And some more jokes to pass time
Raz_Kaz
10-06-2004, 05:09 PM
Aug 6, 2004(Reuters) Professor Sanford Calhoun of the
materials engineering Dept. of Texas A&M today
announced a new bra that will prevent women's breasts
from jiggling and won't show the hardened
nipples when the weather turns cold.
Aug 7, 2004 (Reuters) The faculty of the materials
engineering Dept. of Texas A&M today took Professor
Sanford Calhoun outside & beat the shit out of him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
More Hilarious Techinical Support Customers
. Compaq is considering changing the command Press Any Key to Press Return
Key because of the flood of calls asking where the Any key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn`t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the Send key.
4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was Bad and an invalid. The tech explained that the computer`s bad command and invalid responses shouldn`t be taken personally.
6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it couldn`t find printer. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn`t see the printer.
7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn`t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened. The foot pedal turned out to be the computer`s mouse...
8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn`t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, What power switch?
9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn`t even fit it in... The user hadn`t realized that Insert Disk 2 implied removing Disk 1 first.
10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
CALLER: Hello, is this Tech Support?
TECH: Yes, it is. How may I help you?
CALLER: The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?
TECH: I`m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?
CALLER: Yes, it`s attached to the front of my computer.
TECH: Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it`s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?
CALLER: It came with my computer. I don`t know anything about a promotional. It just has `48X` on it. At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn`t stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.
11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under windows; The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."
12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: O.K. Bob, let`s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter P to bring up the Program Manager.;
CUSTOMER: "I don`t have a `P`. "
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob. "
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: "P` on your keyboard, Bob.;
CUSTOMER: "I`m not going to do that!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
How different professional have sex
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ANSI does it in the standard way
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.
BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.
BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.
BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.
BEER DRINKERS get more head.
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.
BOSSES delegate the task to others.
BOWLERS have bigger balls.
BRICKLAYERS lay all day.
BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.
BUTCHERS have better meat.
C'Bers do it on the air.
CAMPERS do it in a tent.
CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.
CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.
CHEMISTS like to experiment.
CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.
CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.
CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.
CLOWNS do it for laughs.
COACHES whistle while they work.
COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.
COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.
COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.
COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.
CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.
COPS have bigger guns.
COWBOYS handle anything horny.
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.
DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.
DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.
DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.
DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.
DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
DETECTIVES do it under cover.
DIETICIANS eat better.
DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.
DIVERS do it deeper.
DOCTORS do it with patience.
DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.
DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.
DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.
ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.
ENGINEERS charge by the hour.
EXECUTIVES have large staffs.
FARMERS spread it around.
FIREMEN are always in heat.
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.
FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.
FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.
GARBAGE MEN come once a week.
GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.
GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.
GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.
GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.
GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.
HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.
HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.
HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.
HANDYMEN like good screws.
HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.
HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.
HUNTERS do it with a bang.
INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.
INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.
INVENTORS find a way.
JANITORS clean up afterwards.
JEWELERS mount real gems.
JOGGERS do it on the run.
LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.
LAWYERS do it in their briefs.
LIBRARIANS do it quietly.
LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.
LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.
MACHINISTS make the best screws.
MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.
MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.
MANAGERS supervise others.
MARKETING REPs do it on commission.
MILKMEN deliver twice a week.
MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.
MINERS sink deeper shafts.
MINISTERS do it on Sundays.
MISSILE MEN have better thrust.
MODELS do it in any position.
MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.
MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.
MOVIE STARS do it on film.
MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.
NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.
NURSES call the shots.
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.
OPERATORS do it person-to-person.
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.
PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.
PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.
PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.
PILOTS keep it up longer.
PLUMBERS do it under the sink.
POLICEMEN like big busts.
POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.
POSTMEN come slower.
PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.
PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.
PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.
PROFESSORS do it by the book.
RACERS like to come in first.
RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..
RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.
REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.
RECYCLERS use it again.
REPAIRMEN can fix anything.
REPORTERS do it daily.
RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.
RETAILERS move their merchandise.
ROOFERS do it on top.
RUNNERS get into more pants.
SAILORS like to be blown.
SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.
SCIENTISTS discovered it.
SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.
SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.
SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.
SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.
SPELUNKERS do it underground.
SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.
STEWARDESSES do it in the air.
STUDENTS use their heads.
SURGEONS are smooth operators.
TAILORS make it fit.
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.
TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.
TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.
TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.
TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.
TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.
TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.
TYPISTS do it in triplicate.
VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.
WATER SKIERS come down harder.
WELDERS have hotter rods.
WRESTLERS know the best holds.
WRITERS have novel ways.
ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.
materials engineering Dept. of Texas A&M today
announced a new bra that will prevent women's breasts
from jiggling and won't show the hardened
nipples when the weather turns cold.
Aug 7, 2004 (Reuters) The faculty of the materials
engineering Dept. of Texas A&M today took Professor
Sanford Calhoun outside & beat the shit out of him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
More Hilarious Techinical Support Customers
. Compaq is considering changing the command Press Any Key to Press Return
Key because of the flood of calls asking where the Any key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn`t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the Send key.
4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was Bad and an invalid. The tech explained that the computer`s bad command and invalid responses shouldn`t be taken personally.
6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it couldn`t find printer. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn`t see the printer.
7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn`t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened. The foot pedal turned out to be the computer`s mouse...
