A Few Goodies.
Suislide
05-17-2003, 07:56 PM
A student comes to a young professor's office after hours. She
glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully
into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... **anything**!!!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Yes,... Anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study???"
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Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:
10. Nuts! ...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to
be desired
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but
isn't:
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just
sits there!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
HUSBAND: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
WIFE: "That's a good idea. Why don't YOU stand by the sink and do the dishes, and I'll sit on the sofa and fart!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said,
"DAMN! That's the ugliest fuckin' baby I've EVER seen!"
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an
aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and
started getting really worked up. The man seated next to her sensed
that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Hey! He's a public servant and he
shouldn't say things to insult the passengers."
"You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and
give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling
by train to a conference. At the station, the three
accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three
engineers only buy one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their
respective seats but all three engineers cram into a
rest room and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the
restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea.
So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy
the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the
return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't
buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one
perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.
When they board the train all three accountants cram into
a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one
nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom
and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are
hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"
glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully
into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... **anything**!!!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Yes,... Anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study???"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:
10. Nuts! ...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to
be desired
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but
isn't:
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just
sits there!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
HUSBAND: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
WIFE: "That's a good idea. Why don't YOU stand by the sink and do the dishes, and I'll sit on the sofa and fart!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said,
"DAMN! That's the ugliest fuckin' baby I've EVER seen!"
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an
aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and
started getting really worked up. The man seated next to her sensed
that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Hey! He's a public servant and he
shouldn't say things to insult the passengers."
"You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and
give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling
by train to a conference. At the station, the three
accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three
engineers only buy one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their
respective seats but all three engineers cram into a
rest room and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the
restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea.
So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy
the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the
return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't
buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one
perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.
When they board the train all three accountants cram into
a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one
nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom
and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are
hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"
supratuner
05-17-2003, 08:12 PM
i like the one about the engineers and accountants, LMAO
thats a good one
thats a good one
Oz
05-18-2003, 12:40 AM
:lol2:
Good ones! Much appreciated.
Good ones! Much appreciated.
drklver
05-18-2003, 12:52 AM
lol:D
BigJustinZ28
05-18-2003, 11:30 AM
lol , excellent ones , but i think I seen them on captain-obvious.com before
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