I have a number of stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see http://www.eisenhoweruniversity.com. My division deals with prior learning assessment (PLA) and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could turn into an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we mail out degrees in many trades for work experience, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt was an accountant five years ago and you once "balanced your own checkbook." If you expect a university to grant you a degree based on work experience you should have actually, you know, worked in the field for a number of years.

What makes things worse is that the hippies at my university recently artifically lowered the PLA fees to ridiculous levels due to of some kind of "education should be free or almost free" mentality. That means my office gets bombarded with inquiries 24/7 from idiots with no any qualifications or work references at all, who want to trick us into giving them a degree.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our work experience degree program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

I have more stories if you guys are interested. I'll probably be back later tonight since I have something important to do at the moment.

wow.......i'm speechless. And i thought floridians were retarded. i wanna make a prank call like that like call autozone and argue with the salesperson about a 2005 f250 needing spark pugs

not a customer but a guy at my school wanted me to install a tach on his car, had no problem doing it, he came back the next day and said he had a problem, i asked whats wrong, he says that when he starts his car it dosent read "0" it reads just under "1000" i couldnt stop laughing for like a week

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!


Okay, the lady was a totoal flapjack, but I looked this up and it's disturbing; quite the fodder for those paranoids who fear government conspiracy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NESARA_conspiracy_theory

http://www.nesara.us/pages/history.html

Crazy man. Working at a theatre, either in tickets or the concession stand, I see a lot of customers. My biggest pet peeve is when someone complains about the high price of a movie ticket ($9.50 for an adult at night) then pays for it with a credit card. So on top of the high price, you want to pay 24% interest on it?

Another one of my favorites is when an old person walks up to the concession stand, orders, then tells me that they're a senior citizen. Yeah, no, we don't have fucking senior discounts for food you old bat.

Then, the queen of ridiculous customers. I was just starting my shift in the ticket booth and this bitch walks up to me.

Me: Hey, can I help you?

Bitch: Hey, what the hell, you don't have Dreamer?

Me: Oh, yeah, we had it for a while, but I think we just got rid of it today.

Bitch: No, you didn't have it for a while, otherwise I would have seen it.

Me: Well, we did have it. I've worked 30 hour weeks for the past 8 months, I think I would remember it. (this is where I stopped caring about my 'employee standards' and wanted to kill this bitch)

Bitch: Whatever, can you look up the showtimes for it at another theatre.

Me: Oh, no, my computer only has the times for this theatre.

Bitch: Well can you get on a phone and find out for me?

Me: Uh.. we don't have a phone out here.

Bitch: What's that right there then?

Me: That's an intercom, we can't dial out on it.

Bitch: Well how the fuck am I supposed to get the times? Huh? (yes, she really said this)

Me: Yeah, I think a manager can help you out much better.

I then muted my intercom and stepped back. She shouted something at me through the glass then left. What a fucking bitch.

hm...and i thought my job was bad. Although, i don't hear stupid things as much as customers asking for stupid things.

This one time though, a reason why all old people need a license just to go out and socialize with other people, and old man asked me to cut plywood. I work at Home Depot. Well, I cut it and apparently 14 15/18 was not close enough to 14 16/18 and cut idk how many pieces of wood before my supe came and helped me out.

Grab a tape measure and loko for yourself and tell me precision aint a bitch.

I've had people arguing that 17/32 isn't 1/2 inch. No, it's 1/32 of, but once again, precision. I had a hell of a time convinicing the guy nothing in the world is perfect. Yes, I used that phrase after 5 minutes of saying 17/32 is a half inch!

Then the best and most common are people asking use to take stuff out on a forklift or this, kinda like mini forklift for them all the freakin time. 10 bags of concrete, heck ive been asked to take out 5 bags. or customers will come in, give us they're list and watch us as we pull everything. And these are long ass lists. It's not like they can't do it, but somehow they think it's our job.

Ok, i feel better now.

HAHA oh man, old people was the keyword for me remembering my story.

I work at electronics at sears and I asked someone if they needed help, a very old man. He asked for some random appliance and I pointed him to the person who could help him, not 60 feet away. And he asked if I could walk him to him, so I said, hes in the white shirt right over by the dishwashers. He got mad and asked for a manager, so whatever, Im already pissed and I call one. After they talk he asks us how to get out, so we asked him where he parked at and he couldnt remember, so I told him, well theres 3 exits, one by the mall, one by footwear, and one by lawn and garden, pointing each way. And he once again got mad and said "see what i mean", like it was horrible customer service and I was supposed to walk him to his car. We joked about that for weeks.

Old people should not ne allowed outside! THey must apply for that permission. And driving! ah!!!!!!!!!1

Old people should not ne allowed outside! THey must apply for that permission. And driving! ah!!!!!!!!!1

AMEN!

I had a customer one day come up to me:

Customer: Do you know where the dowls are?
Me: Yep, right next to the hardware desk.
Customer: No no no...wood dowls.
Me: OH! Wood dowls ok...yeah, right next to the hardware desk.

Or as I'm leaving to go home for the night with my bright blue uniform on. Got written up for this one.