8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn`t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, What power switch?
9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn`t even fit it in... The user hadn`t realized that Insert Disk 2 implied removing Disk 1 first.
10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:
CALLER: Hello, is this Tech Support?
TECH: Yes, it is. How may I help you?
CALLER: The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?
TECH: I`m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?
CALLER: Yes, it`s attached to the front of my computer.
TECH: Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it`s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?
CALLER: It came with my computer. I don`t know anything about a promotional. It just has `48X` on it. At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn`t stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.
11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under windows; The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."
12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: O.K. Bob, let`s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter P to bring up the Program Manager.;
CUSTOMER: "I don`t have a `P`. "
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob. "
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: "P` on your keyboard, Bob.;
CUSTOMER: "I`m not going to do that!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
How different professional have sex
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ANSI does it in the standard way
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.
BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.
BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.
BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.
BEER DRINKERS get more head.
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.
BOSSES delegate the task to others.
BOWLERS have bigger balls.
BRICKLAYERS lay all day.
BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.
BUTCHERS have better meat.
C'Bers do it on the air.
CAMPERS do it in a tent.
CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.
CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.
CHEMISTS like to experiment.
CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.
CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.
CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.
CLOWNS do it for laughs.
COACHES whistle while they work.
COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.
COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.
COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.
COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.
CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.
COPS have bigger guns.
COWBOYS handle anything horny.
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.
DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.
DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.
DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.
DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.
DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
DETECTIVES do it under cover.
DIETICIANS eat better.
DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.
DIVERS do it deeper.
DOCTORS do it with patience.
DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.
DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.
DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.
ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.
ENGINEERS charge by the hour.
EXECUTIVES have large staffs.
FARMERS spread it around.
FIREMEN are always in heat.
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.
FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.
FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.
GARBAGE MEN come once a week.
GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.
GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.
GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.
GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.
GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.
HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.
HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.
HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.
HANDYMEN like good screws.
HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.
HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.
HUNTERS do it with a bang.
INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.
INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.
INVENTORS find a way.
JANITORS clean up afterwards.
JEWELERS mount real gems.
JOGGERS do it on the run.
LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.
LAWYERS do it in their briefs.
LIBRARIANS do it quietly.
LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.
LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.
MACHINISTS make the best screws.
MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.
MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.
MANAGERS supervise others.
MARKETING REPs do it on commission.
MILKMEN deliver twice a week.
MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.
MINERS sink deeper shafts.
MINISTERS do it on Sundays.
MISSILE MEN have better thrust.
MODELS do it in any position.
MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.
MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.
MOVIE STARS do it on film.
MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.
NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.
NURSES call the shots.
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.
OPERATORS do it person-to-person.
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.
PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.
PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.
PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.
PILOTS keep it up longer.
PLUMBERS do it under the sink.
POLICEMEN like big busts.
POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.
POSTMEN come slower.
PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.
PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.
PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.
PROFESSORS do it by the book.
RACERS like to come in first.
RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..
RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.
REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.
RECYCLERS use it again.
REPAIRMEN can fix anything.
REPORTERS do it daily.
RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.
RETAILERS move their merchandise.
ROOFERS do it on top.
RUNNERS get into more pants.
SAILORS like to be blown.
SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.
SCIENTISTS discovered it.
SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.
SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.
SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.
SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.
SPELUNKERS do it underground.
SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.
STEWARDESSES do it in the air.
STUDENTS use their heads.
SURGEONS are smooth operators.
TAILORS make it fit.
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.
TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.
TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.
TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.
TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.
TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.
TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.
TYPISTS do it in triplicate.
VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.
WATER SKIERS come down harder.
WELDERS have hotter rods.
WRESTLERS know the best holds.
WRITERS have novel ways.
ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.
kittedb18bt
10-06-2004, 06:45 PM
really long, must read later when i am drunk.
SiGNAL748
10-06-2004, 08:03 PM
I could've sworn Raz Kaz was dead....
Raz_Kaz
10-06-2004, 08:58 PM
/\ Not dead, really busy with school, school related work and school related parties :thumbsup:
imtheoneandonlyD
10-07-2004, 01:41 AM
lmao those tech ones were great
Jas_M
10-07-2004, 11:24 AM
I bow down before the genius that is Raz Kaz.
psychobadboy
10-07-2004, 11:40 AM
6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it couldn`t find printer. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn`t see the printer.I liked that one for some reason.
YogsVR4
10-07-2004, 11:52 AM
I could've sworn Raz Kaz was dead....
Is that wishful thinking? :p
Never pay again for live sex! (http://showmewebcam.com/?p=1) | Hot girls doing naughty stuff for free! (http://showmewebcam.com/?p=3) | Chat for free! (http://showmewebcam.com/?p=5)
Is that wishful thinking? :p
Never pay again for live sex! (http://showmewebcam.com/?p=1) | Hot girls doing naughty stuff for free! (http://showmewebcam.com/?p=3) | Chat for free! (http://showmewebcam.com/?p=5)
Raz_Kaz
10-07-2004, 03:46 PM
Is that wishful thinking? :p
:lol: Only for you! Ok maybe a bit more people :P
Anyways, who here actually finds their "jobs" to be true?
:lol: Only for you! Ok maybe a bit more people :P
Anyways, who here actually finds their "jobs" to be true?
Automotive Network, Inc., Copyright ©2024