How to Succeed in Business

1. Aim low. Don't set your goals so high that you have difficulty
reaching them. There's no reason to put in all that hard work
for nothing.

2. Remember, you've got to spend money to lose money.

3. When your co-workers ask you about your weekend, don't
answer them. Just stare at them for about five minutes
without blinking, then walk over and start humping the fax
machine.

4. Litter your desk with pictures of aborted kangaroo fetuses.
Tell people your making a political statement.

5. When your boss gives you a congratulatory slap on the
shoulder. Reach over and carress his hand lovingly. Ask him
how he keeps his skin so soft and smoothe.

6. Hey, there's no law that says you can't wear a semi-conscious
squirrel for a tie. Or is there?

7. Refer to all clients as "Mr. Sulu."

8. Defrag your hard drive at least four times a day. It will make
you look busy, and it'll also give you a chance to rest up for
that long night of crack-smoking.

9. Never shake hands with anyone. Instead, look around with a
confused and worried look on your face. Then walk away,
looking back occasionally as if to let them know that you're
on to them.

10. Make sure you end every memo with the cryptic words "Keep
Hope Alive"

Originally posted by hybridsol
7. Refer to all clients as "Mr. Sulu."


LOL! I can picture that happening :hehehe:

Originally posted by Heep


LOL! I can picture that happening :hehehe:
I'm gonna call my secretary "scotty":cwn27:

Originally posted by hybridsol

I'm gonna call my secretary "scotty":cwn27:
and my boss can be captain.....overkill.....

Another piece of advice. Rome wasn't built by having meetings. It was built by killing all who opposed them.

Originally posted by YogsVR4
Another piece of advice. Rome wasn't built by having meetings. It was built by killing all who opposed them.

:hehehe:

Look at me I'm now a businessman:D

Originally posted by hybridsol
How to Succeed in Business

2. Remember, you've got to spend money to lose money.

8. Defrag your hard drive at least four times a day. It will make
you look busy, and it'll also give you a chance to rest up for
that long night of crack-smoking.

10. Make sure you end every memo with the cryptic words "Keep
Hope Alive"

These are my favourites. 2 and 8 really refer to the IT industry, but 10 is a classic that can be implemented immediately!

Originally posted by YogsVR4
Another piece of advice. Rome wasn't built by having meetings. It was built by killing all who opposed them.

As was Russia. Hel, Stalin couldn't be overthrown if he killed everyone he thought might have said anything bad about him or disagreed with anyhting he said.

On that note, I am off to kill my idot bosses (yes, I have 3 idiot bosses)

Originally posted by higgimonster

On that note, I am off to kill my idot bosses (yes, I have 3 idiot bosses)

Have fun....:devil: