| Off-Topic Talk about anything other than cars. |
12-02-2006, 10:43 PM
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#1
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AF Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Cape Coral
Posts: 71
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[JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
1. Greetings
When two friends who are girls see each other, they give hugs and exchange niceties. If those two friends are guys, replace the hugs with rib shots and the niceties with phrases like “hey fucker” and “bitch”. It is how real men have been greeting each other for centuries.
2. Drinking
Girls like bright colored drinks that taste like fruit juice. A guy will mix rubbing alcohol with Kool-Aid if he is thirsty and it is free. Also, girls drink to get “buzzed” while guys, on the other hand, drink to end up with our heads in the toilet.
3. What we look for in a movie
Girls look for a romantic storyline set in a foreign location. Guys look for fights, explosions, and the possibility of a tit shot. Our interest is peaked by anything that used to be a comic book or video game.
4. What we look for online
I don’t know what the hell girls look for when they go online, but we look for porn. For most of us, it is the entire reason we got a high speed connection in the first place.
5. Definition of “relationship”
90% of the women out there will consider a man is at least “seeing” them if they have sex once. Guys will consider the same thing if a woman feeds them once. If there is no food involved, we barely count her as a friend.
6. Bathroom time
A guy can go from dead sleep to shit, showered, shaved and ready in under ten minutes. A girl needs at least two hours to get ready to drive to the god damn grocery store.
7. Play fights
Two guys can hit each other, hard, and find it to be an incredibly good time. Girls can’t even so much as play violent video games against each other without it being on like Donkey Kong. Hyde proved this to be true in an episode of “That 70’s Show”.
8. Talking
When two girls get together, they can talk for hours. Two guys, however, can sit in front of a video game for three days without so much as saying two words to each other.
9. The reasons we like actors
Girls like Brad Pitt because they think he is “so cute”. Guys like him because he beat the shit out of Edward Norton in Fight Club.
10. Food
Girls only eat stuff that comes straight from a package or a kitchen. A guy will eat a piece of pizza that has been sitting on the coffee table for two days and enjoy it thoroughly.
11. The definition of the word “clean”
When a chick cleans her house, she will scrub the baseboards. Guys will clear the coffee table and call it good.
12. Masturbation
A woman will do it maybe once or twice a week and take two hours for one session. A guy will do it three times a day and only take up two minutes of his time to complete them all.
13. Music
Girls like to dance. Guys like to beat the shit out of each other and drink beer. You can’t listen to Alanis Moresette when you’re wrestling your friend over the last beer. It is just not right.
14. The importance of the playoffs
A woman can miss a game and not think twice about it. Guys will run down our own mothers to get in front of the TV in time to catch the opening minutes of any given sporting event.
15. Who broke the computer
When a man and woman live together and the computer breaks somehow, he will blame her for surfing stupid sites and clicking blind links while she will blame him for looking at too much porn. They are both right.
16. Injuries
A woman will get a band aid for the smallest of scratches. A guy will bleed profusely for hours before even so much as noticing.
17. Driving
Women drive like they want to kill you all the time. Guys only do that on back roads or in sanctioned events.
18. Suitable activities for babysitting
A girl will give two kids a board game and tell them to play nice in the living room. A guy will hand over a ball and tell them to go beat the shit out of each other in the backyard.
19. Laundry
Women wear clean clothes everyday. A guy will wear a shirt that has been on the floor for two weeks as long as it doesn’t smell. Ok, as long as it doesn’t smell too bad.
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12-03-2006, 12:51 AM
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#2
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Drinks Nitro
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: edmonton
Posts: 2,958
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
lol i like it
__________________
-1986 Z28 - 355 carb, T5
-1986 Sport Coupe - 305TBI and T5(parts car)
-1985 Z28 - No drivetrain(getting scraped soon)
-1989 RS - 2.8, 700R4(parts car)
-1991 Z28 - 355 OBDII tpi HSR, T56(soon hopefully)
AF User Rules/Guidelines
http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbul...uidelines.html
"Id rather push my chevy that drive a ford"
"God invented shit, ford put wheels on it"
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12-03-2006, 01:22 AM
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#3
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That thing got a Hemi?
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: London
Posts: 9,301
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
Quote:
14. The importance of the playoffs
A woman can miss a game and not think twice about it. Guys will run down our own mothers to get in front of the TV in time to catch the opening minutes of any given sporting event.
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haha, i've seen some awesome irony in that area. my mate was followed by police for 6 miles then pulled over for doing 20mph over the limit, when asked why he was speeding he answered "i'm trying to get home in time for World's Wildest Police Videos."
Quote:
16. Injuries
A woman will get a band aid for the smallest of scratches. A guy will bleed profusely for hours before even so much as noticing.
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Done that too, i almost cut my left thumb off with an electric saw @ 37,000rpm and didn't notice for a couple minutes. 
The whole thing was awesome though.
__________________
Seatbelts Saved My Life
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12-03-2006, 01:06 PM
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#4
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Your future world leader
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Salem, Ohio
Posts: 8,228
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by xcohiba
15. Who broke the computer
When a man and woman live together and the computer breaks somehow, he will blame her for surfing stupid sites and clicking blind links while she will blame him for looking at too much porn. They are both right.
