What do you do when.....(personal)

This is probably a bit personal but here goes nothing....

What do you do when your gf hates your flatmates and vice versa?

My gf and I have enough problems without me having to act as a go between for bitchy little things.

As an example, I get an email at work the other day from my flatmate asking me to tell Sharon to flush the toilet when she leaves in the morning. Apparently she forgot to flush some tissues or something when she was in a hurry to go to work.

Doesn't sound like much, but its the latest in a long series of bitchiness.

My flatmate says: "I shouldn't have to deal with that when I get up in the morning"

My gf says: "He should just flush it and get on with it.....it doesn't require an email."

I tend to side with Sharon on this one....but I just know that tomorrow/next week there will be something else. Its escalated to the point where it is stressing me out every day....every day some bitchy comment about her, some anal problem with something she has done.

I want to move out, but Sharon and I are not yet at a point where we can move in together. That is, we have unrelated problems of our own that we need to sort out first, if we can at all.

The whole situation has me miserable and depressed, I am always worrying, I can not relax at home or at work. I want to take some positive action to make it stop, make my life better....but I honestly have no idea what to do.

I think I should move out, but there is a reasonable chance that Sharon and I will not be able to work out our problems, and then I will have (probably) lost a friend (one of my flatties who isn't too bad).

I need to do something about this, I just don't know what.

:(

You could have just said "Get your own damn toilet!"
She should have flushed no doubt about it, but even so it's not worth whining over - maybe just looking for an excuse to complain about something?
No reason to be depressed, after all it's not even a real problem it's just complaining for the sake of complaining.

Did your flatmate and you get the place and then have your girlfriend move in or did you and your girlfriend get this guy as a roommate? If she came in after you guys had the apartment then you need to tell her to be more considerate. Otherwise your roommate needs to lighten up. I suggest you work out a plan to move out of there with her as soon as possible otherwise your going to lose both a friend and girlfriend.

2StrokeBloke: Exactly....but when it happens day after day, week after week, it gets you down.

YogsVR4: She's not part of the flat, but she stays about 3 nights a week. Due to relationship issues I also cannot move out with her yet....if I move out, it would have to be to another flat (without her).

Im confused , are all 3 of you in the same house ?

Originally posted by MattyG
What do you do when your gf hates your flatmates and vice versa?
Is it just the flatmates, or does she have trouble with other people as well?

If she is well-liked by friends & family, then it may just be a case of "no free rides" (your flat-mates may feel they are being used as a hotel for your woman).

Originally posted by DMC12

Is it just the flatmates, or does she have trouble with other people as well?

If she is well-liked by friends & family, then it may just be a case of "no free rides" (your flat-mates may feel they are being used as a hotel for your woman).

She is well liked, and has quite a few cool friends.

My flatmates are quite anal though....and one of them in particular is extremely foul mouthed, and never tones it down, even when visitors and/or other women are around. It doesn't help that much that sharon is naturally quite messy (drives me up the wall too, but its hardly a relationship breaker).

I can handle them alright, but my gf cannot....in a lot of ways I can't really blame her....but for the reasons described above, I don't really know what to do about it.

Bigjustin: She lives elsewhere, but stays with me about 3 nights a week give or take.

if she hates your room mates so much, why is she sleeping over so often?

i think if shes staying 3 night a week your friends might think you are running a hotel . I have a roomate and a live in girlfriend. She doenst pay anything . I told him she pays me in her own way , i told him if he wants he can do the same and I'll cover the whole rent , lol. Needless to say he still pays me cash :) muahahahaahha. Im just glad he didnt decide to try the other route or he might not be my roommate anymore lol. My roommate is also my best friend so I knew no worry of that lol.

p.s. I had the house a year before anyone moved in, so its considered my house , also I still pay majority of the rent and all the bills to retain my authority lol.

Originally posted by grimmy
if she hates your room mates so much, why is she sleeping over so often?

Becasue she likes ME! :)

Ok I received this email about 10 minutes ago:

"Matt,

Was there any particular reason why both Me and Heath had to have cold showers this morning? If Sharon stays at our house from now on, then I suggest that she has a shower at night so that the rest of the "rent paying" flat mates can actually have a warm shower in the morning. If she must shower in the morning then I suggest that you both have showers that not exceed 5 minutes. I do not think I am being unreasonable, but enough is enough.

Could you also please make sure that you both leave the bathroom in the same state as you left it, Heath cleaned it yesterday and last night there was a nice brown ring around the bath and this morning there was make-up and crap everywhere. If you were to take a more active approach to cleaning the house then I would not mind so much, but as It stands Heath and I are the only ones that lift a finger to keep the house clean and tidy. So as you can appreciate I get a little pissed off occasionally. We are in a brand new house so please treat it that way, we are not in some dive on Adelaide road that we can pretty much treat like shit!

Andrew"

Reasonable? Or not?

I tend to side with the flatmate.

clearly there is a major split between your flatmates on one side,and you and your g/f on the other.If the facts relating to the last e-mail were correct,I'd be tending to side with your flatmate.Sorry,but if you are paying a one-third share of the bills,and getting a quarter share of the benefits becauase someone else is piggy-backing a friend who lacks consideration for her place as a guest,then you'd be justified in saying something.