Customer: Hey! Do you work here?
Me: No, I just wear the uniform for the hell of it.

Customer: Hey! Do you work here?
Me: No, I just wear the uniform for the hell of it.
haha i get that sometimes too. bright green petsmart shirts that say petsmart in like 80 different places. yeah there's been WAY too many idiot comments from people over the last year to recall one specific one. the worst situation was (and i got written up for this and got a talking to for losing a lifelong customer, like i give a shit?)

this lady had just got a new puppy. she had already harrassed my coworkers and they had come up to warn me as the cashier that i'd have some unholy bitch to deal with. she came up and starts putting her stuff on the counter so i could ring it up. i start to and she's like no no no wait..i do'nt think i want that anymore. and she kept pulling more stuff out of her cart and sitting there takling to herself, do i want this one..no or maybe this one would be better. then she walked away with half her shit on the counter, telling me she'd be right back.

there was already a line forming so i called for our other cashier who believes she's above cashier pages and refuses to come check. bitch. things progressed to way worse, and the bitch started screaming and swearing at me and demanded to talk to my manager. and there was a line of 18 people and i was the only cashier. so i had 19 angry people and a pissed off manager. people are gay like that.

I was working at home depot for a lil while, and I worked in hardware. You know, tools etc..because get this, I know tools!

A customer comes up and asked me to help him find a C clamp....easy enough. I take him to plumbing because thats where they are. He says "NO! those arnt them, they look like a C!" me all extra :screwy: because its what we are looking at

I take him all around the store and show him vices, clamps and everything, every time he describes a c-clamp that I already showed him untill he goes off on me "NO FUCKING WONDER home depot dosent make sales...idiots like you cant figure out what a clamp is!" I sugested he goes somewhere else.


When I was working at a game store (table top wargames, models you build, paint and then play a war game with), we had a policy....if you open it and use it no refund or exchange. Its posted everywhere....so a mother comes in with some boxes and paint demanding I refund her. I tell her we cant, this goes on for a while. I am very polite and say it to her again, she demands the manger. Well, I call him...he says "of course not! you know this!" I tell her this and she gets irate and punches the moniter...I should have told her to leave but I didnt...my manager hears this before I hung up and calls back..."Just give her the refund, fuck it!" Well, its on a credit card, I cant give cash I need the card. She dosent have it (she told me her son got it with her cash...:rolleyes:) so I tell her I need that card to process it. She says "FINE asshole, keep it!" and throws the can of spraypaint into my head and runs away....

I dont work retail anymore

i wanna make a prank call like that like call autozone and argue with the salesperson about a 2005 f250 needing spark pugs
And tell them it's a diesel, so you need the special diesel spark plugs! And just insist on it. I'd like to see what they do then, haha. That would be great.

I love this thread. I work at a Pizza place. Its located in LEXINGTON, MN.

Lady calls up and i answer the phone.

Me: Carbones in LEXINGTON, how can i help you?
Lady: Yes do you deliver to ______?
Me: No, im sorry its out of our delivery area, you can place an order for pickup though.
Lady: Okay, but first i need to know how to get to your store.
Me: I know exactly where she is coming from so i give her the easiest directions.
Lady: What city are you in?
Me: Lexington...(i've said it already)
Lady: Thats not a city. You must mean Blaine.
Me: No, Lexington is the city we are in, we're right of Lexington Ave.
Lady: Oh lexington ave, so your in Circle Pines.
Me: (im getting pissed) NO, the city is LEXINGTON.
The lady continued to argue with me that lexington wasnt a city and i was wrong. I finally got sick of her shit and gave the phone to the co-owner. I dont know how she got the lady to believe lexington was a city, but she did it.

We commonly get calls from people out of our area who insist that "just the other day" we did in fact deliver a pizza to them. Answer is always the same, "im sorry but if we did it was a mistake and we dont deliver to your address, sorry for the confusion" People get so upset over this is unbelievable.
Just the other day a lady called and said, "I have a coupon for a large 2 topping pizza. What toppings come on that?....i just sat it amazement for a moment...finally replied with, "what ever toppings you want." The coupon actually says right on the top "YOU CHOOSE ANY 2 TOPPING LARGE PIZZA"

Last Nov. we stopped taking checks, so we started accepting credit cards over the phone for deliverys. So now whenever someone calls and wants to use a check they take this very personal and claim they dont have bad checks so we have to take them. No, we dont. Now stfu. Recently a guy called and placed an order...took about 10 minutes and was a 75$ order. To complete i asked, "cash or credit?" He said check, when i told him we didnt accept checks he sternly said," Fine im never fucking ordering from you again." and hung up. I couldnt stop laughing.

Dang, I'm starting to like at dung eating retards that come to Safeway now.
1.My biggest pet peeves is having 40+ items in the express 9 or less items lane. AND/OR being on Cell phone while i'm ringing you up, BUT stop the conversation to bitch quickly about a price

2.next is when they get to the checkout, and "i don't want this or this, also where is _____ located? ~Well, about 1 ft from the last thing that you said "you don't want". Look next time, the aisles have hanging signs at the front and back of them letting you know the type of items on them, additionally, theres small hanging signs above different sections, like "soup", "asian foods", "pasta".... etc. etc.

