3000GT's very own Off-Topic Thread! Part DEUX

[youngvr4]

yea it was about a year ago or so

[Morphius289]

Wow. Maybe I need a new set of contacts

I didn't sort through the earlier post, but I have some more "facts" about Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
the man ate a fucking Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records
it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those
listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes
corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and
could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris
out. It failed misserably.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and
the butter comes straight out.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be
the Magnolia.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a
plane and punched the ground.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video
game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him
to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris
replied, "That's no glitch."

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based
on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the
earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a
temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it
was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as
the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris
once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle
was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg
uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how
quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.

If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will
roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the
REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself..

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple
universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one.
When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck
Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein
today as Stephen Hawking.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization
4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined
nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the
American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a
roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more
testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of
beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise
men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift,
and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon
after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds
up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him
there was a stripper in it.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten
to different shades of black and blue.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are
filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark
red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of
execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water
gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer
steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time
single-season home run king.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big
Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay.
It will be because he has run out of women.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck
Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger
size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of
Australia for 44 minutes.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has
been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and
tears.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French
surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it
became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized
from his autobiography.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck
Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in
his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only
thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck
Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One
roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual
intercourse, and football-- in that order.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He
also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo
meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

When Chuck Norris plays Red Rover, he walks over to the other line,
roundhouse-kicks the first person, watches them all fall over in a
domino, and screams out "Norris is over"

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of
the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

[xXxRocker5150]

^HAHAHAH

[xXxRocker5150]

Ohh and Musashi, go to http://disengagemusic.tripod.com that's a rough version of my band's site... if you go to the media section, we put up two of our mp3's and I think you just migh like em.

[youngvr4]

Originally Posted by Musashi3000GT

New OT? damn, I have to re-establish dominace all over!

i must admit, musashi was ruler of the ot thread,

though rocker and slade were close behind. musashi was lord of OT!!

[sLADe781]

What's up with all the Chuck Norris bashing? Did I miss something!?!

[Musashi3000GT]

Originally Posted by youngvr4

i must admit, musashi was ruler of the ot thread,

though rocker and slade were close behind. musashi was lord of OT!!

Thanks big guy, but like Yogs says: its not how many times you post, its how much you can contribute.

I try not to make worthless posts but rather educate and inspire. (unlike Rocker over here whith his cheap band plug-ins! )

[FormulaLT1]

Originally Posted by Igovert500

2) did igor really post 2x in here, in one day? WOW, he doesn't even do that in the mods corner...

Thats not true, your forgetting the thread we made about boobs to see if we could finally get his attention

[xXxRocker5150]

^ahahhaha

[Dreamspawn]

ALL WRC AND FORUMLA ! fans HEAR ME NOW!!!!
Speed channel has cut wrc completly from there schedule and forumla one isn't showing up on there programs for this year *rumor has it only the races will air so we won't get the 3 heat qualifying race type ordeal*

there is a petation here http://www.petitiononline.com/SpdTV/petition.html
please for the love of god if you enjoy either of these two motorsports PLEASE sign it and pass it along. Don't get me wrong i love nascar if you could see my room * I have roughly 30+ 1/24 diecast 10 1/18 a piece of dale jr. daytona winning tire, a full sized tire used in qualifying, you get the point* but i love forumla one and wrc.

[sLADe781]

I just got back from snowboarding at Sierra-Lake Tahoe and I am freakin' BEAT!!!! But damn, it was so much fun though. I woke up at like 2:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to bed because I was so excited!!! How was everyone else's Saturday?

[Musashi3000GT]

Rocker bro, your band freaking rocks! I havent heard axe shredding like that since Union Underground! oh and Dokken freaking sucks yo!

BOOYAAH

[xXxRocker5150]

^ROFL, dokken is teh tits man!!!!! I didn't make that bio n.e. ways, Hans made it up.... wannna be our groupie musashi

[Musashi3000GT]

no but I can be your body guard. Ill take a bulet for ya hommie.

[xXxRocker5150]

lol that's what I'm talking about man!!! We'd have to find a way so that you can carry around your kitana or w.e. it's called w/o legal restrictions...