Another friend dead..(adult content)

[Spyke^]

Sorry for the downer topic, but I just wanted to get some of this out.

A couple of days ago I got a call from one of my buddies asking if I could drop over and "shoot the shit".
I said that I thought I'd be able to get over in a few hours as I was in the middle of some renovations to the house.
It should be mentioned here that buddy and his wife seperated about six weeks ago and he had been feeling a little depressed.
I told him that I was just going to finish up a couple of pieces of trim and I'd be over.
No problems.

I get another call about half an hour later and it's buddy's ex-wife and she's all freaked out saying that she received a call from him and that he was saying all of this wierd stuff like " it's been nice knowing you, and you don't have to worry about me anymore and that he wrote a letter to each of his kids ( the kids are 9 and 11 ).

I jumped in the truck and ripped over there and....well he had laid plastic tarps down all around the kitchen and there he sat in the corner with half of his head blown off!!

The sights and smells of that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

My mind kept fixating on the fact that he had put down tarps so as not to " make a mess for us".
How fucked up is that? I can't figure how your mind would work in a way that you don't want to make a mess for us but it's ok to take your life and leave us with that mess.
Never mind the fact that I had to call this guys mother ( a conversation I'd rather forget) and deal with that mess.

We just went through the wake/funeral process and it still doesn't seem real.
The family had an open casket. I imagine that they had their own reasons for this but he looked fucking terrible and there was a lot of people freaked out by how he looked.
There's only so much you can do with playdoh or whatever they use.

HIs 9 year old son kept coming over to the casket and holding his fathers hand when there was no one around....fuck!
This is so hard to type out..

I know that it isn't my fault, but I keep thinking that if I had went right over than he would still be alive and i wouldn't have these awful scenes in my head.

I think that we have all been in his shoes in one way or another and I hope to fuck that one of you reads this and thinks about everyone else before doing something like that.
I've heard it said that it is the most selfish thing that you can do and I see why they say that now.

The worst thing is that if he was in that much pain who am I to say that he can't end the suffering?

Jason was 31 years old....

[Mediocrity]

Man... 31 years old... that's terrible bro.

I couldnt imagine walking in on a scene like that.

Gah... I dont even know what to say... I'm sorry. I really hope things get better for you.

[WickedNYCowboy]

Dude thats horrible. I am pretty much speechless.

[modification_inc]

Im sorry to hear that best wishes

[kittedb18bt]

OMG! almost in tears here. as you have stated, that is incredibly selfish. i have not seen anyone i know be in that type of situation, therefore i have been extremely lucky. keep us updated on how you feel. we are all here for you. wow(still a little teary eyed)

[-Davo]

Possibly the most disturbing thing I've ever, ever read. I'm sorry to hear that. Just smile for the memorys, and good times you had, never cry that it's over. That's all I can say.

[Gotti]

I feel for ya man... One of my good friends was stabbed in the throat and died and my cousin in Poland was shot in the stomach once and died. The situation with my cousin really pissed me off, cause you see people get shot 5 times or even more sometimes (like 50 cent) and survive. He only got hit once in the stomach and he died a couple days later. And I saw him 2 days before it happened when i was in the country visiting family. My 15 year old nephew was strong tho (his son) I didnt even see him cry. Just a tear at the funeral, thats how you have to be in those situations, live through it. But I dont believe in suicide at all, no offense but I believe thats a cowards way out of life. God doesnt support suicide either, so its a bad choice

One of my other really good friends also murdered somebody (by accident, he didnt mean to kill the guy) and he's still in prison awaiting trial... so he's gunna be gone for a loooooooooong time, but atleast he's not dead. I just hope he does aright in prison cause he's only 19.... he's a tough mutherfucker but he's only like 5' 7''


Keep your head up....

[Andydg]

I'm really sorry for what happend...also don't beat yourself up for not going over there right away, he more than likely would've done it anyways.

[Rbraczyk]

My friend committed suicide about 2 months ago. He did it about a half mile from my house in the front field of our school. Shot himself in the head. life ain't easy. I've seen over 10 people, either family or friends die in my lifetime. five funerals already. And to think im only 17.

[Xtreme_098]

yea, suicide is a cowards way out of life and it affects those close to them in a way others will never know. Good luck gettin through it bro.

[Masta]

sorry man. that's sad.

[Spyke^]

Thanks so much for your kind words.

I finally got some half decent sleep without having visions of last week flashing in my head whenever I closed my eyes.

It's funny ( not in a haha way ) how the stories surrounding this have come up and how they have a little bit of truth in them but are mostly way out there.

The best one so far was from another mutual friend who proceeded to tell me that he heard the Paramedics were on scene and that they tried to save him but he was too far gone and that he said " I'm sorry " and then died!?

I know I'll go on from here, his ex-wife and family will as well, but every time I think of his kids it breaks my heart and I get so pissed off at him for doing that to them.

I don't blame myself. I know that even if I had dropped everything and rushed over there ( which I would have if I had known how messed up he was ) then I would have just delayed it.
Looking back then sure there was some signs, but who here hasn't been depressed at breaking up with your wife/girlfriend?

One of our group said that earlier that day he was talking to him and he seen the roll of plastic in the back of his truck.
I said I have a nice chunk of rope home but that doesn't mean that I'm going to hang myself.

Everybody wants to blame themsleves.

[ghostguy6]

Ive been there, If you ever want to talk about feel free to IM or PM me. Sorry about your loss, its always painful to see another friend lost.

[HogieGT-R]

dude....words can't explain the sorrow that i feel for ya....even though i don't know anybody who has done that, i know what it's like to witness things that are gruesome like that, and i do feel for ya. i hope that i never have to go through anything like that man. and i'm sorry that you and everybody that he knew went through that. hope that in time, things can repair themselves

[Dustin_S]

they had an open casket funeral when half his head was missing?

edit: Sorry, that was harsh. Don't get me wrong, that is a tough situation- my best friends father shot himself less than a month ago. he used a scatter gun...needless to say, it was a closed casket funeral.