3. When you know your credit card or foodstamps are maxed out, but "theres gotta be some in there, call this 1-800 number that I have in my hand to verify it. ~really.... give me 10 minutes and I'll have a 1-800 number too.

4. when you ask me to come home with you and put this stuff away that you just bought. ~ only desperate housewives say this one....

5. when you remark between a rush, "gee you were just standing there just for me".... WRONG, i am standing here because it is my job, you asshat.
6. when my apron is off, shirt is unbuttoned, and I'm on my cell, "do you work here?" ~No, I like this color of shirt. WTF???

7. when you start giving me your club card information, when you can easily type it in yourself on the PINPAD to the right of me. ~you are lazy.... when I am scanning your foods, and next thing I hear is 303-690-XXXX, I IGNORE YOU.

8. when you bitch to me about the prices! ~SORRY, I'll take a paycut so your grocery bill will not be such a burden on you and your family. Better yet, go to King Soopers, since they are have lower prices on ____ and ___ that you wanted.

9. when its 12:30am, and you cannot buy beer.~ YES, its my fault, since I set up a "blue law" which states that alcohol cannot be sold in a grocery store or liquor store after 12:00am.

10. When you SMELL!!!!!!! like heavy chain smoking... you all know what I mean. Your eyes start burning, nose hair feels like its on fire, and you just feel like vomiting because of the smell.

11. When you lean in to talk to me. ~ I think most people find this offensive, and rude. I like my space. I wish I can find a different way to put it, but just get away from me. I feel no need what so-ever to have you near me, please remove yourself from my field of vision.


Sorry guys its not all things that customers have said, but really have done! hope you all don't start coming to my work and doing this stuff now.

Old people should not ne allowed outside! THey must apply for that permission. And driving! ah!!!!!!!!!1 Some of you people complaning about old people are very inconsiderate. They fact is that not only does the rest of their body age, but the brain too. It does not react or function as quickly as when they were young. Give them a break and a little respect for making it through life this far and putting up with inconsiderate, impatient people. I promise you will go through the very same things as you get old, and you will get old too, there is no getting away from it. Yes, there are some real idiots out there that are hard to deal with, but old people can't make themselves young again to please you. So next time you lose you patience with an old perso, remember you will be one sooner than you think.

Tony, Good point on the old folks (OFs as my dad, who is 78, calls himself and them - as a joke as in "Old Fuckers". Not all old people are idiots).



I used to work in airline reservations. Our hub was in Chicago. This lady from New York calls me and checks on her husband's flight. Since there was a blizzard in Chicago and there was 3' of snow on the ground, nothing was moving for several hours until the storm stopped. Of course she was very obnoxious and her husband's flight, of course, was on the ground in Chicago. This bitch expected me (sitting in Virginia) to get her husband's runway plowed and get his plane in the air, because he was going to miss his meeting in Australia. I tried everything from "There's 3' of snow on the ground, Ma'am" to "How can I do anything, I'm in Virginia" and several other tactics as she ranted and raved.

After more than 15 minutes of her shit, I'd had enough. I finally repeated, "Ma'am" about 20 times until she said, "Yes?" and shut up. Then I told her that her choices were to have her husband arrive late for the meeting, or to die on the runway in Chicago, and which would she choose. Then she said, "oh" and hung up.

Wow, I'm so glad that I worked as a stockboy in a supermarket for most of high school and I hardley had to deal with stupid people like that. If anything, I'd have to tell people where stuff is, or tell them what was on sale by READING THE SIGN ON THE SHELF for them.

Some of you people complaning about old people are very inconsiderate. They fact is that not only does the rest of their body age, but the brain too. It does not react or function as quickly as when they were young. Give them a break and a little respect for making it through life this far and putting up with inconsiderate, impatient people. I promise you will go through the very same things as you get old, and you will get old too, there is no getting away from it. Yes, there are some real idiots out there that are hard to deal with, but old people can't make themselves young again to please you. So next time you lose you patience with an old perso, remember you will be one sooner than you think.

Go live in south western FL for a little while, like Tampa or Sarasota. Your views will change instantaniously. Its not the fact that we are being inconsiderate, its the fact that we are right. 90% of the elderly I see driving should not be. They are the cause of two of my accidents, and countless more from what Ive seen. Maybe saying they shouldnt be let outside is a little much, but retaking a test for a drivers liscense isnt too much to ask, dont you think?

Go live in south western FL for a little while, like Tampa or Sarasota. Your views will change instantaniously. Its not the fact that we are being inconsiderate, its the fact that we are right. 90% of the elderly I see driving should not be. They are the cause of two of my accidents, and countless more from what Ive seen. Maybe saying they shouldnt be let outside is a little much, but retaking a test for a drivers liscense isnt too much to ask, dont you think?


Agreed. All drivers should have to take a driving test every few years, and more often as they age.


/off topic

i just love it when people are blabbing on their cell phones while you try and check them out, then give you dirty looks when you try and give them their total or ask them any other necessary questions that go along with their purchase. one time, a lady even apologized to the person she was on the phone with about having to checking out while on the phone with her!

