo thin that the damn oil barely went through and I ended up with more on the ground than ever. Shit like that makes me want to start drinking :D
Originally posted by kbslacker
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
Ive actually had to do this. The oil wasnt in a hole in the yard, but it was in a 5 gallon pail that was almost full of oil.
My idea....Use a funnel with a screen and pour the oil in until the plug is found in the funnel. Problem. The screen was soo thin that the damn oil barely went through and I ended up with more on the ground than ever. Shit like that makes me want to start drinking :D
KatWoman
11-07-2001, 10:59 AM
Originally posted by kbslacker
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
:jump: :angel:
Do I get any brownie points for providing my own oil? I bring in Mobil 1 synthetic and a Mobil filter for them to use hehe.
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
:jump: :angel:
Do I get any brownie points for providing my own oil? I bring in Mobil 1 synthetic and a Mobil filter for them to use hehe.
DVSNCYNIKL
11-07-2001, 11:23 AM
Originally posted by KatWoman
:jump: :angel:
Do I get any brownie points for providing my own oil? I bring in Mobil 1 synthetic and a Mobil filter for them to use hehe.
I guess we could let you slide. But you have to bring beer too and belch.:D:Dj/k
:jump: :angel:
Do I get any brownie points for providing my own oil? I bring in Mobil 1 synthetic and a Mobil filter for them to use hehe.
I guess we could let you slide. But you have to bring beer too and belch.:D:Dj/k
Heep
11-07-2001, 11:32 AM
Originally posted by HuMMerMan
Ive actually had to do this. The oil wasnt in a hole in the yard, but it was in a 5 gallon pail that was almost full of oil.
My idea....Use a funnel with a screen and pour the oil in until the plug is found in the funnel. Problem. The screen was soo thin that the damn oil barely went through and I ended up with more on the ground than ever. Shit like that makes me want to start drinking :D
Hah, same here. When I was working at a Ford dealer, I dropped a drain plug into the big oil drum. My solution: fish around in the drum with a telescopic magnet thing. Retrieved the plug within 30 seconds.
Ive actually had to do this. The oil wasnt in a hole in the yard, but it was in a 5 gallon pail that was almost full of oil.
My idea....Use a funnel with a screen and pour the oil in until the plug is found in the funnel. Problem. The screen was soo thin that the damn oil barely went through and I ended up with more on the ground than ever. Shit like that makes me want to start drinking :D
Hah, same here. When I was working at a Ford dealer, I dropped a drain plug into the big oil drum. My solution: fish around in the drum with a telescopic magnet thing. Retrieved the plug within 30 seconds.
speediva
11-07-2001, 12:21 PM
*lol* I just had my oil changed at Valvoline 2 days ago! :lol2:
But normally I help my dad change my oil. This time, I was over on my mileage and I didn't want to risk driving around on dirty, nasty oil, so I payed up. $40 for the partial synthetic oil change (I would have gone full synthetic, but I figured my G could live for another 3000 miles before I went all out :D )
But normally I help my dad change my oil. This time, I was over on my mileage and I didn't want to risk driving around on dirty, nasty oil, so I payed up. $40 for the partial synthetic oil change (I would have gone full synthetic, but I figured my G could live for another 3000 miles before I went all out :D )
MercCougarXR7
11-07-2001, 08:14 PM
That list is semi-accurate :).
Ah - I've got it down pat though. I come home with my oil+filter, get the ramps, wrenchs, and I'm set. Takes about 5 minutes :).
Ah - I've got it down pat though. I come home with my oil+filter, get the ramps, wrenchs, and I'm set. Takes about 5 minutes :).
Steel
11-07-2001, 08:25 PM
8000 miles without an oil change and still going strong!!
:( but, its not MY car, so if my dad wants to change the oil only every 12,000 miles, hey, he can ruin an almost perfectly good V6 engine. Im buying my sisters civic soon, and she takes care of her car :)
:( but, its not MY car, so if my dad wants to change the oil only every 12,000 miles, hey, he can ruin an almost perfectly good V6 engine. Im buying my sisters civic soon, and she takes care of her car :)
primera man
11-07-2001, 10:28 PM
Originally posted by kbslacker
[B
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
[/B]
Well to be honest i have done this at work on a locomotive.
Now these big suckers hold 800litres of oil........lets just say that this loco needed 1100litres to fill. :bloated: :bloated:
Dick of the week to P.Man :bloated: :bloated:
[B
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
[/B]
Well to be honest i have done this at work on a locomotive.
