what do you think is the most important element to a healthy marriage?

Trust.

How good the cooking is

Definately the cooking.

The ability to compromise.

swallowing?

swallowing?

Of what sort? cooking or the less moderative sort. I firmly believe a combination of both suits the marriage best.

Clear and positive communication.

Love?

Love?

both love and trust were mentioned... super important yes.. but can you love somebody even though you dont trust them and visa versa? or do you all believe your not in love if you dont trust somebody 100% (100% being key). Lets say you trust them, but due to past experiences (not with that person), you can only really trust ANYBODY 85%...?

:2cents:
If you can't trust your partner, you really shouldn't be together whether you love each other or not. There is no one thing that's more important than the other. I believe all the elements are equally necessary and there are several, including the ones mentioned (well, I dunno about swallowing). However, this is based on what i've learned in communication courses from college. I am not married, nor do i plan to get married for another decade if i stay smart.:wink:

both love and trust were mentioned... super important yes.. but can you love somebody even though you dont trust them and visa versa? or do you all believe your not in love if you dont trust somebody 100% (100% being key). Lets say you trust them, but due to past experiences (not with that person), you can only really trust ANYBODY 85%...?

Cooking was mentioned....




Twice.


You need to trust that the person's cooking is good and edible, and you need communication to make it clear what you want to eat.

so your saying due to yor past experiances with women that you dont trust now? I know my husband has been hurt in the past from other women it took him awhile to trust me but eventually he did, I know I dont trust my husband because he turns on porn everytime i turn back and i have told many times how i felt about porn, he says its a "man thing".......but clearly i dont think it is...he has betrayed me in that way so many times but i still love him more than ever and wouldnt trade him for the world.....so yes you can love somebody if you dont completely trust them 100%....

both love and trust were mentioned... super important yes.. but can you love somebody even though you dont trust them and visa versa?

you can love someone without trusting them, and you can trust them without loving them.

i trust my mate Craig, but i don't love him. (well, i do as a friend, but not in a marriage kind of way.)

I think it is equally important that you know when to lie.

The title is who is married, so who here is actually married and giving their :2cents:
2 years till the day tomorrow and I'll be in this boat.

Cooking was mentioned....




Twice.


You need to trust that the person's cooking is good and edible, and you need communication to make it clear what you want to eat.

And you gotta love what she cooks, right?

And you gotta love what she cooks, right?

Exactly, or the whole thing fails

so your saying due to yor past experiances with women that you dont trust now? I know my husband has been hurt in the past from other women it took him awhile to trust me but eventually he did, I know I dont trust my husband because he turns on porn everytime i turn back and i have told many times how i felt about porn, he says its a "man thing".......but clearly i dont think it is...he has betrayed me in that way so many times but i still love him more than ever and wouldnt trade him for the world.....so yes you can love somebody if you dont completely trust them 100%....

wow... i sometimes still get caught up in the porn thing, and you sound exactly like my wife... in fact, im a little curious if it's not you... knowing more about computers than me by far, it's like she can track my every move since the birth of the internet... but anyways... She doesnt entirely trust me either, as i dont entirely trust her... but the thing is, we could both get um... laid any time we try, so i guess we're working around that... but i was wondering who was married and possibly experiencing the same thing... thanks

I've been married for five years and I'll have to ask my wife for the answer. She knows everything :icon16:



Aside from that, patience is truely a virtue. You'll find that you start taking each other for granted and don't treat them as well as you should. A little effort in remembering why you got married in the first place goes a long way.

Today is my 21st wedding aniversary.
Remind me to ring her and offer my condolences.

Trust or honesty, take your pick.

I've been married for over 5 years...