Heh. Luckily for me, i don't work directly with customers on a day-to-day basis, as i'm a mechanic. But the thing that sucks is sometimes i have to try to figure out wtf a customer is talking about based on what the service writer put down on the repair order. And considering its a Lexus dealer, if its not ABSOFUCKINGLUTLEY PERFECT.... then it's wrong.

lets see, this past winter we got a lot of "my windows won't roll down" especially after sleet/ice storms... hmm...

got one the other day "customer states seatbelt buckle is sticking when trying to unbuckle" ok.. check it out, the damn thing is fine, of course. Come to find out that the man who owns the car is a large man. Large. If theres pressure on the seatbelt, its not gonna come undone as easily.

One time had a customer who barely knew english but he was trying, i'll give him that" that just had snowtires mounted on his LS. He comes right back and says i must have broken something becasue he hears plastic scraping on the ground when he's driving. I go on a testdrive with him, and i had to reassuare him for 20 minutes that the 'scraping' he heard is the sound of winter tires. He still didnt believe me. Gah.

Oh the best one was the other week "customer states that car is surging and bucking on highway" and this is a 2k5 RX, so my interest was piqued. I bring it on the highway, and the thing is smooth as a babys butt... aside from the stiff suspension and dash squeaks and rattles... anyway, i bring it back and put the obligatory "could not verify customer concern" on the RO and i thought i was done. Nope, he comes back and not happy. I and the service writer are trying to talk to him in his broken english. He says it does it to him all the time, i tell him that i couldnt get it to happen. finally after much communication breakdown, i had an awesome idea;
Me: "Sir, how fast are you going when this happens"
Guy: "115. Go bring out and see!"
Me: "I'm sorry sir, but we do not drive that fast when we testdrive vehicles"
Guy: "but the speedometer says 160, why i cant go 160!"
Me: "Sir, the car has a speed governor at 115." Took a while to explain to him exactly what a speed governor was
Guy: "oh..... can you take it out?"
Me: "...............no."

Afterwards i had to explain to him that even if i could take out the governor, the car still wasn't going to hit 160. Yech..

SOme old lady walked up to me and asked "do you sell boat propellors"?

By the way , this took place at a Target store.

I was tempted to tell her we had them in seasonals, but I pussyed out and told her we unfortunately dont have them.

She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days.

You should have reported her to Homeland Security. Her threat wasn't real but the Feds would have been all over her ass with a microscope.

Some of you people complaning about old people are very inconsiderate. They fact is that not only does the rest of their body age, but the brain too. It does not react or function as quickly as when they were young. Give them a break and a little respect for making it through life this far and putting up with inconsiderate, impatient people. I promise you will go through the very same things as you get old, and you will get old too, there is no getting away from it. Yes, there are some real idiots out there that are hard to deal with, but old people can't make themselves young again to please you. So next time you lose you patience with an old perso, remember you will be one sooner than you think.

You believe those who are joking about old people are gonna stop doing that now? And do you think they didn't know any of that you just wrote?

tony36 is right though. We all get old. Driving is one thing, but their memory and sight etc. is what it is. I live in the Tampa area, and I believe they should have to get tested to keep their license. Some guy just killed a homeless suse because he didn't see him ,and forgot where he was. Drove like 19 miles or some such nonsense with a dead man on his windshield. The rest of it I don't see though.

Some of you people complaning about old people are very inconsiderate. They fact is that not only does the rest of their body age, but the brain too. It does not react or function as quickly as when they were young. Give them a break and a little respect for making it through life this far and putting up with inconsiderate, impatient people. I promise you will go through the very same things as you get old, and you will get old too, there is no getting away from it. Yes, there are some real idiots out there that are hard to deal with, but old people can't make themselves young again to please you. So next time you lose you patience with an old perso, remember you will be one sooner than you think.

look genius, you said it yourslef. their brains age therefore , they shouldn't be in an enviroment that moves too fast for their brain. and wtf!?! ill get old too? Ya think stupid? I'm up for stayin' in my house so i dont slap everyone with a cane as i know i would. Fucking people...create a valid arguement before you state it.

As for Home Depot, another thing was that I was on the other end of the store in flooring. now, customers may not know where each emploee works, but I had LUMBER written just like that on my apron. bold cap letters. He asks me a question abotu light bulbs and i proceed with,

me: "im not sure, but let me call and get someone over here to help." plus, i was hauling a trash behind
customer: "you work at home depot right"
me: "actually no."
customer "what's that mean?"
me: "that i dont work here"
i proceeded taking the garbage away and he just walked away.

another thing. all the time customers insist on saying what it is we carry and where it is. yeah, always takes a manager or something to come over and say, "no, we don't have it" or "we've never carried that product"

oh, since i work in lumber, we have a saw. Also, apparently because we have a saw, it can cut anything! and for some people, it really is anything. had people bring me a metal pole and asked to cut it down. wtf!?! its a freakin table saw!

Back to old people...

A lot of spectators come to my job to watch the skydivers land, mostly older people from the area.