Now these big suckers hold 800litres of oil........lets just say that this loco needed 1100litres to fill. :bloated: :bloated:
Dick of the week to P.Man :bloated: :bloated:
Moppie
11-08-2001, 03:54 AM
Originally posted by primera man
Now these big suckers hold 800litres of oil........lets just say that this loco needed 1100litres to fill. :bloated: :bloated:
:eek2: :eek2:
How did you explain that one? 300L of oil isn't something you can just mop with an old rag!!!
FUCK thats a lot oil!!
-->moppie stop thinking about how much oil that is!!!!<--
Damn. ok.
But man thats a lot of OIL! :eek:
Now these big suckers hold 800litres of oil........lets just say that this loco needed 1100litres to fill. :bloated: :bloated:
:eek2: :eek2:
How did you explain that one? 300L of oil isn't something you can just mop with an old rag!!!
FUCK thats a lot oil!!
-->moppie stop thinking about how much oil that is!!!!<--
Damn. ok.
But man thats a lot of OIL! :eek:
primera man
11-08-2001, 04:08 AM
Originally posted by Moppie
:eek2: :eek2:
How did you explain that one? 300L of oil isn't something you can just mop with an old rag!!!
FUCK thats a lot oil!!
-->moppie stop thinking about how much oil that is!!!!<--
Damn. ok.
But man thats a lot of OIL! :eek:
We have huge underground tanks to take up a big spill like this. It all drains into these tanks then we pump it back into waste trucks.
I had a fair bit of talking to do !!!
I want say anything about the 3500 litres of diesel i lost either. :bloated:
:eek2: :eek2:
How did you explain that one? 300L of oil isn't something you can just mop with an old rag!!!
FUCK thats a lot oil!!
-->moppie stop thinking about how much oil that is!!!!<--
Damn. ok.
But man thats a lot of OIL! :eek:
We have huge underground tanks to take up a big spill like this. It all drains into these tanks then we pump it back into waste trucks.
I had a fair bit of talking to do !!!
I want say anything about the 3500 litres of diesel i lost either. :bloated:
Moppie
11-08-2001, 04:19 AM
Originally posted by primera man
We have huge underground tanks to take up a big spill like this. It all drains into these tanks then we pump it back into waste trucks.
I had a fair bit of talking to do !!!
I want say anything about the 3500 litres of diesel i lost either. :bloated:
:eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek:
I know how much and how far 3,500l of desiel would spread!!!!!!
:eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek:
We have huge underground tanks to take up a big spill like this. It all drains into these tanks then we pump it back into waste trucks.
I had a fair bit of talking to do !!!
I want say anything about the 3500 litres of diesel i lost either. :bloated:
:eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek:
I know how much and how far 3,500l of desiel would spread!!!!!!
:eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek2: :eek: :eek:
primera man
11-08-2001, 04:38 AM
The loco got hit by a wagon and put a large hole in the diesel tank in the shunting yard.
There was nothing i could do to stop the leak.
So im standing there watching the diesel pouring into the ground and i'm thinking, "this is good, its soaking up real good into the ground...cool, i'll tell the boss in the morning"(its 11pm at night).
I get a ring in the morning to go and explain or else !!
What i didnt know.......there was a underground stream right under neath the spill and the diesel was running straight into it.... it fucked the stream and the wild life.....all 3,500l of it
:eek: :eek: :eek:
It made the front of our paper that night
There was nothing i could do to stop the leak.
So im standing there watching the diesel pouring into the ground and i'm thinking, "this is good, its soaking up real good into the ground...cool, i'll tell the boss in the morning"(its 11pm at night).
I get a ring in the morning to go and explain or else !!
What i didnt know.......there was a underground stream right under neath the spill and the diesel was running straight into it.... it fucked the stream and the wild life.....all 3,500l of it
:eek: :eek: :eek:
It made the front of our paper that night
Moppie
11-08-2001, 04:42 AM
Warren I am almost completly speachless!
:eek:
:eek:
primera man
11-08-2001, 04:53 AM
Originally posted by Moppie
Warren I am almost completly speachless!
:eek:
I could not beleive the shit i got into.
1....never rang the fire brigade
2....OSH got involved in it.
3...City Council fried my arse
4...the clean up bill was thousands of $$$$
5....some land environment people got envoled
Very bad day for me !!!
Warren I am almost completly speachless!
:eek:
I could not beleive the shit i got into.
1....never rang the fire brigade
2....OSH got involved in it.
3...City Council fried my arse
4...the clean up bill was thousands of $$$$
5....some land environment people got envoled
Very bad day for me !!!
Moppie
11-08-2001, 05:06 AM
I amazed you kept your job!
Bloody hell man! did you get prosocuted? or did the railways protect thier own?
