I've read the instructions, but I am a total illiterate when it comes to electrical terms such as ground, etc etc. I just need instructions on which jumper cable to use, WHERE to connect them, etc etc etc, precise directions. Please help me, cause I dont want to pay autozone or a dealership to do it

What exactly are you trying to do...jump the car or program the keyless entry?

Program the keyless entry

OK...is this the factory key fob you're talking about, or an aftermarket one?