One day, this guy had a cutaway (where they cut their main parachute away, and they ride their reserve parachute down to the ground...). When they cutaway, the main parachute just goes off and lands wherever. Well, I knew it had happened and we had talked to the guy who did it, and this old man comes up to the window telling me that someone didn't pull their parachute and blah, blah, blah. After calmly explaining to him what had happened, he yelled at me and told me I didn't know what I was talking about.

He told everyone else that I work with about it and they all tried to explain it to him, too. He walked away shouting to whoever was with him that we didn't care. He then proceeded to dial 911, which in turn caused news crews to come out there. For nothing.

Aaagghhh...so frustrating.

i would sometimes work at the canteen at this place with gokarts, driving range, mini put, etc. the most frequently asked question is "what do you guys sell here" when right beside me is the list of products and prices. i also got "do you sell fries" alot, like it's a small shack type thing, there's no room for a deep fryer and there's no back room, do you see anywhere where fries could be cooked? no, so why are you asking.

When i was working on the gokart track i got this one person, she was foreign, and she kept the gas floored and used the brake to slow down. i then proceded to explain to her, using many hand and head signals, that you're only supposed to push one pedal at a time and you aren't supposed to push them both at the same time. she then kept going and did the same thing for the whole lap, which is horrible for the clutch. i explained to her again the next time she came around and she still didn't understand.

finally all her tickets were done so she was supposed to go back into the pit but of course she didn't understand when the people explained it to her before she went out. anyways i told her to let go of the pedals and ill drive her onto the grass and let her off, she does it, then i start driving and she pushes the brake, i almost fall off, i tell her not to push the pedals, she stops pushing them, then when i try to steer her towards the grass, she starts trying to steer away. now i was stronger than her so i got her onto the grass. then i told her to keep her helmet on and walk over to the exit, she gets out, takes off her helmet and starts walking on the track to go around the tires and into the pit, so i run over to her, tell her to put her helmet on and walk over the tires, she puts her helmet on, walks three steps, then takes it off, i tell her again, she puts it on, walks around the tires, takes her helmet off and walks accross all the karts and out the exit. some people are just retarded, i don't care if you don't understand english, i explained it well enough that i didn't need words.

Here's another antecdote:

As a teenager I worked in a Domino's pizza. One day some guy came into my work and asked if he could buy cupcakes and have us bake them into his pizza.

He was very fat and very serious.

And one more:

A few years ago I was working in the tech shop of a CompUSA. I had a customer give me grief for shaking a CD-R. He eyed me angrily and snapped, "Don't do that! You'll make all the data fall off!"

haha lemme gues, he was a southerner?

i've also gotten a bunch of idiots that will bump eachother (we tell them not to) and make a really loud noise doing so right in front of me, then try to say they didn't do it.

I too work in a grocery store, and I thought I had heard it all until the other day. I'm used to "you had it last week" and crap like that, but this one was different. The store I'm currently in has only been there for about 11 years. Before that there was a sawmill on the site. I had one idiot trying to tell me that they had been shopping there for 20 years and how did we manage to remodel the place overnight. Tried to explain that 12 years ago there was a functioning sawmill where we were standing, but he insisted. Called his wife over, she pulled him away and apologized for him, saying he was confused about where he was. I asked her where they had shopped for the last 20 years, she said right here. Ok, walk into the back room to laugh.

As for cell phones, I'm in a fringe coverage area at work, most phones work in the front of the store but not in the back. Has something to do with a large metal roof and the granite ledges behind the store, common sense stuff. Its great when people come up and bitch about the electronics we use at work blocking cell phones. You're grocery shopping, not carrying on a conversation jackass, if you want to stand around and talk go outside!!!!! Wow, that felt good.

A few years ago I was working in the tech shop of a CompUSA. I had a customer give me grief for shaking a CD-R. He eyed me angrily and snapped, "Don't do that! You'll make all the data fall off!" hahahah that's sigged!

Some of you people complaning about old people are very inconsiderate. They fact is that not only does the rest of their body age, but the brain too. It does not react or function as quickly as when they were young. Give them a break and a little respect for making it through life this far and putting up with inconsiderate, impatient people. I promise you will go through the very same things as you get old, and you will get old too, there is no getting away from it. Yes, there are some real idiots out there that are hard to deal with, but old people can't make themselves young again to please you. So next time you lose you patience with an old perso, remember you will be one sooner than you think.

You know that might be true. I'm still saying it though, old people shouldn't be allowed out of a house.

Anyway, lucky for me though, all of my jobs I've never had to deal with people. Which is a good thing because I'd be one of those guys you'd hear about on the 6 o'clock news that gunned down an asshat cutomer.