Trust, cooking, being allowed to look at porn, having a project car to work on, video games, etc... it's all little stuff that adds up to this... you have to compromise. A good marriage isn't about mine and yours. You can try that but you'll end up divorced. I know it's difficult sometimes because I should know being how stubborn I can be. But if you take the time to get to know your better half then you can make things work without even trying... like for me I'm not much into video games and my wife doesn't like them, so she'd rather me look at porn then play videogames. I know this won't work for everybody :lol: I guess if you can't get a voice in at all... well, then maybe you aren't with the right woman...

nobody has said it yet but I believe you need to have a healthy sex life as well. If not you are more than likely to look elsewhere for satisfaction, and that is never good for a relationship.

nobody has said it yet but I believe you need to have a healthy sex life as well. If not you are more than likely to look elsewhere for satisfaction, and that is never good for a relationship.

most often you find that when all the other previous elements arent in check, sex suffers... well... some really good answers here...

a relationship is like familiarity, and I suppose most people feel safer around things they know well, like a good car... you know whats wrong with it, whats not, and what needs to be adressed and what can be put off. I don't think it's ever an easy go, but just like working every day you find ways to cope with it and even enjoy it... hahaha... wow, I dont quite know if I like that analogy. Anyways, one thing I know is you absolutely MUST find new things to do.. like little surprises for the wife... something even out of character. The real challenge is thinking about things beyond some flowers or budget breaking gifts, since we're not all rich ya know...

Whats the best surprise you've given your wife?

Religion, obediance (on both husband and wife) and thats pretty much it.

Religion, obediance (on both husband and wife) and thats pretty much it.
Why again do atheists have a lower divorce rate than most religious people?
I will give you credit for Muslims having a very low divorce rate, but most other religious people divorce at rates higher than atheists.

Why again do atheists have a lower divorce rate than most religious people?
I will give you credit for Muslims having a very low divorce rate, but most other religious people divorce at rates higher than atheists.

Well there's a reason why Muslims and Non Muslims have successful marriages.

1. Arranged marriages. A couple who gets arranged has a divorce rate of 2.7%.

People who date and then get married have a divorce rate of 50 something percent. Which is obviously high.

Religion, obediance (on both husband and wife) and thats pretty much it.

I find it an acceptable answer, but I personally would never be put in a position where an ideology dictated my feelings for another person. Choosing love out of free will is a much more true form of expression.

It doesn't surprise me at all that divorce rates are higher now than they have ever been, and it is a sign that we are free. Since you only get one shot at this life, it's only fitting that you should be able to live it in a way that pleases you... that for me means not having to worry that I'm going to burn in hell because I don't get along well with my wife.

honesty and your spouse being able to handle your honesty...my wife and i talk about any and everything...not every spouse can handle you telling them you were sexually abused as a child or that they want to try a sexual position they learned in college...some people aren't too comfortable with that

I find it an acceptable answer, but I personally would never be put in a position where an ideology dictated my feelings for another person. Choosing love out of free will is a much more true form of expression.

It doesn't surprise me at all that divorce rates are higher now than they have ever been, and it is a sign that we are free. Since you only get one shot at this life, it's only fitting that you should be able to live it in a way that pleases you... that for me means not having to worry that I'm going to burn in hell because I don't get along well with my wife.

Love is free will. Arranged marriage is free will as well. People get confused with "forced" marriage with arranged marriage. Love is like a seed. It needs to grow. I don't believe in love at first site or anything of similar sort.

Well there's a reason why Muslims and Non Muslims have successful marriages.

1. Arranged marriages. A couple who gets arranged has a divorce rate of 2.7%.

People who date and then get married have a divorce rate of 50 something percent. Which is obviously high.

That response has nothing to do with what I asked, which is, if religion is necessary for a successful marriage, then why do atheists have lower divorce rates than every religion but one?



Also I wouldn't say your stat indicates a successful marriage, I would say it indicates a culture where divorce is so unacceptable that people will tolerate any abuse instead of leaving. You're comparing apples to oranges - the divorce rate of arranged marriages IN ONE CULTURE compared to the divorce rate for "love" marriages in A TOTALLY DIFFERENT CULTURE.

