Loving your Family

[DantesInferno]

Do you believe that it is inherent in our nature to love our parents and family members? Do you think we have a choice? Ultimately, through our lives we love many people. In a romantic love, however, we fall in and out of love (hopefully more in than out), through the choices we make, or through the circumstances we find ourselves in. However, when we are born, it is automatically assumed and expected that we will love our parents and family members. Do you think this is true? Do we grow to love them as we grow to love others, or are we automatically born to love them?

[SickLude]

we are born to love them. of course, like everything else, its very circumstancial. you could have been given up for adoption, or what have you. but i think the reason why we are born to love them is because they raised us. and this is hypothetical, assuming that your actual parents raised you, or your foster parents raised you. i love my parents because of what they have done for me, as im sure most people feel the same way. what they've given me, the ways they've stuck up for me, thats why i love them. they've always been there, as i will do for them.

[fritz_269]

It's a hormone.

oxytocin

:smoker2:

[JD@af]

Originally posted by DantesInferno
Do you believe that it is inherent in our nature to love our parents and family members

I do not. I think this is just another learned behavior. You are born into the world, and if your parents keep you close, care for you, etc. I believe that by nature you grow to trust and believe in them. Instinct also probably plays a role in loving your parents and your family. However, I don't think that the moment you are capable of thought and emotion you "automatically" love them, as if it were an inherent trait. Like trust, love must be earned. Any endearing parent does earn this love, and trust, from day one. But if they fail to tend to their off-spring, I feel that they will confuse their babies, who are drawn to believe that it is natural to love their parents, and that they should, even though they very well may not.

[Moppie]

Originally posted by fritz_269
It's a hormone.

oxytocin

For those that don't know what this is,

Try this link

Now Fritz how do you think a Hormone that causes contractions is responsible for creating an instinct to love your family?


I think its nothing more than learned behaviuor.

[taranaki]

It took a while, but I have grown to love my family.Sadly,disfunctional is probably a good term to describe the interpersonal relationships in our house when I lived at home .The day-to-day regime of living with insecure and authoritarian parents effectively suppressed any mutal empathy.
We are born with the instinct to love our families.It is further reinforced into us as small children by our parents when they feed us.In my generation,this mainly applies to one's mother,but it would be interesting to see what sort of relationship develops in the case where a father was the dominant carer.It is possible to override this feeling if it is not the main emotion being nurtured.Like a good garden,emotions need to be weeded regularly,to prevent your desired thoughts from being smothered.

In families,as with any other relationship,you don't always immediately get out what you put in.In the case of domestic violence,for example, it is possible to hate someone that you love,and forgive them at the same time.In the end though, the dominant emotion will always win.Much as I hated my father as a teenager,these days he lives on the other side of the planet and I seldom get to see him,so there is less friction between us.In the absence of any reason to hate him,I find that I can love him much more easily.

[fritz_269]

Originally posted by Moppie
For those that don't know what this is,
Try this link
Now Fritz how do you think a Hormone that causes contractions is responsible for creating an instinct to love your family?
I think its nothing more than learned behaviuor.

Try going a little deeper than that:
http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/
http://www.people.virginia.edu/~rjh9u/oxytocin.html

"This is one of the first looks into the biological basis for human attachment and bonding," said Rebecca Turner, PhD, UCSF adjunct assistant professor of psychiatry and lead author of the study. "Our study indicates that oxytocin may be mediating emotional experiences in close relationships."

It's role in labor is theorized to be the mother-child link. Without oxytocin, the mother does not have a strong innate 'love' for the child. In an evolutionary sense, it is an important role for mammals with long gestation periods and small numbers of offspring. The parent must care for the child nearly as much as they care for themselves, unlike many other species, which often eat their own offspring. It is then not surprising that it is in large supply during labor, the time when the mother will first establish that bond.

Oxytocin has also been shown to be the only known 'monogamy' hormone. Mammals that bond for life with a partner have increased levels of oxytocin; if it's then chemically blocked, they no longer remain monogamous.

The hormone facilitates nest building and pup retrieval in rats, acceptance of offspring in sheep, and the formation of adult pair-bonds in prairie voles. In humans, oxytocin stimulates milk ejection during lactation, uterine contraction during birth, and is released during sexual orgasm in both men and women.

It really is the "love drug". :right:

Of course, it's not the only component to love, but it might just be a lot larger part of it than most people think. :smoker2:

[Moppie]

Originally posted by fritz_269


It really is the "love drug". :right:

Hmmm cool. you learn something everyday. Do you know where I could find, oh say life time supply of it? would make hunting for that perfect match so much easier.

SO you dont believe in any non-physical bond holding a family together? or what about other reasons, like learned behaviour?

[DantesInferno]

If it is learned behavior, why is it that we never question the love we have for our parents? I could ask almost anyone if they love their mother or father, and without a doubt, they will automatically respond positively. I agree that is a learned behavior, built on dependency and the required trust of infancy, but once we emerge into an age where we can control our thoughts, behaviors, and challenge any learned behaviors (and yes, I do realize we all challenge our parents when we're older, some more than others), we will still continue loving our parents till the day we die. I'm just curious, we will easily question the love we have for another in a relationship beyond familial, why don't we question the learned love we have for our family?

[fritz_269]

Originally posted by Moppie
Hmmm cool. you learn something everyday. Do you know where I could find, oh say life time supply of it?

Yes. It's called an orgasm. Have them with the one you love and your physiological bond literally becomes stronger.

SO you dont believe in any non-physical bond holding a family together? or what about other reasons, like learned behaviour?

I'll repeat:

Of course, it's not the only component to love, but it might just be a lot larger part of it than most people think.

There certainly is a learned component, and there are deeper psychological components too.

Not for nothing - If your parents are still alive, you've probably spent more of your life with them than any other single person on earth.
:smoker2:

[taranaki]

Originally posted by DantesInferno
If it is learned behavior, why is it that we never question the love we have for our parents? I could ask almost anyone if they love their mother or father, and without a doubt, they will automatically respond positively. I agree that is a learned behavior, built on dependency and the required trust of infancy, but once we emerge into an age where we can control our thoughts, behaviors, and challenge any learned behaviors (and yes, I do realize we all challenge our parents when we're older, some more than others), we will still continue loving our parents till the day we die.

I think there is a degree of social conditioning involved here.As the parent of two small children I have often been told by them that they hate me.It is usually after I have disciplined them,or it can be for such a minor offence as refusing to buy them sweets on demand.Naturally,I am less than receptive to such behaviour,and when they try to express hate for me,they end up getting disciplined some more.Conversely,when they seek me out just to tell me that they love me,it makes me feel good,and I tend to melt.
They have learnt from this that it is not acceptable to express their negative feelings in public,but positive expressions bring immediate rewards.There comes a point where they will instinctively follow the desired pattern,and they will continue along that path until they are teenagers,when they will become independent enough to voice their angry thoughts to their peers.
However,by that time the original message will have been drilled into them many times by relatives,teachers,friends' parents etc,and their instinctive response to adults will be completely different,i.e. the'correct'answer.The more they repeat the 'correct ' answer,the more they will tend to believe it.
It is still considered a serious breach of manners to openly display negative feelings towards your parents,whatever your age may be.