My best was, "Oh, my, what a nice shape for a mirror", re the back of a CD-R. Save us from the morons, lol.

then there's the people who want to return something. typically anyone who wants to return something is viewed as "the enemy". one time i had this little asian guy bring in his entire like 60 gallon aquarium, still soaked in water and all this tubing and decorations and EVERYTHING ripped apart and wet like he had just dismantled it 15 minutes prior. he had no packages, no tags, nothing and wanted to return it all. it took 45 minutes and a team of about 4 of us to figure out wth everything was and get him his $300 CASH back cuz he didn't have his credit card with him.
and then there's the people that just KNOW they bought the thing there, even tho they don't have a receipt from your store, nor is it a product we have ever carried, and the price sticker is a kind that we have never ever used. but he KNEW he bought it there and was adament about it. right.
:banghead:

and then there's the people that just KNOW they bought the thing there, even tho they don't have a receipt from your store, nor is it a product we have ever carried, and the price sticker is a kind that we have never ever used. but he KNEW he bought it there and was adament about it. right.
:banghead:

HAha... I know what you mean Danielle. I get prople trying to returm items with a "KROGER" label. I try to explain to them that this is "SAFEWAY" Its a totally different company, owned by different people. I love it when they say "I know I bought it here (or the spouse did) with the wrong label being on the product.) The big "S" on my apron isn't for superman. You f**ing tool. with the way I hate stupid people, rude comments, ok ANY comment, I'm surprized that I haven't gotten fired yet.

The big "S" on my apron isn't for superman. You f**ing tool.
omg! superman! i didn't know you were superman..lol yeah i hate stupid people too. like seriously, how did they graduate high school, let alone college and NOW can hold a job? makes me have faith life is going to get easier if you can be that dumb and still succeed.

more like, How do you make it out of your house each day and function?

OO i have some good ones. I work at Hurrican Harbor in CA so we get alot of people that have never seen any more water than in a bath tub and stuff like that. The best one i can think of is this:

Its September and its getting pretty cold, so its a slow day and we are just hanging out not doing to much of anything. Its cloudy and probably 60ish so there are very few people in the park. We get this middle aged Asian woman that comes up with her kids and wants a locker. Ok no problem. So i give her a key and she comes back 2 minutes later and says that her locker is smaller than the rest. (all 500 are the same size) i explain to her that the ones on the wall look bigger because they are taller but they arent as deep so they are all still the same size. she continues to bitch about it so i just change her locker. After another hour or so she comes up and wants her money back because shes leaving because its too cold and her kids are getting pnenomia (her words exactly) so here is the enusing "talk"

Me: Sorry but we cant refund your money because of the weather
Her: You shouldnt open the park on days like this. Its too cold! You should put a sign out front or something! (look up bitch, see the clouds?) Let me talk to your manager!
(so i call up my supe and have him come out)
Supe:Mam we cannot refund your 3 dollar charge, only the 2 dollar deposit.
Her: Thats an outrage! I am going to write you both up! Give me a pen and paper to write your names down! (hahaha ya right physco) but since my supe is there i give it to her. shes walks over to guest relations like 10 feet away from the locker place (where im at) and she begins fighting with the people there to give her back her admission money. Her children are still shaking and begging her to leave and get warm. After another 10 minutes of fighting with the general manager of the whole friggin park we call security on her and escort her out. friggin bitch. she threatend to never come back and weve lost her business (multi million dollar park, not going to make a difference). ah we still laugh about that.

We get other people that come and want to rent an inflatable tube and they call them cherrios or floaties or O's or 2-seaters or even balloons. GRRR

We also get people that ask where the bathrooms are and i point them in the direction and they are like "o thats too far, ill just go in the water" asses.

i used to work at a gas station and i hated it when people would come in and ask "how much are cigarettes?" we only had like 50 fucking brands.....one day i was questioning this retarded guy with a speech impediment and he cussed me because he didn't believe what i was telling him...ugh

We also get people that ask where the bathrooms are and i point them in the direction and they are like "o thats too far, ill just go in the water" asses.
lmfao...hahaha

I had a customer yesterday ask where the restrooms are. Well, i point down the store at the flooring sign, cause the restroom sign is right under it, all in black, but smaller. Well, he took a glance then said "ok" and then continued to look at me. so i said,

me: "see the black sign under it?"
customer: "yeah" (contines to look at me)
me: "see the white arrow pointing to the left???"
customer: "yeah" (keeps looking at me)
me: "well, follow the arrow and that's where the restrooms are"
customer: "ok"

my god, you retail people dont even understand the shit i have to go through daily, you think the 10 minutes you have to sit through listening to a customer bitch at you, in your store, is bad, you have no idea how fucking retarded people can be.(Trust me i know i used to manage a conveince store, and i have worked retail)let me explain my job

basically i get a big fucking vacuum and suck stuff out of peoples carpets,sounds fun right?

Basically im a carpet cleaner
Who gets their carpets cleaned?
-Rich, anal retentive, dirty fuckers

Ok some basics, I can get alot of stains/spots out of your carpet, but it is impossible to get some stains out, some people do not understand why their 12 year old carpet does not look brand new. Now add that to the fact that 90% of customers are rich pricks, you better be able to be one good BSer to convince this IT grad why that shit wont come out,(Ex. I tell people when dog piss doesnt come out it is because pet food manufactures put dye in dog food, and the dye isnt digested because it is of no nutritional value thus ending up in the dogs piss on your dam carpet, and there is nothing i can do about dye on your carpet. I have no fucking idea how pet food is manufactured but its a good story.)Highly developed customer service skills are a must.

