So when looking under the hood I see the BOV and it has arrows indicating hard or soft settings. What's the differenc and what should I set mine to?

Softer makes it easier for the BOV to open and vice versa.

The valve should be set as soft as possible without any leakage, the problem is usually that the valves opens during idle but it can also open during boost if it's too soft. If it's set to hard you will loose response and the turbocharger can take damage.