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Old 02-04-2005, 01:35 PM   #1
chixSI
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Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

I have a serious question that maybe someone can help me answer! I am in desperate need for an answer...

I'm a girl that has been a tomboy my whole life ( i dress and look like a girl though) I have always found it difficult to find and keep friends that are girls. All of my friends are guys who are also in the car scene. The reason i am complaining is that i've noticed that girls only trying to be my friend and use me for my car to get attention by the guys! Once they have received what they concorded for, they ditch me! Why is this??? I know I'm a good friend but damn why does this keep happening to me! All my guy friends tell me not to stress over it so much and just stick with the guys, but what do they know, I'm a girl who wants a good female friend that I can talk about girl things and understand the meaning "chix before dicks" and so on...Trust me, i love all my boys, but i'm tired of just being considered one of them! I just want to start hanging with some girls!

Do you think it could be me....a bad friend, or the girls that i'm becoming friends with??? Any suggestions please!!!
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Old 02-04-2005, 02:58 PM   #2
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Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

IMO, it's your whole tomboy image. You said you dress and look like a girl, but if you don't have that girlie attitude other girls are going to treat you like one of the guys, just from what I've noticed.

I'm not saying all girls are like this, but girls will use you and abuse you. Has happened to me enough times, help out a friend, and next thing you know the bitch is going behind your back talking shit etc., trying to make you look bad. It's just how a lot of girls are.

So my piece of advice, flip your image a little, keep being who are, but tone down the tomboy image and maybe go do some of the girlie things that girls like to do with your friends.

Kinda hard to give advice to someone you don't really know, but thats what I can come up with without knowing you personally.
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Old 02-04-2005, 04:07 PM   #3
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Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

Damn, that's some great advice! I totally understand where you are coming from. I guess that's my problem, everyone treats me like one of the guys because of my hobbies, and it's sad that it comes down to that! I'm just as much as any other girl except for i have a huge interest in cars and racing. I have always been around cars my whole life and i just grew to understand them and love them! I still like to go shopping, get my hair done, go to the gym, etc...all the things that girls do, but i just go to lots of car events as well! I just now got to the point where i'm tired of these girls treating me like this when i bend over backwards to be a good friend to them and it's not even the problem where i sit there and bore talk them about cars all day long! I can sit down and talk about guys and how cute they are too, but they just use me for a free ride to getting all the guys attention.
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Old 02-04-2005, 10:26 PM   #4
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Re: Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GScivic7
IMO, it's your whole tomboy image. You said you dress and look like a girl, but if you don't have that girlie attitude other girls are going to treat you like one of the guys, just from what I've noticed.

I'm not saying all girls are like this, but girls will use you and abuse you. Has happened to me enough times, help out a friend, and next thing you know the bitch is going behind your back talking shit etc., trying to make you look bad. It's just how a lot of girls are.

So my piece of advice, flip your image a little, keep being who are, but tone down the tomboy image and maybe go do some of the girlie things that girls like to do with your friends.

Kinda hard to give advice to someone you don't really know, but thats what I can come up with without knowing you personally.
is that the same advice your parents gave to you ????? stop trying to pick up girls, you loser!
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Old 02-04-2005, 10:39 PM   #5
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Wink

HEY!! but seriously, why would you awnt to go out of your way and change who you are just to have friends who are girls? Girls in general, as we both can attest, chixSI, are coniving and selfish... ...but that's their loss -- they're empty and foolish; you're obviously better than that because you REALIZE its true
.... I still have plenty of acquaintances that are girls, and I could "girl talk" with the girliest of them.. but no one I would go out of my way for.

And that's whats important -- have those girls that are cool to party with or go hang out or whatever -- but don't get yourelf worn out by trying to hard to keep them around


I'm relatively new to the whole tuning/ racing scene -- but I've had the "I have no girl friends" issue my whole life. I was always one of those Play with Barbies or Play in the mud kind of girls growing up -- and now its a part of me - Honestly, I can count all my good girl friends on one hand -- it would take a month to list all the ones that used or abused me -- and then there's the list of nameless faces... blagh.

It sucks, but the cool ones will come around once in a while -- and two or three is all you really need.. any more than that and its sickening (IMO, anyway) --
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Old 02-05-2005, 01:31 AM   #6
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Re: Re: Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

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is that the same advice your parents gave to you ????? stop trying to pick up girls, you loser!
haha lol, she asked for suggestions and I told her what I thought. No where in my post do I ask if she lives near me. Besides you shouldn't post in a thread unless you have something relevant to add to it. Sorry, but here you =

chixSI: I'm not sure if I helped any, your post has got me confizzled lol. Anyhow if the girls really are bitches like that, drop 'em and stick to the people you are comfortable with. Makes life 100000000000000000x easier.
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Old 02-05-2005, 12:25 PM   #7
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Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

Girls are very, very different from their male counterparts. We see this difference in everything, from their physical structure to their very personality.