Now here is where anal retentive pricks come in
Lets start with furniture moving, some people expect me to move their 600lb beds for them, pick up their spoiled brats 5 billion hot wheel cars, and i fuckin hate those airsoft BB's the dam things are like 1/16 of a n inch too big to be sucked up by the vaccumm (man this feels good:bananasmi)
-fuck off, you didnt pay me to move your goddam furniture you payed me to clean your carpets, have the shit out of the way by the time i get there
- there is no point in moving your fucking dining room table to clean the total 1 1/2" space where the legs contact the ground, I have had several "disagreements*" with people over this issue Ex.

( Im In a house that was fucking spotless (6000+ sqft,multi million dollar home)and no point in being cleaned in the first place, and trust me I see dirt, its what I do, youd be horrified at what i could point out to you in your home, but this bitch was spotless)
Me: I can actually get everywhere under that table except exactly where the legs are touching the ground
Bitch: SO I still want under those legs cleaned, they did it last time
Me:OK SO if they did it last time and sat it back in the same spot so theres no way any dirt can get under there
Bitch: But thats the point of getting it cleaned to get everywhere
Me:well that means ill have to spend another hour in your home moving and padding up all the little legged things that i could just get around, and if my gooddam cat walks in front of the screen one more time, i have to see to type.
Bitch: And your point?
ME: I have 4 other house to clean today i dont have time for that
(this is the point where i turned off my ears and had the rest of the conversation in my head)
Bitch:blahablabhlabhlhalbhlahblhablhablhablhab
me: fuck off bloody bird
Bitch:blahblabhblahblahblahblhablhabhlblah

I have had people who were so bloody anal, I just had to tell them their a nutcase and walk off the job

(Different house, as soon as she open door to talk to me)
me:hello ma'm how are you doing this morning?(in my studdly slow southern drawl)
Bitch: Its 8:00am what are you doing here?
me:the appointment was between 8-9
Bitch: were not ready yet, usually you guys are late or dont show up at all
me: sorry for being on time
bitch: i dont like the way you parked your gonna have to move it
( i had backed up to her back door between a pole and a trailer,in her driveway)
me: whats wrong with how i parked/
bitch: you almost hit my trailer, how are you gonna get outta of their without hitting my trailer?
me: well i backed it between that pole and trailer im pretty sure i can pull out straight foward without hitting anything
bitch: well you cant park there anyway that is a [exaggeratelyslow]walkway
walkway, not a driveway[/likeimretardedorsumthin]
(i guess you could call it a walkway leading from her house to a seperate metal builing/garage. There was a good 3 ft of clearance for the walkway)
me: well is there anyone that will be needing to use that walkway
bitch: no but thats not the point
bitch:just come in but ill be watching you
me::screwy:



Then i had to spend the next 21/2 hours being her personal bitch cleaning her house

i set a fucking flower basket on her hardwood floor and heard about it the rest of the fucking time
"you better not scratch my 30 thousand dollar hardewood floor ill have your ass"

wow that was like one of my longest posts, if i could remeber more i would put it down

*Substituted for "Eat shit and Die bitch"

hahaha, i hear ya on that! I worked installing direct TV for people. Some people were totally cool, even offering to help. Some would be so fucking anal! Basically...same as your story. We arn't sposto move anything...but then we get to homes with like...400lb antiques and they are all "Your big...move it!" meanwhile their 20+ sons who work out at the guy instead of a job because they are rich fucks stand and laugh.

One guy tried threatining me with a hammer because his phones went dead a few days after I did an install there. I didnt touch his phones...but he wouldnt take it. I came close to tearing his head off...but I restrained and in professional...although very loud manner said "SIR, you need to calm down NOW!" and I raised my clipboard like I was going to battle his hammer with it. Keep in mind this guy is all riped, like tear a door off. He backed down and was all "Man...you dont know how controlled Im being.." I just looked him in the eyes and said "Sir...you dont have any idea how controlled I am keeping myself" and he muttered something and wouldnt look me in the eyes again.

One guy tried threatining me with a hammer because his phones went dead a few days after I did an install there. I didnt touch his phones...but he wouldnt take it. I came close to tearing his head off...but I restrained and in professional...although very loud manner said "SIR, you need to calm down NOW!" and I raised my clipboard like I was going to battle his hammer with it. Keep in mind this guy is all riped, like tear a door off. He backed down and was all "Man...you dont know how controlled Im being.." I just looked him in the eyes and said "Sir...you dont have any idea how controlled I am keeping myself" and he muttered something and wouldnt look me in the eyes again.
haha i remember you telling me that. i bet he was checking out your :naughty: and stopped trying to fight you right there cuz he's sick and weird or something like that :eek:

hahahaha, probally. It mesmorises people :p.

