The next five years of file sharing

[Broke_as_****]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070112...y_070112171207

After their late 2007 purchase of a small Caribbean island, the Pirate Bay manages to convince several other high profile file sharing companies to move their servers to the newly named Kissourfuckinasseskaui. For a moment in time, they're riding high. A complete lack of copyright laws and federal government allow the companies to expand their client base ten fold and move into other markets such as off the books money transactions.

Then in early 2009, under immense pressure from the massive media empires of the world, a NATO blockade cuts the island off from critical supplies of fiber optic cable, satellite dishes and booze. After demanding the unconditional surrender of the rogue nation, the NATO fleet is rendered impotent in a matter of minutes when the ship board computers are hacked and their operating systems replaced with gigabytes worth of crappy porn. The UN declares this an act of war on the part of Kissourfuckinasseskaui however is stunned when the Chinese representative declares their full support of the small island and vows to defend it against any aggression. The Chinese of course were sympathetic to the cause, having never really given a **** about copyright laws themselves. In stark similarity to the Cuban missile crisis, the next seven months see a tense stand off between the Capitalist powers of the west and the Chinese/Pirate Federation, who aren't as well organized but have cool helmets. Neither side showed any signs of backing down until what would later become known as the infamous Big Pickle in the Tight Crack incident brought matters to a boiling point.

In the early dawn hours of March 29th, 2009, a Chinese tanker carrying generator fuel and 20 year old Scotch to Kissourfuckinasseskaui was halted outside the Panama Canal under the guise that it was too big to fit through the waterway. The tankers captain refused answering any of the incoming radio messages, presumably because the crew was using the forward Scotch tank as a swimming pool. When the ship rammed through the lock gates and sank, three crew men and forty five sheep lost their lives.

The Chinese government was quick to call foul, claiming the US filled in the canal to prevent the ship from passing. They made their case before the UN, bringing forth receipts for thousands of shovels purchased by the US government. After it was shown that these shovels were part of the "Fill in the Grand Canyon" unemployment work house program, the Chinese delegate, famous for his long winded and eloquent speeches, replied in the now famous manner "HA! YOU RIE!", and stormed from the assembly room.

Open conflict soon ensued, however it was short lived. NATO, promising quick retaliation for any causalities inflicted by Chinese ICBMs, never had to return fire, as the poorly made, low quality Chinese missiles failed to hit any of their targets. Sensing defeat was imminent, the Chinese government recounted all loyalty to Kissourfuckinasseskaui. The small nation’s fate seemed assured.

However, when the NATO fleet returned to the island in hack proof canoes, they found it long abandoned. The Pirate servers had been scattered to the wind in dozens of countries. The western powers launched an immediate offensive with tactical nuclear weapons homing in on the servers IP addresses however since they had gotten their missiles cheap from China they only managed to destroy the west side of Detroit, though it was hard to tell anything had changed.

It was then that the Pirate Bays Captain Long Slong, in full Ninja-Battle Pirate war paint, marched into the UN general assembly and declared that in exchange for continued operation of it's free file sharing services, it would systematically fix or replace all of the crappy porn and broken downloads with good porn and a never ending barrage of Guy-Gets-Hit-In-The-Nuts videos. After a surprisingly short deliberation session, the UN Committee on Slapping the Salami decided that this was a fair trade.

And thus the fourth age of File Sharing began.

[Yaggus]

Hahahahaha.... Kool idea, but I somwhow think that they wont be getting the 2 billion anytime soon...