A girl walks in a room full of other girls. The girls will check out what she is wearing, who she is with, what kind of hair she has, etc. Guys don't notice these things to the degree that women do.

Women are more fiercely territorial than men. They will wreck havoc protecting their man, their home, and their personal belongings. Men are generally more laid-back and 'sloppy' so to speak...there arent that many buttons to push.

So when you have a female friend versus a male friend, theres all sorts of disparity between how the two will act.

Men: "if youre attractive enough and have a nice body, youre in, no problems. Chicks with cars are a plus."

Women: "if youre attractive and dress well, and have a nice body, your intimidating and could steal a potential mate from me. You also bring down my 'market value' when you hang out with me, and people look at you more than me when we go out in public. I dont like competition".

I'm not some jackass throwing off random literature for the sake of answering a post. To imply that one sex is inferior or more problematic than the other would be grossly unfair. But this is the reality of the situation... I knew some a long time ago, and got her flowers for valentines day. "No chocolates!! It's all ABOUT chocolates!", she said. Next year, I got her chocolates instead. "No flowers!! Valentines is ALL about romantic flowers!". You cannot win.

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Old 02-13-2005, 07:40 PM   #8
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Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

In my opinion, it's not because of your image as a tomboy, it's just only because the girls that you take them as friends are not friends. Because I have some of my friends that are tomboy too, and we all get along for more than 5 years. And hobbies has nothing to do with being girlie or not. I like cars too, but that doesn't mean I'm not a girl. People are created different. I'm like the only one in my group that pay attention to cars, but my friends don't use me like your friends do.

I hope I'm not being too dumb in this message. Just keep up with your confidence.
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Old 02-15-2005, 03:58 AM   #9
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i think its mostly personality. im a guy, and i ve met some guys that i just couldnt hang out with all the time, because of the way they act, and because they never wanted to do things i wanted to do. so i think a lot of it has to do with personality, and compatibility. just like a guy, looking for a girlfriend, or girl, looking for a boyfriend.

it could be the type of girls that you meet, or hang out with. you should go for the ones you feel most comfortable with, even if you dont think they wont wanna hang out with you, just go for it anyway, and be friendly with them, just talk to them. everyones different, so some girls will judge you on how you dress, some wont. same thing with guys, some will, some wont. you shouldnt have to change how you dress so much that dont feel comfortable though. you could change the way you dress, but not to the point where you dont feel comfortable anymore. i have a sister, and all her friends seem to dress about the same way though, i havent seen one that seems different enough for me to notice.
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Old 02-15-2005, 08:44 AM   #10
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Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

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Originally Posted by CrzyMR2T
i think its mostly personality. im a guy, and i ve met some guys that i just couldnt hang out with all the time, because of the way they act, and because they never wanted to do things i wanted to do. so i think a lot of it has to do with personality, and compatibility. just like a guy, looking for a girlfriend, or girl, looking for a boyfriend.

it could be the type of girls that you meet, or hang out with. you should go for the ones you feel most comfortable with, even if you dont think they wont wanna hang out with you, just go for it anyway, and be friendly with them, just talk to them. everyones different, so some girls will judge you on how you dress, some wont. same thing with guys, some will, some wont. you shouldnt have to change how you dress so much that dont feel comfortable though. you could change the way you dress, but not to the point where you dont feel comfortable anymore. i have a sister, and all her friends seem to dress about the same way though, i havent seen one that seems different enough for me to notice.
I don't think my problem is my personality, the way i dress, or the way i act. I am a very friendly, laid-back, person and i do act and dress like a girl. (except for shorts and dresses) but the reason i would call myself a tomboy is because i mostly have the same intererst in the things that guys do. I have NO problems making friends with guys because they don't judge me on the way i dress or look. And when i have a friend that's a guy, they tend to be my friend forever. Even all my ex-boyfriend are still my really good friends!

Maybe it is the group of girls i hang out with. They all seem to be interested in cars to get the guys attention and use me to get to them easier. And i have tried to go outside the whole car scene and make friends with girls that aren't into cars. But it all comes down to the same thing...GUYS! Like i said before, girls just seem to choose and pick guys first over friendship.