Iv been working in a gas station when we have had big spills, and the 1st thing you do is call the firebrigade!!!!!!!! and then get the spill kit out and shut everything down. We've let customers drive off with free gas just to clear the place out.
But there was never more than about 500L spilled.
3,500L though DAMN :eek: thats a bloody big spilll!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bloody hell man! did you get prosocuted? or did the railways protect thier own?
Iv been working in a gas station when we have had big spills, and the 1st thing you do is call the firebrigade!!!!!!!! and then get the spill kit out and shut everything down. We've let customers drive off with free gas just to clear the place out.
But there was never more than about 500L spilled.
3,500L though DAMN :eek: thats a bloody big spilll!!!!!!!!!!!!!
primera man
11-08-2001, 05:19 AM
Yeah i was lucky that the next change over guy got the fire guy and a city council worker down after i left and they said the same as me "looks to be soaking away well....we will check it again in the morning"....so it covered my arse as well.
Seraph
11-08-2001, 06:07 AM
I guess I am one of the endangered species that gets his oil changed in a garage. It just turns out cheaper and less time-consuming. The only downside is that sometimes the clowns at the garage overfill it with oil, but its fine most of the time...
gang$tarr
11-08-2001, 05:42 PM
you can buy beer at 7-11?!?!?! :confused: :confused:
here there are only 2 different stores you can buy alcohol at, LCBO for all different kinds of alcohols. and the Beer Store that only sells all different kinds of beer. It's illegal for any other store to sell alcohol
here there are only 2 different stores you can buy alcohol at, LCBO for all different kinds of alcohols. and the Beer Store that only sells all different kinds of beer. It's illegal for any other store to sell alcohol
verboom
11-08-2001, 05:53 PM
Hey gang$tarr, I assume you've never been to Quebec. They will sell alcohol at any and every store there.
gang$tarr
11-08-2001, 07:08 PM
yeah i mean in Ontario :mad:
oh well :D
they have like anything and everything at LCBO... any kind of import alcohol possible :D
oh well :D
they have like anything and everything at LCBO... any kind of import alcohol possible :D
MercCougarXR7
11-08-2001, 07:34 PM
It's illegal for any other store to sell alcohol
You haven't been grocery shopping lately then, eh :)?
Just about every grocery store carries wines, and some carry no-name Beer (though I don't imagine that stuff sells well...).
You haven't been grocery shopping lately then, eh :)?
Just about every grocery store carries wines, and some carry no-name Beer (though I don't imagine that stuff sells well...).
Moppie
11-08-2001, 08:57 PM
Originally posted by gang$tarr
you can buy beer at 7-11?!?!?! :confused: :confused:
here there are only 2 different stores you can buy alcohol at, LCBO for all different kinds of alcohols. and the Beer Store that only sells all different kinds of beer. It's illegal for any other store to sell alcohol
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
http://www.users.qwest.net/~bkc3/+junk/stopsubject.jpg
you can buy beer at 7-11?!?!?! :confused: :confused:
here there are only 2 different stores you can buy alcohol at, LCBO for all different kinds of alcohols. and the Beer Store that only sells all different kinds of beer. It's illegal for any other store to sell alcohol
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
http://www.users.qwest.net/~bkc3/+junk/stopsubject.jpg
Rich
11-08-2001, 10:44 PM
Originally posted by Moppie
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
http://www.users.qwest.net/~bkc3/+junk/stopsubject.jpg
STOP SHOWING THAT DAMN UGLY PIC
:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
http://www.users.qwest.net/~bkc3/+junk/stopsubject.jpg
STOP SHOWING THAT DAMN UGLY PIC
gang$tarr
11-09-2001, 08:02 PM
Originally posted by MercCougarXR7
You haven't been grocery shopping lately then, eh :)?
Just about every grocery store carries wines, and some carry no-name Beer (though I don't imagine that stuff sells well...).
In Ontario it is illegal to sell any beer with alcohol in any store besides LCBO and Beer Store. Even grocery stores aren't allowed to cell .5% alcohol anymore, they used to.
But sometimes they have special wine shops, those are licenced by LCBO though (just like bars and restaurants)
I just had to learn about all this crap
You haven't been grocery shopping lately then, eh :)?
Just about every grocery store carries wines, and some carry no-name Beer (though I don't imagine that stuff sells well...).
In Ontario it is illegal to sell any beer with alcohol in any store besides LCBO and Beer Store. Even grocery stores aren't allowed to cell .5% alcohol anymore, they used to.
But sometimes they have special wine shops, those are licenced by LCBO though (just like bars and restaurants)
I just had to learn about all this crap
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