i am looking for a good deadener thats not quite as $$ as SS or dynamat. i want something that will block out road and exhaust noise very well and keep in music decently. i also wondered what is the key temp to lay deadener, what to clean the surface with your deadening, etc.

well...SPL vehicles deaden their vehicles doors and all with cement....thouhg im sure that is a little extreme for you. ehh...im not going to make any company reccomendations because all otehr ocmpanies that make dampening have either very good or very bad reviews. i personally haveo nly had experence with dynamat. just remember that the greater the mass of your dampening the greater sound absorbing properties it has. ie... the more it weighs the more sound it will absorb.

brownbread, b-quiet, raamat

keep in mind all the cheaper alternatives are asphault based, which means they will smell and they won't be able to stand up to heat as well as a butyl based deadener like SS or dynamat. Also, SS probably isn't as expensive as you think:
http://www.secondskinaudio.com/specialpricing.html

which type of ss do u recomend if any?

any of them really

if you just want to do mass-loading then the spectrum would work for everything except the trunk lid and doors, or the damplifier or damplifier pro would work for anything. None of those will absorb ambient sound though, they'll help block engine, exhaust, and road noise by reducing vibrations, but if you really want to deaden the car then you'll need some sort of ambient sound absorber. That's what "overkill" is, but I've also heard good things about using carpet padding for this purpose. I still have yet to find a carpet supply store that sells something other than the normal foam-based crap (it is not fire resistant, and if it gets wet it will hold the water and mildew, it's not a good choice for cars). When I find something that will work I plan on getting ~150sqft of that (I already have 120sqft of matting) and I'll see what kind of difference it makes.

Here's a link that explains more about the carpet padding
http://www.clubprotege.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7668

If you really want to deaden your car you need to do both, but if you don't want to do both then start with the mass-loading. Use the mat in the doors and the mat or the liquid anywhere else.