I'm happy with just having my guys as best friends, but it would really be nice to count on a girl to be my best friend that i can do my "girl things" with!
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Old 02-23-2005, 08:10 PM   #11
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Re: Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

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Originally Posted by chixSI
I don't think my problem is my personality, the way i dress, or the way i act. I am a very friendly, laid-back, person and i do act and dress like a girl. (except for shorts and dresses) but the reason i would call myself a tomboy is because i mostly have the same intererst in the things that guys do. I have NO problems making friends with guys because they don't judge me on the way i dress or look. And when i have a friend that's a guy, they tend to be my friend forever. Even all my ex-boyfriend are still my really good friends!

Maybe it is the group of girls i hang out with. They all seem to be interested in cars to get the guys attention and use me to get to them easier. And i have tried to go outside the whole car scene and make friends with girls that aren't into cars. But it all comes down to the same thing...GUYS! Like i said before, girls just seem to choose and pick guys first over friendship.

I'm happy with just having my guys as best friends, but it would really be nice to count on a girl to be my best friend that i can do my "girl things" with!
i see, well im no expert, just giving my thoughts. anyway, are you usually the one that calls your friends, or does your friends call you more? do you usually start the convo, or does other people? i think smiling a lot helps out too, it lets them know that your interested in them, so maybe you should get that botox thing done to make you look like your smiling all the time, haha im just playing.
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Old 02-24-2005, 09:30 AM   #12
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Re: Re: Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrzyMR2T
i see, well im no expert, just giving my thoughts. anyway, are you usually the one that calls your friends, or does your friends call you more? do you usually start the convo, or does other people? i think smiling a lot helps out too, it lets them know that your interested in them, so maybe you should get that botox thing done to make you look like your smiling all the time, haha im just playing.
Thanks for your thoughts, i didn't mean to sound like i didn't agree with you or didn't appreciate your help! i really do, but i just wanted to break it down to you what kind of person i am so you can give me more of your thoughts. I think you are an expert since you have brought up many good ideas

Anyways my guy friends, i would say, call me more than i call them. And well my girlfriends (the little amount that i have) i call them more! Don't get me wrong, i don't blow up their phone or anything, but i do call them when there is something to do (like to shopping, eating, drinking, party, clubbin', all that fun stuff) or just simply to say hello, how are you doing!

About the whole smiling thing, i was told that once by my (i think) 4th grade teacher. That a smile can make a friendship last...it went something like that. She always told us to even smile at strangers because smiling at a stranger can make you feel good along with the stranger...hehe! I forgot how it went exactly, but i get your idea about always smiling! how about this smile...

Well thanks again for everyone's help!
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Old 03-12-2005, 10:02 AM   #13
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Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

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"chix before dicks"
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Old 03-18-2005, 01:28 PM   #14
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Re: Am i a bad friend or are girls backstabbers?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chixSI
I have a serious question that maybe someone can help me answer! I am in desperate need for an answer...

I'm a girl that has been a tomboy my whole life ( i dress and look like a girl though) I have always found it difficult to find and keep friends that are girls. All of my friends are guys who are also in the car scene. The reason i am complaining is that i've noticed that girls only trying to be my friend and use me for my car to get attention by the guys! Once they have received what they concorded for, they ditch me! Why is this??? I know I'm a good friend but damn why does this keep happening to me! All my guy friends tell me not to stress over it so much and just stick with the guys, but what do they know, I'm a girl who wants a good female friend that I can talk about girl things and understand the meaning "chix before dicks" and so on...Trust me, i love all my boys, but i'm tired of just being considered one of them! I just want to start hanging with some girls!

Do you think it could be me....a bad friend, or the girls that i'm becoming friends with??? Any suggestions please!!!
get better freinds girlie! its a shame how the tuner scene attracts so many idiots. look around for some different perspectives in your life, musically, culturally, etc. check out the riot grrrl scene, download some bikini kill, and ditch the lame chicks....

it gets better after 21....
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Old 03-18-2005, 01:32 PM   #15
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why is it that women always say 'i have more guy friends than girl friends'? - no shit...it's really not going to be that hard for you to keep/make guy friends. it doesn't matter whether you're a tomboy or not. women, on the other hand, are less likely to remain your friends if they weren't meant to be your friends in the first place.

the answer here is really simple, your interests have alienated you from most women, period. therefore, you will never have the cliche 'clique' of friends that other women will have - you don't have the same range of things in common, you don't have the same mindset (as illustrated by you going to a meet to check out cars, while they to go check out guys). They can never really be your friends now: you've come over to the dark side; it's time to grab a beer, turn on the speed channel, and accept the answer that is staring you in the damn face: guy friends are just easier than girl friends.

this thread was at the top when i posted to it, so don't bitch at me about bringing up old threads.
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