To be reasonable you'd have to compare the divorce rates for the two within the SAME culture/country.....even then that's not perfect as the families not choosing arranged marriage are more likely to be "nontraditional" and more open to the possibility of divorce.

Also I wouldn't say your stat indicates a successful marriage, I would say it indicates a culture where divorce is so unacceptable that people will tolerate any abuse instead of leaving. You're comparing apples to oranges - the divorce rate of arranged marriages IN ONE CULTURE compared to the divorce rate for "love" marriages in A TOTALLY DIFFERENT CULTURE.

To be reasonable you'd have to compare the divorce rates for the two within the SAME culture/country.....even then that's not perfect as the families not choosing arranged marriage are more likely to be "nontraditional" and more open to the possibility of divorce.

Check the US. I do agree that some cultures does not accept the divorce but I was talking about here. I should be more specific. I read an article on this particular subject. This also occurs in most European countries.

One thing I haven't seen here is being able to admit you were wrong. Plain and simple, if you can own up to mistakes you made, and your spouse can do the same, it makes for much much less tension in the marriage. Communication is key as well, lack of it is what killed my first marriage. I'm almost 4 years into the second one, and every day is better than the last. We trust each other, and the understanding is we both can look at the menu but can't order the sampler.

Check the US. I do agree that some cultures does not accept the divorce but I was talking about here. I should be more specific. I read an article on this particular subject. This also occurs in most European countries.
I'm not having any luck finding divorce rates for arranged marriages vs love marriages within the same country. Perhaps you have a link?

I'm not having any luck finding divorce rates for arranged marriages vs love marriages within the same country. Perhaps you have a link?

I'll see if I can find it. It's been awhile. I'll find it for you.

I've been married for 22 years this October. IMO the key is fidelity and having enough money to cover the bills or sufficient income to include discretionary money to enjoy life together. Many married people haggle over money and it will cause a marriage to head South in no time. Love although it helps does not put food on the table or cover the basic needs of life. Children is another factor that holds marriages together but may not preclude a divorce in the end.

On the subject of atheism and so called lower divorce rates than other Christians, IMO the so called statistics may be scewed or unreliable. Last time I checked in surveys agnostics are grouped together with atheists and it is not the same idealology or beliefs. Also, atheists have been known to cohabitate a lot more than Christians, therefore when they split there is no real divorce but a common law marriage may be applicable. :2cents:

I've been married for 22 years this October. IMO the key is fidelity and having enough money to cover the bills or sufficient income to include discretionary money to enjoy life together. Many married people haggle over money and it will cause a marriage to head South in no time. Love although it helps does not put food on the table or cover the basic needs of life. Children is another factor that holds marriages together but may not preclude a divorce in the end.

On the subject of atheism and so called lower divorce rates than other Christians, IMO the so called statistics may be scewed or unreliable. Last time I checked in surveys agnostics are grouped together with atheists and it is not the same idealology or beliefs. Also, atheists have been known to cohabitate a lot more than Christians, therefore when they split there is no real divorce but a common law marriage may be applicable. :2cents:

You are correct that the cohabitation rate is higher among atheists as reported by various surveys. However, cohabitation among those who eventually get married has been positively correlated with higher divorce rates. So depending on what percentage of cohabitators eventually marry, the effects may balance out.

I disagree on the amount of overlap between "atheist" and "agnostic". One can both lack belief in a deity and also think that it's impossible to know for sure whether or not there's a deity.

Another variable that the surveys don't really handle well is that they often group atheists or agnostics with non-church-goers - and that's a very diverse group, containing those who are not religious and those who are but are disenfranchised with their current organized faith but have not found an alterntative.

Not one person has mentioned respect, so I will.

Not that other things aren't important, but if you don't have a foundation of respect the other things won't be right.

and lets not forget respect.

anyone mention respect?