Whether negotiating by e-mail is a reasonable way for flatmates to discuss problems is another matter.Sounddds to me like there ara some major communication issues within your community.The first rule for successful flatting is that if you have a problem,you need to be able to deal with it as friends.If that's not happening,it might be time for someone to find a less stressful place to live.The main deciding factor to this would be,who is actually responsible for the tenancy?That's the other key rule in flatting.The guy that puts up the bond and pays the rent sets the rules.Anybody who pays a share of the rent is effectively sub-letting from him.

This is not really your problem. Tell your flatmate that your Girl will continue to stay, but any problems need to be directly addressed by her. Tell your girl to listen to your flatmates and sort it out. Then step back and wait for a resolution.

Originally posted by Oz
This is not really your problem. Tell your flatmate that your Girl will continue to stay, but any problems need to be directly addressed by her. Tell your girl to listen to your flatmates and sort it out. Then step back and wait for a resolution.

Seen that approach tried,flatmates issued a trespass notice against girl in question.
Ask yourself ,Matt....are these flatmates really worth the hassle?Couldn't you and your g/f afford to split the rent on a place of your own?

anyways...heres some light relief.

http://www.humourwriter.com/published/theflatmatefromhelldetectiontest.shtml

http://www.flatmate.com/flatmatetv_humour.asp

damn dog i agree with oz and naki your flatmates ARE paying rent.

Well if I had roommates that were constantly having messy guests over for days etc I think I would get annoyed too. There is a difference between entertaining people (few hours) and boarding people (few days). I think the form letter via email is a bit retarded though. Issues need to be talked about in person, maybe over coffee or something. that way you can get a feel for how the other person REALLY feels and vice versa. Perhaps if your g/f contributed to cleaning and maybe food if she eats there alot things may be less tense. I personally try my best to keep things clean if I am staying at someone else's place, whether for a night or longer.

Just curious, how old are you all? Age/maturity has alot to do with roommate situations. Then again I know of people in their 30s and older that still cant sort things out too well either.

I can understand why they are upset. My roomate tears my living room up and while im no neatfreak , I dont like the livingroom floor trashed , it gets on my nerves

Originally posted by KatWoman
Well if I had roommates that were constantly having messy guests over for days etc I think I would get annoyed too. There is a difference between entertaining people (few hours) and boarding people (few days). I think the form letter via email is a bit retarded though. Issues need to be talked about in person, maybe over coffee or something. that way you can get a feel for how the other person REALLY feels and vice versa. Perhaps if your g/f contributed to cleaning and maybe food if she eats there alot things may be less tense. I personally try my best to keep things clean if I am staying at someone else's place, whether for a night or longer.

Just curious, how old are you all? Age/maturity has alot to do with roommate situations. Then again I know of people in their 30s and older that still cant sort things out too well either.

I am actually 25. I would like to thank everyone for the responses by the way, they have been most helpful.

For the record, my gut goes with my flatmates also....

However, things are complicated because my gf believes that because I am her "partner" (we have been seeing each other for a long while) I should be on her "side" all of the time, and supporting her.

Having never been in a serious relationship before....initially I agreed. I have decided to talk to her, and ensure she is more considerate from now on however.

With respect to the communicating by email thing...I agree its a little bit weird....hmmm....not really sure how to fix it...we are quitre busy a lot of the time, it just seems convenient and "easy" I guess.

well if the only reason she stays over is to be with you, why not haver her over maybe once per week, and the other two nights stay at her place.

My tip - take flatmate AND girlfriend out to dinner (your treat) so they can talk in a relaxed, pleasant setting and work it all out. Might have to steer the conversation a bit, but definately a goer ;)

Originally posted by Oz
My tip - take flatmate AND girlfriend out to dinner (your treat) so they can talk in a relaxed, pleasant setting and work it all out. Might have to steer the conversation a bit, but definately a goer ;)

Thats worth considering, but flatting issues aside they actually can't stand each other....in any setting.

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Honestly though, NEVER say "Yes" to anything to ANY female without thinking about EVERY repercussion!!!!!! Here's what you do, tell your woman that she is making a mess. And that since she is NOT paying for ANY rent while she is there that she should clean up for herself.....OR after she's done making the mess, you clean it up. She is your responsibility while being a GUEST at your "flat".

Honestly, if you had a dog in your flat, and it took a GIGANTIC SHIT on your floor, would you REALLY expect, or even think that your flatmates would clean it up???? JEEZE!

It's kinda obvious that they don't like her in the first place, and when she makes a mess, that's just another reason for them to be pissed off at her!

So either, you have like, every single mop and dustpan going on behind her cleaning her mess up, or you go and get some balls, stand up to her, and tell her that she should be more respectful of your other flatmates, that SEEM to want to keep the flat clean. :D

BTW, I'm not, in ANY WAY, comparing women to dogs, just stating a point about the mess. Also, I thought that all women were clean?!?!?!? What's going on here!!?!?!? :D

Later!