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This one is soooo true. My ex and I ran into this problem when my computer suddenly ended up all jacked up for no apparent reason... She was the last one to touch it. lol
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12-04-2006, 09:10 AM
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#5
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Drinks Nitro
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: edmonton
Posts: 2,958
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
^lol!
__________________
-1986 Z28 - 355 carb, T5
-1986 Sport Coupe - 305TBI and T5(parts car)
-1985 Z28 - No drivetrain(getting scraped soon)
-1989 RS - 2.8, 700R4(parts car)
-1991 Z28 - 355 OBDII tpi HSR, T56(soon hopefully)
AF User Rules/Guidelines
http://www.automotiveforums.com/vbul...uidelines.html
"Id rather push my chevy that drive a ford"
"God invented shit, ford put wheels on it"
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12-10-2006, 10:19 PM
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#6
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AF Enthusiast
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 1,740
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
you sure she wasnt looking at porn?
:B
__________________
Car: 
1997 M6 SS Camaro [ white ]
285's in the back
all else = STOCK. 
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12-11-2006, 09:20 AM
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#7
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AF Enthusiast
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Somewhere, Missouri
Posts: 3,663
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
That was great, I liked it. So many truths too.
__________________
Sold
1994 Camaro Z28
Current Car
2003 Monte Carlo SS
New Toy
2009 Kawasaki Ninja 500R
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12-11-2006, 12:43 PM
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#8
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Your future world leader
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Salem, Ohio
Posts: 8,228
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by ikeyballz
you sure she wasnt looking at porn?
:B
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I'm pretty sure it was her surfin blind links for stupid myspace add on pages... 
I'm sure the porn had nothin to do with it. I'm smarter than it.  
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12-11-2006, 01:17 PM
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#9
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AF Enthusiast
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Hamilton, New Jersey
Posts: 788
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
a guy definitely wrote that. cuz it's wrong. lol
__________________
-2000 LS1 Z28-1979 Berlinetta*sold*-1992 RS 25th Anniv. 350*sold*-
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12-11-2006, 01:39 PM
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#10
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AF Enthusiast
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Somewhere, Missouri
Posts: 3,663
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by SG007
a guy definitely wrote that. cuz it's wrong. lol
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Of course a woman would say that. Women can't handle the truth, that's why guys lie, because women make the biggest deals out of nothing.
__________________
Sold
1994 Camaro Z28
Current Car
2003 Monte Carlo SS
New Toy
2009 Kawasaki Ninja 500R
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12-11-2006, 01:46 PM
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#11
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Your future world leader
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Salem, Ohio
Posts: 8,228
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by poormillionaire2
Women can't handle the truth, that's why guys lie, because women make the biggest deals out of nothing.
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lol I'll drink to that one.  My ex was a prime example of making big deals out of nothing...
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12-11-2006, 09:41 PM
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#12
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AF Enthusiast
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 1,740
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by Blackcrow64
lol I'll drink to that one. My ex was a prime example of making big deals out of nothing... |
+1.
__________________
Car:
1997 M6 SS Camaro [ white ]
285's in the back
all else = STOCK.
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12-12-2006, 07:43 PM
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#13
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AF Enthusiast
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Hamilton, New Jersey
Posts: 788
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by poormillionaire2
Of course a woman would say that. Women can't handle the truth, that's why guys lie, because women make the biggest deals out of nothing.
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well stop having relations with psychos.... 
and it's still wrong. lol
__________________
-2000 LS1 Z28-1979 Berlinetta*sold*-1992 RS 25th Anniv. 350*sold*-
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12-12-2006, 08:29 PM
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#14
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GM S-Series Mod
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Westminster, Maryland
Posts: 2,609
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by SG007
well stop having relations with psychos....
and it's still wrong. lol |
i didn't see anthing about psychos....wait...most women are  . most over react about the smallest, dumbest things its unbelieveable
__________________
2000 Chevy Blazer ZR2 
Performance: AEM intake, TB mod, ported stock y-pipe w/precat deleted, 3in catco cat, 2.5in Flowmaster 40 DF,
March pulleys, MSD SF ignition, Taylor 8.2 wires, Transgo shift kit, Corvette servos, B&M trans cooler.
Suspension: Knaffle 1.5in lift shackles, 1.25in rear wheel spacers, 31in BFG AT's
Exterior: custom ZR2 decals, bug guard, vent visors
Interior: Lanzar headunit w/ ipod input, Pioneer speakers, Scanguage II
http://www.cardomain.com/ride/3013891
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12-13-2006, 05:51 PM
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#15
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AF Enthusiast
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Somewhere, Missouri
Posts: 3,663
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Re: [JOKE] Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by ZL1power69
i didn't see anthing about psychos....wait...most women are . most over react about the smallest, dumbest things its unbelieveable |
He speaks the truth.
__________________
Sold
1994 Camaro Z28
Current Car
2003 Monte Carlo SS
New Toy
2009 Kawasaki Ninja 500R
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