I used to work at a gas station. This place is like no other place on earth. In the year and a half I worked there I had like three customers that I would consider normal people. The rest were either drunks or hooked on drugs, or both. I had a guy come in and after buying his 40 oz. ask me completely straight faced to sell him weed. After telling him no, he was like "come on man." As if that would have made a difference. "Oh, you were persistant so here you go." Idiots.

at my summer job i got a group of people who got kicked off of the gokart track and started complaining about the prices at the canteen, yeah like i can do anything about them, anyways they hung around the place for like half an hour, then one of them walks up and asked me for some weed. lol i pointed them to another person who worked there lol.

i used to work at Target......quit that shit as soon as i could.

i had the glorious job of working customer service. most refunds/exchanges/etc go easily because Target's policies are so open and we'll pretty much let you use something for 90 days then return it.


one time this guy who had to be in his 80's or 90's came in with a cardboard box full of weed killer, spray paint, magazines, and a box of macaroni and cheese.....no joke......he says he wants to return it all.

he even had his reciepts for everything.

i was like "wtf?" because i hadn't seen any of it on the shelves. i ask him if he's sure he bought it at target, he says yes. the computer keeps giving me the "UPC not on file" error because it's not in our stores inventory.

so i start looking through this stuff, it's all OLD. OLD OLD OLD!!!! the most recent product was the weed killer that had "Copyright 1993" on it!!!!!!!

the magazine was a Motor Trend from like 1992, and the mac and cheese i didnt touch.


i tell this guy like 40 times that our return policy is only valid for 90 days yada yada.....apparently this guy still thought we were at war in Somalia.

he keeps demanding his money back and says he'll never shop with us again blah blah blah.

so i call my manager over and explain the situation to him.....he was like "wtf?" too lol.

anyway, we end up just giving him cash for the value of all the reciepts and just throw the shit away.

^sell out! :grinno:

yeah, we have people bring back cut wood at Home Depot. How we suppose to sell a 2"x4"x8' that's only 6' long. Orr returns people suck!

i hated working in gas stations and when peoples total is $6.66 and they are like ahhhh....add a penny on to that....grrrrrr

Awesome thread :thumbsup:

When a visitor information officer:

Because we were very small at the time we didn't do bookings. This woman comes in and says "I wanna catch a ferry to the South Island." so, I start giving her directions how to get there. She says "No, I want to make a booking."
-"Okay, you'll have to give them a call with your credit card number to book a trip. We don't actually do bookings, unfortunately."
"Yes you do."
-"I'm sorry, no we don't."
"Yes you do! I saw in a booklet it said I have to make a booking with an info centre and you're an info centre so you have to make the booking!"

I then had to explain to her without strangling her that because we weren't an i-Site at the time we couldn't make the booking. She eventually got the message.

Then there was the one guy who, every Saturday, would come and grab a few of the free papers that were there and go "Can I take this?". It's like, no, sorry, they're just there for show. I've been here two fucking years and every Saturday you ask me that question. You fucking prat.

When working as a sales consultant at a diesel specialist:

We sold random other performance parts as well as diesel and turbocharger bits and pieces. This guy rolls up in a Renault Clio, walks in all staunch with his kid, he must be in his forties or something, comes up to me and looks at me like I'm scum and he's only half paying attention and goes,

"You guys sell those LED muffler tips?"

After nearly choking, I point him to the rice dealers down the road.

When working in a Bed, bath & beyond type of homewares place:

I accidentally charged a woman for a shaver, because I was checking it's price and didn't clear the receipt before swiping her stuff. She comes back, so I say, "okay, that was my mistake, so what I'll do is simply refund you the amount we overcharged you by and put it back on your credit card."

-"That's too complicated."

I had to explain to this fucking useless bitch about 7 times what we were doing and that I wasn't trying to fuck her over, and while I'm doing the refund she just goes "is this your first day? Why are you making all these mistakes?" I just calmly finish shit up, then she goes all friendly and says "That's okay, I work in a shop as well, these things happen."

What the FUCK? Fuck off and die.

She came back later the afternoon, but one of the girls there warned me so I hauled ass to the outdoor department where I belonged.



It's funny though, I love customer service and take great pride in my job, but some people just need to get a fucking clue.

It's funny though, I love customer service and take great pride in my job, but some people just need to get a fucking clue.


I agree, i love working with people. But there are some that just dont get it. When i have to explaine something about 5 times for you to get it....i get angry.

Ah...this thread reminds me why I love to only ineract mainly with a computer. It's usually pretty coperative.

Ah...this thread reminds me why I love to only ineract mainly with a computer. It's usually pretty coperative.

You lucky bastard, having a computer that cooperates.

so how long have credit cards been around? a long time, that's what i thought. i understand that from store to store all the machines have variations but c'mon people, they ask all the same questions and it's the same principle. these idiots act like it's the first time they've ever used a credit card or seen a credit card machine.

i've seen people try and scan their cards upside down and backwards. the magnetic strip was facing them sticking up and they still kept sliding the raised name part thru the machine. i don't even bother trying to explain it to them because i've learned that they still don't get it no matter what you say. i just take their card away from them and do it for them.

once they finally get the damn card scanned, they sit there and stare at the screen all perplexed like "wtf, it says credit or debit but idk what to pick.." it pisses me off cuz the screen looks like this:

<<<<<<<<credit debit>>>>>>>>>>>>
and the arrows go all the way to the edge of the screen up the the button you push. and people will stare at it and then be like "..but i want credit..how do i get credit"