Some funnies
Oz
05-22-2003, 07:24 AM
Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to stand on a chair & hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again".
---
There are only ten times in history when the "F" word has been
acceptable for use:
10. "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Look at all them fucking Indians!" - Custer, 1877
8. "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagorus, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered fucking showers....My ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck's going to find out?"- Bill Clinton,1999
And number 1 . . .
1. "Shit , I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad." - Osama bin
Laden,
2001
The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again".
---
There are only ten times in history when the "F" word has been
acceptable for use:
10. "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Look at all them fucking Indians!" - Custer, 1877
8. "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagorus, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered fucking showers....My ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the fuck's going to find out?"- Bill Clinton,1999
And number 1 . . .
1. "Shit , I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad." - Osama bin
Laden,
2001
tonioseven
05-22-2003, 08:28 AM
:spit: Fuckin' funny!!!:cool:
suzymatt
05-22-2003, 09:22 AM
fuckin great!
drklver
05-22-2003, 09:25 AM
OZ, you are the fuckin master!!!:D
YogsVR4
05-22-2003, 10:14 AM
Thats more like it OZ! :hehehe:
BigJustinZ28
05-22-2003, 02:34 PM
fuckin hilarious , smack me again !!!
90CorollaSR5
05-22-2003, 02:40 PM
Haha, the second one is hilarious. :D
sidewinder69
05-22-2003, 02:51 PM
W3RD the second bunch of jokes is a lot funnier than the first.
Lat.......DAMNIT~!!!!!
Lat.......DAMNIT~!!!!!
Gafoto
05-22-2003, 02:59 PM
Good work oz :hehehe:
Lat.......DAMNIT~!!!!!
At least TRY to break the habit...:rolleyes:
Lat.......DAMNIT~!!!!!
At least TRY to break the habit...:rolleyes:
grimmy
05-22-2003, 08:51 PM
now that was funny
laters!
hehehehehe
laters!
hehehehehe
Marc04
05-22-2003, 10:20 PM
those are really funny:D :D
here are a few more
Gay Gene Isolated, Ostracized
BALTIMORE—On Friday, scientists at Johns Hopkins University isolated the gene which causes homosexuality in human males, promptly separating it from normal, heterosexual genes. "I had suspected that gene was queer for a long time now. There was just something not quite right about it," team leader Dr. Norbert Reynolds said. "It's a good thing we isolated it—I wouldn't want that faggot-ass gene messing with the straight ones." Among the factors Reynolds cited as evidence of the gene's gayness were its pinkish hue, meticulously frilly perimeter, and faint but distinct perfume-like odor.
=Shit Parking Ticket Fuck
FUCKIN’ DOWNTOWN—After stopping for like 10 goddamn minutes at the west-side post office, local resident Dave Shore got a motherfucking parking ticket in the amount of 35 fucking goddamn dollars Monday, fuck. Where were the goddamn cops when the dude stole the hubcaps off of Shore’s light brown 1992 Escort last year, the 27-year-old line cook would reportedly like to fucking know. The ticket, which Shore will have to work five whole fucking hours at his shitty fucking job just to pay, was placed on his vehicle by the asshole fucking Nazi parking patrol shortly after noon. Jesus fuck.
here are a few more
Gay Gene Isolated, Ostracized
BALTIMORE—On Friday, scientists at Johns Hopkins University isolated the gene which causes homosexuality in human males, promptly separating it from normal, heterosexual genes. "I had suspected that gene was queer for a long time now. There was just something not quite right about it," team leader Dr. Norbert Reynolds said. "It's a good thing we isolated it—I wouldn't want that faggot-ass gene messing with the straight ones." Among the factors Reynolds cited as evidence of the gene's gayness were its pinkish hue, meticulously frilly perimeter, and faint but distinct perfume-like odor.
=Shit Parking Ticket Fuck
FUCKIN’ DOWNTOWN—After stopping for like 10 goddamn minutes at the west-side post office, local resident Dave Shore got a motherfucking parking ticket in the amount of 35 fucking goddamn dollars Monday, fuck. Where were the goddamn cops when the dude stole the hubcaps off of Shore’s light brown 1992 Escort last year, the 27-year-old line cook would reportedly like to fucking know. The ticket, which Shore will have to work five whole fucking hours at his shitty fucking job just to pay, was placed on his vehicle by the asshole fucking Nazi parking patrol shortly after noon. Jesus fuck.
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